I need to tell this and i need advises... (sissy hypno and porn in general addicted).

First of all, sorry for my bad english.

I need help.
I present myself before: i'm a guy, i'm 20, virgin, never kissed, never had a girl.
I'm addicted to porn and sissy hypno since (maybe) 4/5 years.
I'm talking to the people who don't know what it sissy hypno: it's a particular type of porn where the man who watches it is encouraged to do feminine activities (like wearing painties, wearing make up, high heels, etc.) and also feminine sexual activities (you know what i mean, it's better that i don't write that). Now for me EVERY type of porn is "sissy porn", 'cause in every porn i always imagine to be the woman.
The record of my nofap streak is: 9 days. I'm trying to heal since 2 years and a half (more or less).
Another main problem is that, since 2 years (more or less) i'm able to cum HANDSFREE without touching me in my own underwear just watching porn and imagining to be the woman. And if i concentrate, i'm able to cum handsfree also just fantasizing, without watching nothing (and at night, when i'm in the bed trying to sleep, i experience the hell, 'cause in that situation is very hard to don't fantasize).

Today is the 5th day that i dont watch porn or masturbate (it's very hard that i reach this day). But also just fantasizing gives me pleasure, and it's very hard to don't fantasize (i won't tell about what i fantasize or the scenes that i have in mind while i fantasize, you can understand that...).
So you can understand how overwhelming are urges for me.
A hour ago i was studying at library but i wasn't able to concentrate, 'cause of these fucking urges and now i'm here writing this.

I'm afraid my neurotransmitters are broken forever, that i have grown up watching that so i've programmed my brain in a certain way that now it's irreversible.

If you can, help me, if you can't, thank you the same for reading this, i had to vent out.
Now i'll try to resist these urges, it's fucking hard, nearly impossible, but i'll do my best.
Thank you again and sorry again for my bad english, but it's not my native language.

See you.

P.S.: about my sexuality: i'm 99% sure that i'm not gay, 'cause i fall in love and experience romantic feeling only for girls, never for men, but sexually i experience the opposite... so if romantically i'm 99.9% girls 0.01% men, sexually i'm 70% men and 30% girls and this is 'cause maybe for my porn addiction... (i've tried to give percentages to make you understand better ahahah)

 

You could try paying attention to your thoughts throughout the day.

If any potentially "dangerous" thoughts or urges arise, immediately start questioning them. Think critically. You're like a sceptical scientist or a lawyer or something.

A good question: "Is this bullshit?"

Catch thoughts, urges and rationalisations at the earliest stage possible, and this becomes a whole lot easier.

 

But i already know that this is bullshit, the problem is that urges give me REAL PLEASURE ('cause i'm able to cum handsfree as i said in the post), and... make them go away, it's like if a girl comes to you to give you a handjob and you have to let her go away...

 

Maybe you need a few days where you simply distract yourself first. Go for long walks, maybe check out new places, read, listen to music, stay off the internet as much as possible..

You say urges give you pleasure, but if you catch the urge at a really urge stage, you can stop it before it gives you any fake pleasure.

But if you like pleasure, abstain for a while and you'll feel good "down there". It'll feel more healthy and kind of "powerful" lol. You don't need to cum all the time.

 

in your opinion, in my case, fantasizing is a relapse?

 

It depends. If you notice what you're doing and stop, then no. If you fantasise for hours, then yeah, probably.

Also, consider the "people, places and things" that remind you of your addiction. Can you avoid them, get rid of them, eliminate them etc.

 

no for hours i dont think so... but for example: i start fantazising, i stop, then some time later i start fantasizing again, and stop again, etc...
and if you add all the time (separate) that i fantasize, maybe i gain a hour (more or less) of fantasizing...

 

Do your best to stop fantasising.

You could say to yourself somthing like, "This is dangerous as it could lead to PMO. Even if it doesn't it's bad for my recovery".

Distract yourself if you need to.

 

i'm trying man but it's fucking hell.
today i was at university, i was tired ('cause i got up early to go there), and during the class i started fantasizing and i was veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery close to cum (and this would have been so humiliating, 'cause there were people around me)... but i resisted... but man, really, it's fucking hell...

 

You could try getting "obsessed" with something that is totally non-triggering. A hobby or some history, philosophy, anything. Even video games or something you liked as a kid or teenager.

 

yeah man but there are times that i can't do that, for example during a class at university while i'm tired...
or, for example, today i wanna go to study at library, but i dont know if i can do that, 'cause in that place... the silence, the concentration, etc will surely lead me to fantasize and i'm afraid that i would cum...

 

Hey man you should read this post: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/sissy-hypno-horror-avoid-one-doctors-struggle.196675/

 

That's why it's so important to learn to watch your thoughts so that when you notice a risky thought urge or rationalisation you can do something about it as soon as possible. It might take some practice.

Maybe in situations like the library you could repeat mantras, mottoes, poems, song lyrics etc. in your head, or scribble in a notebook, anything distracting.

 

@hermit_ninja i'll try. i'll go to library and i'll let you know.
@Pinetree thank you for reply, i've read the post and i'll contact you.

 

@Foxhole thank you for everything... but the problem is that i can cum only with thoughts... and this is very hard to fight, the pleasure that i have just thinking of porn or me in some scenario...
@Foxhole @Pinetree @hermit_ninja in your opinion, my issue with cumming... does that mean that i have premature ejaculation?

 

That's a good point because you might get a rationalisation along the lines of "I'll just test my erection" or something like that. Don't! It's bullshit! lol

 

i've come back from library... i went very very close again but i've resisted... and i feel fucking exhausted, like if fighting these fucking urges drains my energies...