Hi everyone I need advice! Note: I am so sorry for writing so much but please take a look and give advice it would mean the world . My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We are each other's best friend and to be honest.. We considerably have the "perfect relationship" besides his porn addiction. For these past three years we have been trying to work through his addiction. However, there has not been all positive improvement. I want to mention: I do not care about a significant other watching porn. I actually used to watch it with my ex consistently. As a significant other, I do not take porn personally because I do it too and I know that porn does not reflect someones love for me. Well those were my old values until my now boyfriend. My boyfriend has had issues with sexualization, women and etc. It is honestly pretty bad. We mutually agreed that he should stop watching porn because the sexualization and his negative outlook on girls was because of porn and it was his main trigger for it basically. However, he has still continued to watch porn. I would not mind this if he was just honest. I want him to be honest so I know if he needs help and that I know I am not being oblivious to my boyfriends wrong doings. I have found out that he has watched porn a few times and it has never been times that I was intentionally looking. I would borrow his phone because mine wasn't close or anything and it would be right there. Even after its an obvious that I know he still tries to say it wasn't what it looked like or "it was just once" when it was actually multiple. I was always so upset that he did this because I have always created a safe place for him to talk, admit things and etc. If something happens (like I see one of his triggers while we are out together) I say "hey do you wanna talk about it?" If he says no (which is usually) I do not talk about it unless he mentions it first. Additionally, I have this rule of "If I find out from you, I do not really care what happened." Okay, of course I care but I will get over it within two days if he's honest about it. I would much rather know, be aware and especially find information out from him then anyone else because I do not wanna be looking stupid when someone else is like "hey did you know.." and I have no idea what they're even talking about when I should. He's my partner, we should communicate! This was just an example, he tells me mostly (unless he forgets which happens because he has untreated ADHD which I will talk about later) everything besides when it involves porn. I am about to sound real nassricistic (at least it feels that way) but I am also a therapist in training so I do know how to control emotions, give people advice and etc. I am a very understanding person so it is not like he should feel unsafe coming to me. We have had so many late talks, emotional conversations, heated discussions and etc for the past two years. It really does feel like he wants a change because he deletes social media, puts locks on his devices (like porn blockers but he always finds a way to get porn), he recently downloaded the app that Nofap recommends (I think it's called buddies?), he is in the process of getting a therapist, he avoids girls, he writes things down for him to work on (like if I confront him about his bad behaviors he writes them down to remind himself), he is so sweet with gifts, showing love and how he is with me. He is literally perfect besides this whole damn porn thing. Makes him perfect except for when he starts watching it again he always gets so easily angry, not as loving, emotionally distant and etc. And especially the lying! But talking with his mom, she said that his communication isn't great because his dad was verbally and emotionally abus!ve so he has never felt the safeness to properly communicate with anyone (he does the same thing with his mom who is like his best friend they have the closest relationship). Additionally, he has undiagnosed ADHD which may not seem like a big deal in this situation but it definitely is. I have ADHD too but I started getting treated for mine as a teenager but before I started getting treated I was exactly like him. I was an impulsive liar, I gave up on bettering myself because I didn't have the attention span and etc. He would be getting treated for his ADHD but he is currently having issues with his insurance so he is not able to receive treatment. I have stuck around in this addiction for two years, it has taken a huge toll on me mentally and physically too. I love him, I love who he is but at this point the boy that I love just feels like a fantasy. I feel like it is emotional abus!ve to stay in a relationship that I do not feel loved in. I don't feel loved because after two years you'd think there would be some progress but after his most recent relapse its become apparent to me that not much has changed. However, after every relapse he learns so much about what to do and what not to do so I stay in hopes that it could be it. He has so much emotional things going on too that we are just discovering (ptsd, adhd and etc) so it feels wrong to leave almost. Like we have already been through so much to give up now but also its the fact that we have been through so much that feels like its a never ending repeating cycle. Do you think I should leave or go? Does it get better? Is this a waste of time and emotional energy? ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: No we do not live together (we do plan on it in a few months though if all goes well) and recently I found out that he was looking up porn on Pinterest and it was of girls working out.. It is concerning that he is sexualizing a girl doing a normal activity. It honestly makes me feel uneasy being around him.