Is he Committed?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by needproblemhelp8, Sep 29, 2021.

  1. needproblemhelp8

    needproblemhelp8 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone I need advice!

    Note: I am so sorry for writing so much but please take a look and give advice it would mean the world :).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We are each other's best friend and to be honest.. We considerably have the "perfect relationship" besides his porn addiction. For these past three years we have been trying to work through his addiction. However, there has not been all positive improvement.

    I want to mention: I do not care about a significant other watching porn. I actually used to watch it with my ex consistently. As a significant other, I do not take porn personally because I do it too and I know that porn does not reflect someones love for me. Well those were my old values until my now boyfriend. My boyfriend has had issues with sexualization, women and etc. It is honestly pretty bad. We mutually agreed that he should stop watching porn because the sexualization and his negative outlook on girls was because of porn and it was his main trigger for it basically. However, he has still continued to watch porn. I would not mind this if he was just honest. I want him to be honest so I know if he needs help and that I know I am not being oblivious to my boyfriends wrong doings. I have found out that he has watched porn a few times and it has never been times that I was intentionally looking. I would borrow his phone because mine wasn't close or anything and it would be right there. Even after its an obvious that I know he still tries to say it wasn't what it looked like or "it was just once" when it was actually multiple. I was always so upset that he did this because I have always created a safe place for him to talk, admit things and etc. If something happens (like I see one of his triggers while we are out together) I say "hey do you wanna talk about it?" If he says no (which is usually) I do not talk about it unless he mentions it first. Additionally, I have this rule of "If I find out from you, I do not really care what happened." Okay, of course I care but I will get over it within two days if he's honest about it. I would much rather know, be aware and especially find information out from him then anyone else because I do not wanna be looking stupid when someone else is like "hey did you know.." and I have no idea what they're even talking about when I should. He's my partner, we should communicate! This was just an example, he tells me mostly (unless he forgets which happens because he has untreated ADHD which I will talk about later) everything besides when it involves porn. I am about to sound real nassricistic (at least it feels that way) but I am also a therapist in training so I do know how to control emotions, give people advice and etc. I am a very understanding person so it is not like he should feel unsafe coming to me.

    We have had so many late talks, emotional conversations, heated discussions and etc for the past two years. It really does feel like he wants a change because he deletes social media, puts locks on his devices (like porn blockers but he always finds a way to get porn), he recently downloaded the app that Nofap recommends (I think it's called buddies?), he is in the process of getting a therapist, he avoids girls, he writes things down for him to work on (like if I confront him about his bad behaviors he writes them down to remind himself), he is so sweet with gifts, showing love and how he is with me. He is literally perfect besides this whole damn porn thing. Makes him perfect except for when he starts watching it again he always gets so easily angry, not as loving, emotionally distant and etc. And especially the lying! But talking with his mom, she said that his communication isn't great because his dad was verbally and emotionally abus!ve so he has never felt the safeness to properly communicate with anyone (he does the same thing with his mom who is like his best friend they have the closest relationship). Additionally, he has undiagnosed ADHD which may not seem like a big deal in this situation but it definitely is. I have ADHD too but I started getting treated for mine as a teenager but before I started getting treated I was exactly like him. I was an impulsive liar, I gave up on bettering myself because I didn't have the attention span and etc. He would be getting treated for his ADHD but he is currently having issues with his insurance so he is not able to receive treatment.

    I have stuck around in this addiction for two years, it has taken a huge toll on me mentally and physically too. I love him, I love who he is but at this point the boy that I love just feels like a fantasy. I feel like it is emotional abus!ve to stay in a relationship that I do not feel loved in. I don't feel loved because after two years you'd think there would be some progress but after his most recent relapse its become apparent to me that not much has changed. However, after every relapse he learns so much about what to do and what not to do so I stay in hopes that it could be it. He has so much emotional things going on too that we are just discovering (ptsd, adhd and etc) so it feels wrong to leave almost. Like we have already been through so much to give up now but also its the fact that we have been through so much that feels like its a never ending repeating cycle.

    Do you think I should leave or go? Does it get better? Is this a waste of time and emotional energy?

    ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: No we do not live together (we do plan on it in a few months though if all goes well) and recently I found out that he was looking up porn on Pinterest and it was of girls working out.. It is concerning that he is sexualizing a girl doing a normal activity. It honestly makes me feel uneasy being around him.
     
  2. looklike4

    looklike4 Fapstronaut

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    I think you have been pretty tolerant and caring for him. But now that you feel clearly that this is not good for you, I would advise to listen to your own needs and remember what your standards are. For a start you could take a break and make clear that for you this is not good. You are not his therapist, but his girlfriend, so you deserve to be in a situation that is healthy for you, and where you feel appreciated.
     
    Sun_shine likes this.
  3. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    That's something you share with lots of the SOs here. I have read so many accounts where the thing that hurts most is the lying.

    This all sounds really positive.

    It's great that he makes you feel loved, but gifts may be to assuage guilty feelings. Have you both tried the 5 Love Languages quiz? It's a bit trite but can be a useful conversation starter.

    That cannot be true, you are being naive, which makes sense at 18. He's not perfect, you are not, I am not, ...

    What toll? Can you be specific?

    This is hard. I know from my own experience that it can take a long time. I am much much older, so I guess the addiction may have taken root more, but it took me six years before I hit my current long streak (tomorrow it'll be 5 years without porn for me).

    This is interesting. Is that just a figure of speech? For example, after the last relapse what did he learn specifically? If he really is learning new things after each relapse that shows he is using his failures to build techniques for success. I think that's a really hopeful sign.

    No one can answer that for you. There are women here who have stayed and women who have left, that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself.

    I'm a recovering porn addict, so perhaps my view of life is tainted, but this behaviour seems very normal to me.

    @needproblemhelp8, you got some odd advice over on the other thread you started. I specifically want to refute a few things from a post there.

    That's not quite my experience. I'm 56 and I've been with my wife since we started dating in 1983, when I was 17. I agree with him that grown up relationships are different, and that you are way less mature than you think you are in your late teens and early twenties, but you can be serious and committed and although there will be ups and downs in any relationship you can learn about yourselves and grow up and gain self-awareness together.

    @needproblemhelp8 you need to take the advice you get here with a large pinch of salt—you do you.
     
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Not all people are good comunicators.
    Liars, lies. No matter how much you want him to be honest.. if he is used to lie to get away from trouble, he is going to keep doing it.

    This is why you date for several months/years before living together or getting married. People reveal their tru self eventually.
    He showed you how he is in this years. Is your job to choose the best partner you can have. If you choose a guy that is failing you and making you feel not loved, then you are not doing a good job for you.
    Is not your job to fix him. You supported him for years without positive results, in my opinion is time to move on to a guy that have his shit together.
    You waisted a lot of years with a guy that is not improving, how many more years are you going to waiste with him?
     
  5. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    You're 18. How much therapist training could you possibly have? Look, after Kropo responded, I went back and looked at the other thread you posted. I don't think you need to take the advice you get here with a grain of salt. You need to bury it in the salt mine. There is always help for anyone who really wants it.
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  6. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    I think it may be important to have realistic expectations. Since you're 18 I'm going to assume he is too.

    Expectations for an 18 year old and a 25 or 35 year old are very different (for both men and women). He's been with you and as far as we as your unknown internet audience knows, has been physically faithful. He also is at least trying on the porn thing (not something I would have even tried at 18). He's already ahead of the curve by a good amount.

    Another thing is that I remember being 18 - and I could sexualize pretty much anything if I wanted to. Tight workout pants - darn right. Skirts - yep. Winter jackets - yep. TV, voices, radio, food - anything could be sexualized if I wanted to. A cold breeze gives an 18 year old an erection.

    None of this is an excuse or good reason to treat you poorly and lie to you - but it is important to keep expectations in check.

    Couple other things

    1 - you're 18 now and dating this guy for 3 years. You used to watch a ton of porn with your last BF when you were... 14?
    2- It's great you're training to be a therapist - I'm sure you're mentors would say it's not smart to diagnose those close to you for a variety of reasons. if you think he needs professional help, get him to a non-biased doctor
    3 - I generally would advise everyone not to move in with a significant other at 18. Unless financially necessary, this is the chance to learn who you are away from parents, as an individual.
     
    needproblemhelp8 and kropo82 like this.
  7. needproblemhelp8

    needproblemhelp8 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Trobone,

    I really appreciated your reply. Now reading back on what I said, I understand that I worded my words wrong.

    I do understand where your coming from about the being 18 and how a cold breeze can give a guy an erection (I giggled at that comment). The example I used of sexualization was not the reason why I am concerned. His old views on girls were absolutely awful. He was the type to use girls (he would be sweet to girls only because he wanted something sexual from them), he was so sex induced that in the beginning of us dating he said that he wanted to have sex with other people because I was not ready to have sex, he said a girl would be asking for it (unconsentual acts) every time she had tighter clothes on (even though girls will wear outfits that outline their bodies more for the confidence boost of themselves) he asked for my nudes while I was bawling about how much of an ass he was being at the time and he often had a hard time being able to separate porn from sex. In this, he seems like a very awful person and like I should not be around the guy because he is too much of a teenage boy for a girl like me. However, I know this is far from who he actually is because he is the complete opposite whenever he stops watching porn. Also, he was in a friend group who pushed him to do awful things like cheat on me because I was not ready to have sex yet. Once that situation happened he immediately dropped those friends and he pretty quickly realized that the "fuckboy mindset" is something that he did not want apart of anymore.

    I absolutely agree with the whole me needing to put my expectations in check. I am so grateful that I am in a relationship with a boy who loves me, is caring, compassionate and always shows that he wants to fight for us. A lot of people my age are struggling in relationships because people are so easy and willing to give up on a situation but both of us are more then determined so I consider myself extremely lucky. He seems driven about this whole stopping porn thing and I know that not many guys would be willing to give it up. He has never complained that I was being too crazy or overdramatic about the porn situation and he is always ranting about how he wants it to end. He does not want to be so dependent on porn and he especially wants to be free from the bad mindset that porn gives him. It is just frustrating that he is not honest when I have given the space for him to be honest and have tried giving him all my support. Him just lying to me only makes the porn thing worse, gives me major trust issues with him and etc.

    Yes, he has been physically faithful to me but I know that porn has given him fantasies of cheating and I just feel like him watching more porn will lead more into the lack of self control that he has with sexual things. However, a lot of this I feel like is a respect thing. He said he had a problem with porn because it made his views on girls so negative and he wanted to fix it. After continuous conversations we came to the conclusion that him watching porn was not a good idea and that I would help him get over the lack of sexual self control with porn. But, he just keeps on lying to me and it honestly just feels like a disrespect to me who is trying to help him. Like I have given in everything and all I ask is for the smallest bit of honesty in return and I do not receive it. Just sucks I guess. But I know that being in a young relationship you have to realize that both of you are young and you guys have a lot of growing to do. You can choose to grow together or grow apart.

    1). I am about to turn 19 in a few days and we have not been dating for three years yet but we are over the 7th month mark.. I was a sophomore in high school (I am pretty sure, I have a bad memory). My current boyfriend and I started dating only a couple days after my ex and I broke up.
    2). Thank you! I actually did not diagnose him because when we first started dating I was on a different career path then psychology. My therapist actually said it first. But he is trying to get his insurance all figured out so he can get a therapist asap!
    3). I appreciate the advice and we would not be doing if it was not the better option financially. It is still up in the air because I do want to live in a dorm for the experience once I switch to a university next fall.

    I am sorry I wrote a lot and it might get really confusing. It has been a long day and I forgot to take my ADHD medication haha.
     
  8. needproblemhelp8

    needproblemhelp8 Fapstronaut

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    @kropo82
    Hi, thank you for your reply! When I said gifts I did not mean they are always physical objects like he loves to show his love by getting little things he think I would like, he will build me something, make and bring my favorite food to me at school or work, he also loves decorating areas all cute for date nights and gives me handwritten letters (I prefer handwritten letters because I feel like it makes things more genuine). Reading this back I now realize those are all physical objects.. But I think I am trying to explain that his gifts aren’t just bought they are well thought out. His love language is definitely gifts because he does it with everyone and not just me when he does something wrong. Great thought though! I will say it is weird have someone give me gifts and I will usually question his motives but making sure it is nicely.

    The toll that his addiction has taken on me is more on my mental state. It feels so beyond awful thinking that “finally, his addiction is in a good place, we are in a good place and he has not watched it” but then find out that he has been watching it consistently behind my back & lying consistently about it for the past month. Especially since him and I would have check in’s about it. I would ask him if there was anything he wanted to talk about involving that or etc. When he would say no, I would say okay and move on. When he would say yes he would always go off about how much better his life is and how much he hates porn when secretly he would watch it later that night, have already watched it a couple hours before the conversation or sometimes both. It is a heart breaking feeling knowing that in all of those good moments, conversations about it he knew what he was doing behind my back and he still continued to play along. After I find out a relapse has happened my depression gets bad, I get irritable with anything and everything and things like that.

    Congratulations on 5 years, that is truly so amazing!

    It was not a figure of speech. Every time he has a relapse he realizes what he did wrong and tries to learn from it. The time in March, he really got into depth about why porn was so negative for his mental state. The time in August, he learned that his biggest trigger is when he is emotional and he cannot just isolate himself from the world to stop watching it but instead rewire his brain away from porn.

    Ugh I hate making decisions.

    I have realized after posting this that it is a normal activity but it just makes me feel uneasy because it is on an app that is made for children. Yes adults use it but it is also a safe platform for child use. It’s not really the fact of him getting turned on but the fact that he is so very desperate for porn that he will use anything even something that is on a Childs app.. I know again many might disagree with me and say this is me being naive, immature and I should lower my expectations for a teenage boy.

    That is great that you and your wife have been together for that long! Most of my family has their high school sweetheart (my uncle, my siblings and three of my cousins) so I have been shown that young relationships can last if both of you are at least decently mature and ready to grow together. But do not get it twisted, I was never the type to want a long term relationship because I wanted to party in college, have no commitments to people and definitely be in no serious relationships (I did not really believe in marriage) until the relationship that I am now.
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  9. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    The two best tools for overcoming porn addiction are knowledge and honesty.

    For knowledge, I recommend the site Your Brain on Porn (YBOP). It's curated research and testimonials by leading porn addiction researchers. The below articles will be especially relevant to you, but feel free to check out these Porn FAQs and Articles lists.

    Start here for an overview of key concepts

    Are my sexual problems (ED, DE, low libido) related to my porn use?

    Studies linking porn use or porn addiction to sexual dysfunctions, lower arousal, and lower sexual & relationship satisfaction

    see rebooting basics page

    Will stopping porn solve my problems?

    I quit using porn and now I feel worse. Is this normal?

    How do I cope with porn flashbacks?

    Why am I feeling so sad about giving up porn?

    What do I do when I have too much sexual energy?

    Relationships and Porn

    Intimate Relationships and the Brain

    Why did my porn use escalate?

    What are the symptoms of excessive Internet porn use?

    For honesty, you each have to be honest to each other and yourselves. You need to be honest with him about how much this addiction has impacted your life. He needs to be honest about how much he uses, what he is doing to control his behavior, and how it's improving. You need to be honest to yourself about the progress he is making, and he has to be honest with himself about that too.

    If both of you have just been trying out different things without much knowledge about porn addiction or overcoming it, I highly suggest reading the resources I sent and as much as you can on YBOP together, doing a 90 day hardmode reboot, and then seeing how things are once he has rewired. Porn addiction recovery is never linear, but it's only recovery if your condition is improving, not if it's stagnating or intermittently relapsing.

    If you don't see a change in his behavior when he is using all the tools he can, especially after he has said he will change, giving him an ultimatum and eventually leaving him seems like the only option. If his behavior is a major hindrance on your life and he is unwilling to change it (which he can) it is not fair for you to continue putting up with it.

    I suggest having a talk where you share all the information you have, tell him flat out what your expectations for his recovery and behavior are, and then keeping to your promises. It's not fair for you to deal with his inability to get over something that many others have, and it's not fair for him to be coddled at this time where he needs to make major change in his life.

    I'm sorry you have to make this difficult decision, but as long as you continue forward with knowledge, honesty, and keeping your promises, I'm sure whatever happens will be the best for both of you.

    PS: If you're actually 18 like your profile says, I would veer much further towards breaking up with him right now. You may feel in love right now and think there's no one else like him, but you could completely forget about him a year after breaking up. One of my friends (girl who turned 19 a couple weeks ago) was dating a boy in high school for 3 years. He was tall, exercised a lot, was going to a good university, and helped support his divorcee mom with a part time job. He treated her well, spent more time with her than anyone, and she told me for months they were going to get married. They broke like a month ago. She barely even cares anymore.

    I know he may feel like Prince Charming to you, but typical teenage girl thought processes, pandemic isolation, and other environmental factors are likely influencing your decision greatly. If he can't get his stuff under control, there is really no reason to waste the best exploratory years of your life held down with his issues
     
  10. Others have given advice on the porn side of things, and, never having been a consumer of porn, I have little to say about it anyhow--except that I don't believe it to be as harmless as many here who are addicted try to think. It is one of the worst evils on the planet. Unlike drugs, which affect mostly the body, porn affects the mind and character.

    But the ADHD is something I would like to address. It is also a problem of the mind, but has more involuntary and natural causes. In the majority of cases, if not all of them, the cause of ADHD is chemical toxicities within the brain/body. Many chemicals in our environment today are neurotoxins: elements like lead, cadmium, beryllium, mercury, etc., in addition to chemical compounds found in pesticides, food additives, and vaccines. Most doctors have little knowledge in this area, but those who specialize in toxicology and chelation therapy will be knowledgeable. If you want to improve and/or cure your ADHD, you need to find a toxicologist. The ADHD drugs that the average (ignorant) doctor will put you on only treat the symptoms of the problem, and do nothing to remove its cause (the toxins). Over time, the ADHD drugs add to the burden on your liver and weaken your nervous system. They will never cure the condition.

    In the event you feel you are too poor to afford medical care for the condition (but you are young, and still have many years left in which you could enjoy a higher quality of life--making the sacrifice more worthwhile), then go to the internet and look up natural chelators, research the source of the toxins, and adjust your lifestyle accordingly. For example, you might choose to stop eating fish and seafood because of their high mercury content. You might eat more garlic, cilantro, or other foods which have a mild chelating effect.

    ADHD will certainly complicate recovery efforts from porn because the mind is not capable of functioning at its best level. The willpower will be weakened, and the memory as well. I highly recommend that, rather than just coping with ADHD, you look for ways to rid yourself of it. It IS possible.

    All the best.
     
  11. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Where have you gotten this info on ADHD being caused by neurotoxins? Most people on my father's side of the family, including myself, either have official ADHD diagnoses or present symptoms of an attention deficit disorder, and no mental health professional has ever told us it's a result of toxins. From what I've read ADHD is primarily caused by genetics, and is more of a mix of genetic factors than a specific gene.
     
  12. I will not reveal too much of myself here for the sake of anonymity, but let's just say I have very close connections with doctors, including a toxicologist, who have taught me a LOT over the course of my lifetime. I'm a biologist, and have considerable interest in these things so I have picked up an awful lot, to the point where, on some issues, I know more than doctors sometimes. That said, I am not a doctor, and won't pretend to be. I have been around doctors enough, however, that I am not shy about voicing a difference of opinion with them. Doctors are people with opinions. They do not always know the best way to treat someone, nor do they always know all of the facts about something. People who have not been through those four years of medical school often assume, ignorantly, that doctors graduate with a godlike-omniscience regarding health. Nothing could be further from the truth.

    I do not expect, nor desire, that you should believe everything I say here. I'm not a doctor. What I hope to do is to encourage you to study into the issue for yourself. If you find the right information (there's also a lot of misinformation out there), you should hopefully begin to understand why I have given the advice that you see here. Having spent a lot of time in healthcare situations and with medical professionals, I can give you some good health advice on certain subjects. (Note that my parents wanted me to become a doctor, and I have sometimes had regrets that I did not go that direction, as I have seen so many people I could have helped.)

    Here's what you need to know to cure your ADHD. The longer you have had it, the less likely a full cure can be had--children are more resilient; but at any age, its effects can be lessened.

    1) Find an ACAM certified toxicologist.

    2) Get tested for your mineral levels/toxicities. Several test types exist, depending on the specific toxin/toxins the doctor suspects and is looking for, and the technology available. The traditional standard is a hair-mineral analysis test (HMA). A sample of your hair, taken from as near the scalp as possible to get your most current status, is sent to a laboratory such as Doctor's Data for analysis. When the results return, a good toxicologist should be able to read them and know more clearly what toxins you have and what deficiencies of nutrients you may be experiencing, often as a result of those toxins. If the doctor wishes to test specifically for mercury, which is not water-soluble as most minerals are, he may need to use a different test, called a "provocative urine" test, which is basically an I.V. that puts a chelator into your system to help "provoke," or draw out, the mercury, which is then excreted through the kidneys. The physician will then, at a measured interval later, take a sample of urine and send that to the lab for testing to see how much mercury was drawn out. A newer technology uses a laser beam to scan several points of skin, such as on the hand. It sends the results of its scan back to a server in Switzerland for analysis--apparently there are some complex algorithms involved--and then momentarily returns the results by email. The doctor will pay something like $60 for every such report, and will probably pass the charge on to you with a modest increase, e.g. $100 for the test. But this can actually be less expensive than the HMA test, if the doctor has already invested the thousands of dollars required to buy the testing equipment and software for his office.

    3) Once you know your toxicities, it will then be possible to work out a plan for dealing with them. Each toxin has its own special characteristics. If you have too much lead, for example, it may contribute to high blood pressure as well as to ADD/ADHD. (I saw this correlation myself in analyzing a particular set of patient data including thousands of HMA test results. We had to weed out of the study all patients who reported or were suspected of using shampoos like Selsun Blue which use lead to darken/color the hair, as that skews the results.)

    4) Chelation therapy will often be the most helpful treatment, and can take years off the normal timeline for expelling toxins from the body.

    Hope this helps.
     
  13. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    I'm sure whatever you're trying to sell does something, but why do you keep insisting that ADHD is caused by toxins currently in your body? Can you show us the proof? The current medical establishment does not advertise continuous exposure to toxic chemicals as the primary cause for ADHD. While lead poisoning while young correlates with ADHD symptoms, continued exposure to lead is not thought to cause ADHD in adults. See below:

    https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/facts.html

    https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adult-adhd/symptoms-causes/syc-20350878

    https://psych.ucsf.edu/HALP/ADHD

    What resources do you have that support the use of chelation therapy to treat ADHD?
     
  14. I can tell you this: From the beginning of medical establishments there has been controversy over belief systems and philosophies among doctors. The AMA (American Medical Association) was not always the only "official" medical organization. Do a little research on this. Toxicology is a fairly new field. Because it threatens to upset current establishments, it has sometimes been labelled as "fringe" or "alternative" or "unconventional", etc. As something of a scientist, I can tell you that it is entirely based on sound principles of chemistry--yet for those who stand to lose, financially, if people learn the truth about toxins, toxicology is the equivalent of quackery. You will find that there is some controversy on the issue. Psychologists/psychiatrists/"conventional" doctors/etc. will not get your continued business in selling you the drugs they want you to believe are necessary if you are actually cured. They have a very real conflict of interest--not to mention an ignorance about the toxins in the first place.

    Doctors cannot support something that they haven't studied and learned. They didn't study toxicology in medical school (neither did they ever take a class in food nutrition). But there ARE papers written on the subject and published in peer-reviewed journals (for those who have been brainwashed to think peer-review is the gold standard and ONLY standard). The ACAM website has a list of resources of this nature, though these are hardly the only ones out there.

    I have witnessed first-hand what chelation therapy is capable of. Many cases of it. I have seen the joy on the face of one father whose son had been diagnosed with "benign rolandic epilepsy (BRE)" and told that there was no cause nor cure for the condition. He, being a highly intelligent man, went on a quest for information, and discovered toxicology through the providence of God. After a number of treatments, and after getting off the powerful drugs that had been prescribed, the man took his son back to the hospital where he had first been diagnosed and they ran the tests again. The doctors in that hospital were shocked that the boy no longer tested positive for the epilepsy. They hadn't believed it was possible for such to be cured. The boy had been diagnosed when only about 3 or 4 years old, and was cured before he was 5--well before those teenage years when doctors suppose a child would usually outgrow the condition. If you look at the link I provided for this, it leads to the National Institute of Health's website (NIH) and will tell you that this condition is thought to be genetic because it often runs in families.

    Now, when the boy I mentioned was cured, did the doctors write up a journal article proclaiming their error? Of course not. These cases do NOT get published. They are swept under the proverbial rug, perhaps more for embarrassment than for any special agenda against the alternative treatments--but whatever the case, there is considerably prejudice among conventional doctors against any form of medical treatment that they personally do not use.

    One of the doctors I'm close to has joked that traditional doctors have just three treatment options: 1) the poison (drugs); 2) the knife (surgery); and 3) the radiation. If you want an option that is not on that list, you need to look beyond the "conventional."
     
  15. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Hey man I agree that chelation is great for removing toxins from the body. That's obviously a good thing. But to suggest neurotoxins are the cause of ADHD and chelation is the best treatment just does not line up with reality. I agree that the medical establishment in the US is extremely problematic and financial incentives make progress muddy and slow, but there are other developed countries with universal health care that have not made this discovery. Surely if chelation therapy was well known to treat ADHD, the NHS in the UK would invest massively in it to bring down how much they pay for ADHD medication (since that's a cost taken in largely by that state) and get those affected by ADHD into better health (increasing the GDP of the UK discernibly).

    The second article you link to also literally says "BRE is thought to be a genetic disorder". Your own sources are arguing against you.

    Say what you want, this is the internet. I think most would agree though that @needproblemhelp8 should discuss their ADHD symptoms (which you don't even know they have!) with their physician.
     
  16. I already informed you of this bias on their part. From my earlier post:
    Here's another little-acknowledged fact: Members of the same family tend to have similar diets and exposures to environmental toxins. For some perspective, one might ask: Is music genetic? Do you have to have the right genes to be a musician? Yet one of my music teachers in school famously said that he had long since learned that music runs in families. I wonder why that is. Of course, whether or not the family sang songs together at home couldn't have anything at all to do with it....

    Look carefully at the statement one more time: "is thought to be a genetic disorder." Does that say it IS a genetic disorder? No. In fact, it tells you something very important: They do not know if it is or not. They have not identified to which genes, if any, such a disorder would be associated. They are making a claim without a factual basis--and these are the "professionals" in whom you have placed your trust.

    Choose you this day whom you will believe. I have not asked you to believe me. I have only given you evidence from my personal testimony that I have hoped would lead you to ask more questions and to do more research for the answers.

    If you are satisfied with the answers you have been given, and with living with ADHD as a "genetic" condition, so be it. The OP, also, will face the same choices about whom to trust. Those choices are none of my business; as an educator, it is only my business to help present the facts so that people have a broader basis upon which to make their own choices.
     
  17. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    He sounds like a pretty typical, self-absorbed, asshole, manchild to me. I know cause I was one. At least in my head - I was too afraid of life itself to express it outward.

    I'm glad he treats you better off porn. That's good.

    The fact is that he is still lying to you. You're not married, you don't have kids, you're just heading to college.

    I'm sure your therapist mentors would say something like "strong boundaries are important in any relationship". So set them and keep them.
     
    modernstore99 likes this.
  18. Lucia

    Lucia Fapstronaut

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    Hi needproblemhelp8, this phrase stood out to me. How is his negative outlook on girls affecting you?
     

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