Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 1110: 02/12/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) My footrest.
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Last night, Wade gave me another wonderful trifecta, afterward, I felt such relief. Working all day is really taking its toll, not just physically, but mentally too since this client will not give me the peace of mind that I need. We watched some TV, then I needed to go to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "How To Focus Your Mind For Long Periods Of Time", in this episode, we learn some neat tricks on how to focus your mind for long periods of time. Remember, when you focus on what you want, everything else fades away.

This morning, I began working in the wee hours, I didn't sleep much, so I was wide awake early. Now, I will take a short break because I had to deal with the girl's morning routine and get them ready for school. Wade and I won't be walking, I am still recovering from my knee injuries and I have to work. He'll be able to get into bed early, get up earlier and make his delicious sliders again!! which were even a hit with our little one, she wanted to eat FOUR, but we didn't allow it, however, her asking speaks volumes!


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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Not shaming myself, even though I am feeling blah.

#Video
How To Protect Your Focus And Reach ‘Flow State’

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DAY 1111: 02/13/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Photoshop.
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Last night, Wade wasn't feeling great after the 2nd Covid vaccine. A lot of body aches, fever, etc, he has been sleeping all evening and called out sick from work. I continued working through the night, stayed up to ballot for my eldest's schooling. So, waiting up and forcing myself to stay up, then gave me 'second wind' ... sigh. #nosleep

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Mindfulness Meditation Benefits", in this episode, we hear about Mindfulness Meditation Benefits. Remember, meditation is the ultimate mobile device, you can use it at any time, anywhere.

This morning, Wade feels a little better, but still tired, weak, and out of sorts. He is still napping on and off. I continue working and will do so this whole weekend.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Pushing myself and getting things done.

#Video
The Science Behind Mindfulness Meditation

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DAY 1112: 02/14/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Car ride.
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Last night, he felt better and gave me a trifecta, I told him I didn't want him to do it, because of how he has been feeling, but he insisted. It was great and soothing, I appreciate it. Then we watched WandaVision and this episode was good, I'm glad this show picked up. Then we went to bed shortly after.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "How To Be Successful In Life", in this episode, Brian Tracy talks with us about how to be successful in life. Remember, you become what you think about most of the time.

This morning, during our car ride, we listened to "3 Shocking Love Tips For the Perfect Relationship" a Q&A, on Relationship Theory with Tom & Lisa Bilyeu. During this set, they share their key tips to help make ensure your relationship can stand the test of time. They discuss why you sometimes need to put yourself first and be selfish, why you need to go deeper and understand the root cause of your arguments, and why having little to no expectations is best long-term. We analyzed what they said and had our own thoughts about certain things. We feel like they should have included 'honesty and communication' because they always refer to it, in every episode, so it made sense to add it here. Lisa started saying she believes you have to be selfish in a relationship, we understood where she was going, but Tom cut her off because he was probably thinking the same thing we were lol. Anyway, that caused her to change what she was saying. It was a good one and opened up a good conversation for us both, even about a minor incident we had yesterday.

I just want to give a special shoutout to @Wade W. Wilson <3 Post-recovery... your arms have held me at my weakest, your eyes have seen me at my worst, and your heart has loved me through the darkest of times. I’m so thankful for you and the love we share!


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I didn't over eat; yet lol.

#Video
Daily Habits of Successful People

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DAY 1113: 02/15/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, we had a decent Valentine's Day, nothing 'romantic', but he did make a nice dinner, we shared that moment with our little one lol. Then we watched a Netflix comedy special before turning it in for the night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "How To Be Successful In Life", in this episode, financial wellness tips from Rich Dad, Poor Dad author Robert Kiyosaki. Remember, you become the words you speak.

This morning, during our walk, we listened to "How to Pick the Right Partner For a Lifetime of Love" a Q&A, on Relationship Theory with Tom & Lisa Bilyeu. During this set, they discuss the importance of knowing if your partner is the right one for you and why you need to have clear and open communication about your shared values. They discuss the importance of selecting the right partner, understanding your differences, why you need to share the same core values, the power of communication, and why changing over time with your partner can be expected.

My phone is on the fritz, so I had to factory reset it. I hope this fixes it, if not, I will cry... for real. Ugh.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Video
KEEP THEM POOR

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DAY 1114: 02/16/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Family Time.
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Last night, Wade gave me a wonderful trifecta. Afterward, we watched some tv, our heads are still spinning/exhausted after dealing with our eldest's tantrums all day.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "4 Tips On How To Stop Overthinking And Worrying", in this episode, we get 4 great tips on how to stop overthinking and worrying. Remember, overthinking is the fine art of creating problems where there are none.

This morning, Wade had PT, but before he left, he joined me for a workout session. I've come to realize long-gone are the days of working out in peace lol I must wear sleeves/braces on my knees, or else I am out of commission for days! after he came back, we decided to have a family day, our eldest did not want to join us - so, we took the little one and went to the mall. She had fun at Build-A-Bear, even made one for her ungrateful sister. Then we had lunch together at her favorite spot, the food was delicious and the company was even better. I am happy she still enjoys spending time with us. There were a few triggers for me towards the end of our stay, but that's my life now.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Some triggers - got through them.

#Video
4 Dangerous Effects Of Overthinking

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DAY 1115: 02/17/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Heaters.
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Last night, he gave me another lovely trifecta and we watched a bit of tv. We headed to bed early, but he wanted to continue watching his stuff there. I'm surprised he didn't go for 'it' when there was a chance, especially because our eldest was at her grandparents for the night and I wasn't at the point of passing out yet. Maybe he was too tired himself. Then, when I turned around to try and sleep, one of our neighbors called and talked my ear off, for over an hour.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "The Importance of Respecting Yourself", in this episode, Freddy Fri talks with us about the importance of respecting yourself. Remember, above all things, respect yourself.

This morning, because Wade had a doctor's appointment, we decided to just run some errands, so we did. At one of the stops, there were a few triggers there, which does not surprise me, it is what it is, they are everywhere.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Was patient with my little one, after discovering she made a TikTok account.

#Video
You Deserve Respect

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DAY 1116: 02/18/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, he gave me a salon treatment, and now my hair looks spectacular. Then he gave me a hand and foot rub as we began watching "Father of the Bride" with Steve Martin. My God, they do not make actors like that anymore, so much expression in his act, it is just so refreshing yet nostalgic to see.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "5 Accelerated Learning Techniques You Can Start Using Today", in this episode, we learn 5 accelerated learning techniques you can start using today. Remember, the ability to shape our environment is a unique human Super Power, don't let it go to waste.

This morning, during our car ride and then walk, we began listening to "Relationship Expert Reveals Red Flags You Need to Watch Out For" an interview with Matthew Hussey, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Matthew is a motivational speaker and dating advice expert, that Wade and I really enjoy listening to. They explore the red flags of a toxic relationship and what to do if you spot them. They discuss why not everything is toxic just because it was labeled as so, why the rationale behind your feelings might be invalid, how to properly approach a breakup, what to do after you’ve broken up, how to heal your trust issues, why you need to be self-aware and self-reflective, why you need to have compassion when approaching your partner, and much more. So far, we heard them talk about the key red flags to watch out for in your relationship, how labeling things as ‘toxic’ can be going over the line, why the rationale behind our feelings may be invalid, why people use language poorly while exiting a relationship, why reaching out after a breakup can lead to pain, why it can be so difficult to forgive, and how to let go of the pain from your past relationships. Although I did get triggered during our walk, I am glad we were able to walk at all because a snowstorm really hit hard, we got back home in the nick of time.

Soon Wade has to get back to work, that is going to suck, I prefer when he is home with me.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got triggered but worked through it.

#Video
5 Quick Tips to Accelerate your Learning

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DAY 1117: 02/19/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Sleeping a little longer.
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Last night, he gave me a trifecta... with a little 'extra' LOL it was a good night, that's all I will say. He was also full of compliments and adorable lovey-dovey messages all night, it was sweet and made me giddy inside.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Brain Training Exercises To Help You Think More Clearly", in this episode, we learn about a few brain training exercises that will help you to think more clearly. Remember, what you think affects how you perform, training your brain is as important as training your body.

This morning, my muscles were, umm sore... so I was forced to skip my morning exercises. Then we had a snowstorm and it continued through this morning, so we could not g walking either. So... I guess today will just be a recovery/lazy day. Oh well LOL. Perhaps I will get back to working on my contract and maybe do a lesson or two of my InDesign class.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Was stuck at home, therefore no triggers.

#Video
HOW TO BECOME LIMITLESS

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DAY 1118: 02/20/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a lovely trifecta, really soothed all those 'extra' aches and pains I had lol. Then we watched a review of "WandaVision", after being on the edge of our seats watching the actual episode earlier. I went to bed and Wade left for work, his staycation is over and that makes me sad.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "What Are The Benefits Of Meditation For Mindfulness", in this episode, we get a great answer to the question What Are The Benefits Of Meditation. Remember, thinking directly affects our behavior.

This morning, we finished listening to "Relationship Expert Reveals Red Flags You Need to Watch Out For" an interview with Matthew Hussey, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Matthew is a motivational speaker and dating advice expert, that Wade and I really enjoy listening to. They explore the red flags of a toxic relationship and what to do if you spot them. They discuss why not everything is toxic just because it was labeled as so, why the rationale behind your feelings might be invalid, how to properly approach a breakup, what to do after you’ve broken up, how to heal your trust issues, why you need to be self-aware and self-reflective, why you need to have compassion when approaching your partner, and much more. We heard them talk about the power of approaching your partner with compassion, what to look for early into a relationship, why you need to reflect and have self-awareness, why you should never rush to drawing a conclusion, and why you need to be vulnerable. This was a really good one, especially when Matthew went into trust issues because it gave us an opportunity to discuss our own issues, including my difficulties in dealing with my own fears. I want to trust him completely, I want to never be triggered again, and the sooner the better! but it is just not happening for me and I hate it. It has been over 3 years, I have seen how much he has changed, but my brain refuses to stop this crap, it's unfair and taking way too long. My gut might be closer to feeling something, I feel like it's on the verge sometimes, but it's not there and that gets me even more annoyed and pissed off.

Anyway, I also stepped on the scale this morning. It's official, working out and eating better/less is completely useless for me and actually causes me to gain weight. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!? Ugh, I hate PCOS. It also doesn't help calm my fears either, because I'm busting my ass and instead of working, it's not and what if that changes how he sees me, aka the bigger I get >> the better those other women look?!


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Finally walked today.

#Video
A Refreshing 10 Minute Guided Meditation

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DAY 1119: 02/21/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade.
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Last night, he gave me a lovely trifecta as we listened to classical music that calmed both our minds. Shortly after, we watched a bit of "Watchmen" on HBO and so far, it's okay, I hope it picks up. Then it was time for bed for me and work for him.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Understanding The Anxiety Cycle And How To Quickly End It", in this episode, we get help understanding the anxiety cycle and learn how we can quickly end it. Remember, the mountains you are carrying you were only meant to climb, you must learn to let things go.

This morning, I did my workout, tidied up our place a little, and then, once the little one was situated, I took some time to watch a TEDx talk, "Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships" with Joanne Davila. Mrs. Davila is a Psychologist and researcher. Her expertise is in the area of romantic relationships and mental health in adolescents and adults. In this talk, she explains that people may know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like, but most don’t know how to get one. She describes how you can create the things that lead to healthy relationships and reduce the things that lead to unhealthy ones using three evidence-based skills – insight, mutuality, and emotion regulation.

Later today, we'll have visitors, Wade's parents - because today is his birthday and we are going to have a small get-together in his honor. I hope that this evening will go smoothly and he will have a good time. On that note, @Wade W. Wilson Happy Birthday! you know I wish you good health, love, happiness, wealth, continued growth, and strength in your recovery! I want you to have a happy and peaceful day.



_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Did TWO workouts.

#Video
Rewiring the Anxious Brain

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DAY 1120: 02/22/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Headphones.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, after a nice birthday dinner for Wade, we just watched some tv until he left for work and I headed off to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Stop Struggling With Sleep Deprivation and Fall Asleep Fast", in this episode, we learn how to stop struggling with sleep deprivation and fall asleep fast. Remember, the best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.

This morning, Wade was too tired to drive down to the mall for our usual walk (and it is too cold to walk at the park here). So, I just did some at-home workouts. I've been struggling to stay motivated so much, not because it does not feel good after a workout, but because after exercising for over a month, getting to 10k a day, plus eating under 2000 calories, my weight is going UP and not down. I HATE PCOS, I feel so defeated because of it, I don't know what else I can do. Not to mention, as soon as I see the numbers going in a bad direction on the scale, it throws me into a depression/panic as to what Wade will begin thinking or doing because of how I look aka not changing for the better. Will he want to go back to ogling again? because those women look so much better... maybe PM? the thought of everything going back to how it was pre-recovery, destroys me. I know he says he loves how I look and only wants me; now, but what if that's only true because I haven't gained all the weight I lost, back -- yet? who knows??? and it is driving me insane.

I'm going to be doing a lot more research on my battle with PCOS, because I am so over-busting my ass and not getting any results.



_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Was okay with not walking.

#Video
HOW to get more quality sleep

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DAY 1121: 02/23/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) High-Speed Internet.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it was such a relief on my aches and pains. Later, we watched our guilty pleasure "90 Day Fiance" and then by the end of it Wade was blaming me for getting him into this show, haha!!! then it was time for bed and for him to go to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Transform Your Mind To A New Way Of Thinking About Retirement", in this episode, we have a TEDx Talk with Lacey Filipich that will transform your mind into a new way of thinking about retirement. Remember, retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living.

This morning, he had a PT appointment and the kids had remote learning, so I could not go on my walk again. This morning I did my workouts and then got ready for the day. After the kids were situated, I listened to "Therapist Reveals How to Stop Others From Manipulating You" an interview with Nedra Glover Tawwab, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Nedra is a therapist, content creator, and author. During this interview, they discuss ways you can begin to set powerful and clear boundaries in your life while still maintaining healthy, loving relationships. They discuss how to acknowledge the boundaries you need to set, how to shift the language you use to put you in control of situations, how to handle conflicting boundaries within your relationships, why you need to take ownership over your choices, how to handle disrespect, the power of being clear, why you need to stop apologizing, how to maintain boundaries after setting them. It was an interesting one, but no one ever answers what you (boundary-wise) when it's someone really close, like parents or even kids, sigh.

Hoping for an uneventful and mentally relaxing day.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Did cardio, Zumba, and toning this morning.

#Video
Why you should think about financial independence and mini-retirements

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DAY 1122: 02/24/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade gave me the trifecta and it felt really soothing. We watched the Britney Spears documentary "Framing Britney Spears" and oh my God, I never knew the deep-deep hole she is in and how everyone basically destroyed her mental health. It is all insane if you grew up in the '90s-'00s and just saw the 'wholesome girl next door pop star', you need to watch this.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "5 Tips On How To Control Your Feelings and Emotions", in this episode, Freddy Fri has an important message for us on how to con. Remember, do not let your feelings and emotions distract you from doing that which you know needs to be done.

This morning, during our walk, we listened to "The Uncomfortable Truth About Why You and Your Partner Struggle to Communicate" a Q&A, on Relationship Theory with Tom & Lisa Bilyeu. During this set, they share their key communication techniques they find the most effective towards having a strong and healthy relationship. They discuss how they navigate moments of sticky communication, how emotions can skew your mind, the importance of being vulnerable with your partner, why you sometimes need to let your partner go crazy, how to help your partner during emotional times, why it’s always on you to improve, and how to learn from your past.

We talked about a minor trigger I had at Target, one that used to get me a bit more riled up before. Wade thinks I'm progressing a lot more than I believe I am. We've had this discussion before, but hey I guess if he feels that way, maybe he is seeing something I am not. To me, until I feel totally safe and secure in this relationship (when it comes to his attraction and reactions to other women), plus lose ALL triggers, I'm not healed, and in my opinion, it is taking way too long - if it ever actually happens.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Pushing through my sleepiness.

#Video
Facts Over Feelings

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DAY 1123: 02/25/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade was tired, so we skipped everything and went straight into finishing '90 Day Fiance' and then beginning our other guilty pleasure 'Married at First Sight'. Then we headed off to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "The Definitive Answer To The Question Do We Create Our Own Reality", in this episode, we get the definitive answer to the question do we create our own reality. Remember, we're all self-made, but only those who feel they are successful will admit it.

This morning, we drove down to the Russian store, not too far away but in another state. Wade and my parents did their shopping, I got a little bit for myself. Then we headed home, I began a new medicine... praying for there to be minimal side effects, not as extreme as others have described. *Fingers crossed...

Now we have a few hours of peace before the kiddos are home.



_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today.

#Video
THE OTHER SIDE OF SUFFERING

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DAY 1124: 02/26/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a lovely trifecta, where we analyzed and over-analyzed Married at First Sight and 90 Day Fiance, he was so excited he kept pausing the rub making me get cold on and off LOL. Then we watched some TV and called it a night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "7 Simple Things You Can Easily Do To Be Your Best Every Day", in this episode, we learn some very simple things you can easily do to be your best every day. Remember, excellence is not being the best. Excellence is doing your best.

This morning, during our walk, we listened to "If You're Worried You'll Regret Not Having Kids, Watch This" a Q&A, on Relationship Theory with Tom & Lisa Bilyeu. During this set, they discuss how you should approach the decision of having kids and why you shouldn’t feel guilt or regret if you decide not to. They discuss how to deal with pressure from family, why honesty about what you want is important, why you shouldn’t let fear of regret drive your decisions, why desire of fulfillment always leads people to have kids, and how children are a reflection of each partner. It was all right, nothing they've never mentioned before but I don't really agree with the idea of her never-ending up with regrets. *Shrug*

Then we came home for a lazy day because I have been super tired since morning. Apparently, my new medicine is only giving me side-effects and not any of the perks, go figure.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today.

#Video
BE YOUR BEST

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DAY 1125: 02/27/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Car Ride.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a lovely trifecta, during the back rub we talked about his earlier session. The doctor seems to have told him, pretty much, what I've been telling him lol. Then we watched some American Gods and I called it a night. However, I ended up barely sleeping because... that's just me.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "How Does Meditation Change The Brain", in this episode, we hear about how does meditation change The Brain. Remember, our life is shaped in our mind as we become what we think.

This morning, I was out of it, so we just did a supermarket run. It was nice to get away from the noise, although it was nasty out. Today, as Wade sleeps I will be working on a client's project and then continuing my inDesign lessons. >>> And maybe sneak in a nap in-between.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers for me.

#Video
Does Meditation Really Affect Your Brain?

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DAY 1126: 02/28/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a soothing trifecta, I think both of us needed a mental break after dealing with my parent's upstairs neighbor nonsense. Then we continued watching American Gods, this show has been consistently good and both of us really enjoy it.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "5 Most Important Skills You Must Learn To Live Your Best Life", in this episode, we learn about the 5 most important skills you must learn to live your best life. Remember, never stop learning because life never stops teaching.

This morning, during our walk, we listened to "Why You Can't Stay Away From Toxic Relationships and How to Let Them Go" a Q&A, on Relationship Theory with Tom & Lisa Bilyeu. During this set, they discuss how to let go of your past traumatic relationship and open up for the loving relationship you deserve. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After you watch this episode, you´ll know how to heal from a toxic relationship and prevent getting into one in the future. You´ll learn the most important questions you need to ask to change the future of your relationships and understand the real reason why you can´t let go of the baggage of your previous relationship. This one opened up a conversation for Wade and me, it lasted all the way until we got home. He believes that if my self-esteem were uplifted and I was more confident in myself, told myself "I am beautiful" instead of "I am not ugly, but I'm okay" that it would also change how my fears and triggers affect me when it comes to our relationship. We have a disagreement on this topic, as I believe, that no matter how beautiful I could think I am, it wouldn't make a difference when it comes to the relationship if I am still under the perception that my husband prefers other women, physically and not me. He swears that he finds me attractive ("and always has") and even more now, than ever but, I don't know how much I believe that statement, given how quickly he forgot I existed after we got married while drooling over everyone and their mother. I don't know if such disregard can suddenly get swayed in another direction... and if by chance it did, how quickly could it then be switched back? I love him so very much, I desire him and find him attractive > all things that have never been put into doubt for him... however from my side of it, there has been a lot of doubt cast and I don't know if I will ever get to a place where I am safe and secure about how he sees me, no matter how much I want it. How he treats me now feels good and authentic, but what if he is lying to himself or if it isn't just there because of our connection and not physical attraction? my brain is running a mile a minute, but this makes sense to me.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Video
The most important skill for improving your life

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I believe I've mentioned this before to you, but it's not 150% all about physical attraction for me, well, had we had a normal relationship history. Of course, I am not naive and I know that both he and I will be a bag of wrinkles soon enough. We have a really strong connection now, based on mind, and heart. However, when I was at my peak physically, I was confident in how I looked, etc., not now (I'm 36, I don't think I am super young at all) but I was in my early twenties when we got married, within a few short months I began noticing how he completely ignored me (as if I were a ghost), no matter what I did, how I dressed up or down, didn't matter - to him I was invisible. But when we were out, I saw him practically going above and beyond to ogle other women. This really threw me for a loop, some women were better looking/hotter and I would justify that in my head with "well, maybe if I lose weight and look like her - he will look at me again?", but others were, well - no comment- so I would think to myself "hold on a sec, he has me and he is looking at THAT instead?" -- I was literally 'shelved' for over 12 years as a woman, just watching him, give other women his undivided attention, while getting nothing on my end. This destroyed my self-esteem, it was draining out of me bit by bit, over the years. It also left us with zero foundation when it comes to our relationship, it took my almost leaving and him starting recovery to start growing it, from scratch.

It is very important to me that he finds "me" attractive [my personality and mind], but at the moment it is just as important that I feel he is also physically attracted to me as well because I didn't have that foundation at all for over a decade. One of my greatest fears is that he will wake up one morning, look at me and go "meh, you are not appealing, I rather look at her, be with someone like her, etc" and the whole cycle that I barely got through in the past will repeat itself.

From his side of it, he can easily find comfort in knowing that during his 'youth' aka peak, his wife found him attractive, desired him, and wanted him because there was never any doubt planted there. So, now as we get older and the foundation of heart, mind, and soul has turned into a strong connection (foundation), he is not standing on shaky ground. He has that safety and security.

I don't have the basic foundation from him, when it comes to the physical attraction aspect I am standing on uncertain and shaky ground and until that has stabilized, it's not so easy for me to just 'forget looks and just enjoy the soul' sort of thing. Yeah, he is telling me everything I want to hear now, what I wanted him to express to me for over 12 years, but because it was missing for so long, I question whether it is possible for him to suddenly want/desire me, after disregarding me for so long. I know he is changing, but the whole up and down of it does not make sense to me. I want to believe him now, honestly, I do, but just as he switched to wanting me, I feel like he could just as easily switch back to preferring others. I know he has come far in his recovery and I am proud of him for that, he is a changed man and acts like the kind of man I thought I was marrying from the get-go, but I can not (yet) get past our history, my PTSD is too strong still and it makes me question the validity of everything.

I don't know if I answered your question, but I guess ultimately, for me, yes it would be a relief to know that he wants me no matter what. But, I need to know that right now, while we still have some youth, before I am a total bag of wrinkles, he finds me attractive and to the point where it does not matter who else is around, he only has eyes for me, so that my base foundation is solid so that over time, as our looks fade, this foundation remains strong and not shaky, as the house on top continues to get renovated. I need that sense of security to be strong, right alongside our growing connection. If that makes sense.