My SO journal

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by lostintx, Apr 5, 2019.

  1. EatCake

    EatCake Fapstronaut

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    What kind of painting are you working on now?

    Isn't Austin amazing?! I bet you can get a lot of inspiration from that city :)
     
  2. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    I'm doing a nightscape kind of thing.
     
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  3. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    I'm exhausted.. Last night I was actually able to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, but I woke up at midnight and couldn't go back to sleep. Kiddo woke up with fever, turns out she has strep. Went to the gym and another COSA meeting today. I think I'm getting a little more comfortable with the group setting. I'm exhausted. Gonna go take some time for me here in a bit.

    Appetite is still iffy. Keeping a count of my calories each day now to make sure I'm eating enough. Having some stress induced dyspepsia too, so that's not helping.

    Mood...can't really tell past the really tired part. Not teary or angry today. Just weary.

    SO wants to go on a date on Friday. Not sure what we'll do. It seems like he's expecting me to plan this one too, which is kind of frustrating...but Saturday is the day of the big whammy, so I guess we should make the most of it. To be honest, I kind of wish I could just sleep until then. I think I could probably use it.
     
  4. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    Today is the first day that my SO has been back to work since just after D-day. There's a customer convention type thing going on this week and he has to be there. I was a little worried about today. I won't see him til late tonight and he left at the buttcrack of early this morning. Hopefully everything goes well for him.

    I went for my first ever massage today. It was glorious. Totally going to do it again soon. Not sure what I was so anxious about.

    SO and I talked a little last night about how he's been doing. He didn't go into any detail, but I guess he had a slip about 10 days ago. It bugs me that it took him so long to tell me, because we had talked about disclosing these things within 24 hours of the event occurring. I guess I'll just need to check in with him a little more frequently than I have been. He's been a little uncomfortable talking to me about all of it, but that's just something we'll both have to deal with.

    Have my last appointment with therapist lady before the full disclosure tomorrow. Hopefully it's a good session.

    Kiddo is feeling a little better today, still napping on and off; Think I may join her in the nappage.

    Hope you all are doing ok.
     
  5. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    I haven't painted today, but I did doodle while my kiddo snuggled on the couch and watched her teen Canadian drama about horses.

    SO just got home from his convention and we had another good talk. Didn't sound like he struggled too much with the SA stuff today, but he did tell me that today was the first time since he stopped drinking 18 months ago that he really wanted alcohol. He didn't indulge, but he said he was super tempted. I think that this is probably going to come up more as he abstains from pmo. He doesn't have that other addiction to lean on and he's going to have to work on the healthy coping mechanisms.
     

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  6. DetroitRok

    DetroitRok Fapstronaut

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    Just read the entire thread. It gives me more of the SO perspective. Hopefully it helps me understand and care for my wife. Anyway, I’m pulling for you guys.
     
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  7. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    Well I'm glad that you are gaining perspective There's a podcast that might be worth listening to for both of you. It's called The betrayed, the addicted and the expert. It's very informative.
     
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  8. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Beautiful drawing...you have real talent, something well worth expanding on . I bet your daughter is watching Heartland . If so it’s an excellent family show.

    I have to agree...then podcast is excellent. They have some great points, and it lets you know the entire scope of the issue, from all three sides.
     
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  9. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    Yep. That's the one. I keep getting sucked into watching it because it's pretty cute.
     
  10. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    I love the horses in it...but then I’m a horse nut
     
  11. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    Kiddo loves horses too. She wants to be either a vet or work in agriculture when she grows up. Both sets of her grandparents have farms.
     
  12. DetroitRok

    DetroitRok Fapstronaut

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    I’ll check it out!
     
  13. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    Tomorrow is the day. At 10:00 AM, SO and I will be at our therapists office so that we can do the full disclosure. Thinking about it makes me feel ill, but hopefully after this we can start working on rebuilding. Right now I do not trust him. Right now I am resentful and I am hurting. Of course I do not expect this to get better tomorrow by any means, but at least (hopefully) all cards will be on the table and I will have a better idea of where we stand. I meant to go to the gym this morning; I may still do it, but I definitely missed the workout class I wanted to go to, so it'll just be self directed exercise.

    I got a good 4 hours of sleep last night. I think I'd have slept more if SO hadn't been at his work conference so late, but I wanted to make sure he made it home ok. I shared with him my thoughts about his addiction- I think he's really going to struggle with managing both of them because he doesn't have PMO to use as a crutch. He acknowledged my concerns, but he is not convinced that it will be a problem. He only works a half day today, so we're going to spend the rest of the day together before the shit hits the fan.

    Hope you all are having a great day so far.
     
  14. DetroitRok

    DetroitRok Fapstronaut

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    I’ll be thinking about you guys. It’s amazing that you’re committed to your PA no matter what you hear tomorrow. It’s encouraging to me (a PA who probably needs to do a full disclosure and who is terrified.)
     
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  15. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    @DetroitRok thanks for thinking of us.

    SO and I went and got coffee after he finished at work, went on a hike this afternoon, had dinner at this great little asian fusion place, then we came home and watched Game of Thrones. (He says the nudity doesn't trigger him in that one, which he admitted was weird.) We are still not caught up on it because I never finished the last book and he didn't want me to keep watching past season 2 if I wasn't caught up (He finally gave up because I've been buried in classwork). All in all it was pretty pleasant.

    He has made all these plans for the rest of the weekend. I think he's preparing to keep himself busy in case I don't want to see him for a while, but I made it clear that my expectation is that he's home at night each night. He seemed annoyed that I pointed his plethora of plans out, but agreed to be home at night. It makes me anxious that he's preparing for me to be so upset that I don't even want him in the same house. I keep trying to reassure myself that it's probably not as bad as the narrative my crazy brain has made up, but his anxiety is rubbing off on me. Gonna drink some sleepy time tea and head to bed in a sec. I wish my dogs weren't squirmy jerk faces. I think it might be comforting to snuggle a pupper at night.
     
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  16. DetroitRok

    DetroitRok Fapstronaut

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    I bet he’d rather die than go to your 10am appointment tomorrow.

    Sounds like you’re nervous too.

    I hope it eventually results in great joy for you both.
     
  17. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    Today is the day. Wish me luck...
     
  18. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    It was horrible. Much worse than I thought it was going to be. He was right to make plans for the weekend.

    I am drunk. I spent my afternoon drinking with a friend. Of course I couldn't tell her everything. I can't even tell you guys everything.

    I had a bit of clarity when I came home though. We're going to make this work. He's not going to have any private space for his own anymore. It's mine. It's all mine. There are some definite boundaries that will be in place for a long time, and we're getting another dog. He doesn't get a say in that. I'll probably be think of more things to do when my mind is clearer, but I needed to check out for a bit. I still love him. I just need to reconcile myself to my new reality and we need some intensive work. Thankfully our therapist lady is fantastic, so we have a wonderful resource in her.

    Going to the beach to celebrate my 30th birthday. Going to have to make new memories that will cover up the shitty ones I now have, but I think we can do it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2019
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  19. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Hugs to you. Disclosure day sucks. Hang in there.
     
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  20. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Hello lostintx...hope you’re doing better. Happy birthday too. Thinking about you and sending hugs and understanding.
     

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