One more time

Day 17

Finally got up when I wanted to. Didn't do everything I wanted but did my training in the morning and I'm happy.
Kinda had mixed feelings. Started crying at one point in training and dropped to my knees. I was afraid that I'll never get to where I want to be. As I mentioned before it was a feeling of not being good enough. Man, I'm so broke right now and I honestly don't know how to pay the bills. Had to go to a meeting because I am going to recieve welfare but was too late so they said I had to wait a week for a new time. It just pissed me off. Feeling sorry for oneself is not good but sometimes it gets so damn hard. Didn't have any strong urges at least. I'll keep going for everything I want no matter what. I just can't wait until the day that I can leave from here, let everything that hurt me so bad behind me and do what I love. I just know one thing: PMO is never going to mess with my life and to make that sure I'll log in here every day. For everyone that reads this and is going through some hard times: Keep pushing! Strive for greatness. Maybe nobody's there to help you but you still got this. Just one step after the other!
 
Yashar said:
It's fighting but not going 100% so you don't hurt your sparring partner.

Well, sometimes I just think to myself: I'm jobless, I'm broke. What can I tell ANYBODY? I know it's a stupid thought but life's kinda hard right now and I sometimes just think that I'm not enough.
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Sparring sounds like a healthy way to let out some excess energy.

I and many people know the feeling of not being enough.

It is hard to establish yourself in life with a job and everything else.

The world seems to often be working against us.

Still, even without anything else, we can always have our own self-respect.

By participating on this site, we are claiming that much, which is a lot.
 
No I just sparred against a few of the pros. Ye Tony was a champ, very tough. Chris Eubanks trainer trained me. There were a load of good fighters and good friends. I did it 5 days a week for about two years. Chris Eubank JNr was just starting out then.
 
Yashar said:
Day 17

Finally got up when I wanted to. Didn't do everything I wanted but did my training in the morning and I'm happy.
Kinda had mixed feelings. Started crying at one point in training and dropped to my knees. I was afraid that I'll never get to where I want to be. As I mentioned before it was a feeling of not being good enough. Man, I'm so broke right now and I honestly don't know how to pay the bills. Had to go to a meeting because I am going to recieve welfare but was too late so they said I had to wait a week for a new time. It just pissed me off. Feeling sorry for oneself is not good but sometimes it gets so damn hard. Didn't have any strong urges at least. I'll keep going for everything I want no matter what. I just can't wait until the day that I can leave from here, let everything that hurt me so bad behind me and do what I love. I just know one thing: PMO is never going to mess with my life and to make that sure I'll log in here every day. For everyone that reads this and is going through some hard times: Keep pushing! Strive for greatness. Maybe nobody's there to help you but you still got this. Just one step after the other!
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I was just by chance listening to an interview with Vinny Pacienza on the way back from the gym today. An actually quite inspiring character. He said that with determination, persistence and hard work you will succeed in anything you do. I could be wrong here but I'd suggest not to let 'not pmoing' be the pillar that you build your happiness and success on. You're doing great and I understand where you are coming from. You won't slip but life is a journey and you're not perfect so don't get too hung up on things. A life changer for me was a vision wall (pictures of what I aspired to accompanied by a mantra eg 'everyday and in every way I am becoming a better man. I do the things I need to do when they need to be done. I am savvy with money and attract it to me. I did one 8 years ago. Looked at it and read it every morning and night and it all came through: house, married to a beautiful woman, coach, career etc. Sports psychologists use it all the time so apply it to aspects of your life that you want to improve.
 
Yashar said:
Did you have some fights? I looked him up. He was WBU light heavyweight champion, right? Must've been great having him in the gym.
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Yes that's him. I just sparred with a few pros. Great experience and time in my life.Did it for nearly two years, five times per week.
 
Sidd said:
I was just by chance listening to an interview with Vinny Pacienza on the way back from the gym today. An actually quite inspiring character. He said that with determination, persistence and hard work you will succeed in anything you do. I could be wrong here but I'd suggest not to let 'not pmoing' be the pillar that you build your happiness and success on. You're doing great and I understand where you are coming from. You won't slip but life is a journey and you're not perfect so don't get too hung up on things. A life changer for me was a vision wall (pictures of what I aspired to accompanied by a mantra eg 'everyday and in every way I am becoming a better man. I do the things I need to do when they need to be done. I am savvy with money and attract it to me. I did one 8 years ago. Looked at it and read it every morning and night and it all came through: house, married to a beautiful woman, coach, career etc. Sports psychologists use it all the time so apply it to aspects of your life that you want to improve.
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I will create a vision board. Thanks for the advice. Pazienza is a badass. Beating Roberto Duran is something that only a few people can do. Not pmoing is not a pillar, it's just a thing that will help me. The only real pillars are hard work, focus, determination and love. I know I should stay positive and not concentrate on bad aspects of my life but it's just always been kinda hard and I wonder when it will finally end. I actually know the answer, never mind. This too shall pass.
Chris Eubank Jr's left hook is a damn weapon. I love watching footage of him training. Really motivating stuff.
 
DayOne44 said:
Sparring sounds like a healthy way to let out some excess energy.

I and many people know the feeling of not being enough.

It is hard to establish yourself in life with a job and everything else.

The world seems to often be working against us.

Still, even without anything else, we can always have our own self-respect.

By participating on this site, we are claiming that much, which is a lot.
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Thinking I'm not enough is one of the most self-destructive things to do but it's something that was part of my life for a long time.
I removed most of it from my life but it pops up these days.
 
Day 18

The day didn't work out as I wanted it to but it's okay.
Had some strong urges in the morning. They passed and didn't came back for the rest of the day.

Now, I'll do a short workout of a program I bought, do my strecthes, take a shower, eat and finally go to sleep.
I'm tired as hell.
 
Yashar said:
I will create a vision board. Thanks for the advice. Pazienza is a badass. Beating Roberto Duran is something that only a few people can do. Not pmoing is not a pillar, it's just a thing that will help me. The only real pillars are hard work, focus, determination and love. I know I should stay positive and not concentrate on bad aspects of my life but it's just always been kinda hard and I wonder when it will finally end. I actually know the answer, never mind. This too shall pass.
Chris Eubank Jr's left hook is a damn weapon. I love watching footage of him training. Really motivating stuff.
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I was always a Roy Jones Jnr fan, ie until he went on too long.
A vision board is a good idea and a life creed too. I should take a leaf out of my own book. Use it to focus on improving areas of your life that you are not happy with too - that's what I did. Keep it up ;-)
 
Man, I did it again. I relapsed. Yesterday was hard for me and I had suicidal thoughts. I thought I couldn't improve the situation. I felt powerless and today I had urges that I was able to control but somehow all of this got out of hand. I don't know. I feel sorry for everyone that I've let down here. For all of you guys. Don't give up! It's possible, I just really had a bad time.
I don't want to whine about it. Tomorrow is going to be day 1 for me again. I also know what I will have to do better this time. Keep going people, it's not worth it. Not even a bit.
 
Yashar said:
Don't give up! It's possible,
Keep going people, it's not worth it. Not even a bit.
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You have not let anyone down, not even yourself.

We struggle to manage bad feelings, but often we are not strong enough yet to overcome them.

Perfect success in breaking free of this addiction is the ultimate goal, but relapses are to be expected along the way.

You are describing an emotional roller coaster, and that must be very disorienting.

Feelings of powerlessness and suicidal thoughts are extreme, and far more serious than the normal urges most of us suffer.

Even with a relapse, you've gotten through a hellish time nonetheless and are now ready to continue, and that matters most.

Take the encouragement you've given us for yourself too.

"Don't give up! It's possible . . . Keep going . . . it's not worth it. Not even a bit."
 
DayOne44 said:
You have not let anyone down, not even yourself.

We struggle to manage bad feelings, but often we are not strong enough yet to overcome them.

Perfect success in breaking free of this addiction is the ultimate goal, but relapses are to be expected along the way.

You are describing an emotional roller coaster, and that must be very disorienting.

Feelings of powerlessness and suicidal thoughts are extreme, and far more serious than the normal urges most of us suffer.

Even with a relapse, you've gotten through a hellish time nonetheless and are now ready to continue, and that matters most.

Take the encouragement you've given us for yourself too.

"Don't give up! It's possible . . . Keep going . . . it's not worth it. Not even a bit."
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Thank you. I will come back stronger from this.
 
Yashar said:
Man, I did it again. I relapsed. Yesterday was hard for me and I had suicidal thoughts. I thought I couldn't improve the situation. I felt powerless and today I had urges that I was able to control but somehow all of this got out of hand. I don't know. I feel sorry for everyone that I've let down here. For all of you guys. Don't give up! It's possible, I just really had a bad time.
I don't want to whine about it. Tomorrow is going to be day 1 for me again. I also know what I will have to do better this time. Keep going people, it's not worth it. Not even a bit.
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If you go 18 days every time you are doing ok and probably better than an awful lot of men 'who don'd have a problem'. I'll relapse now so that you don't feel bad lol...only joking. We're human, try to get to 20 next time. Just like doing weights you can build it up ;-)
 
Sidd said:
If you go 18 days every time you are doing ok and probably better than an awful lot of men 'who don'd have a problem'. I'll relapse now so that you don't feel bad lol...only joking. We're human, try to get to 20 next time. Just like doing weights you can build it up ;-)
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This helps me, after I've relapsed and broke a 33 day streak.
 
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