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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Kratos_GOW, Jun 13, 2019.
Day 19 - SPARTAN TRAINEE
Double digits acheived. Nothing suceeds like success.
Count me in
Day 4: Feeling like there is so much to write about, sitting here in front of my laptop with a cup of coffee, ready to write it all out. So where do I start? So just over 3 days ago I relapsed. Tricked again mentally by porn that, "looking at porn is okay". It sounds dumb, right? Falling for it, god damn it! But it's okay! I rethought out my Plan of Success, added a few things, moved a few things around. And now this Plan of Success is being memorized by myself, everyday, so that when the idea of pornography comes into my mind saying stupid shit like, "It's okay to look at porn", I am READY!!!
My Plan of Success starts with:
I am a non-user and I will never ever abandon my Plan. Not now, not ever, for there is nothing more rewarding in life than remaining free of this addiction! This means that I will never ever look at pornography ever again. PERIOD.
I don't know about you, but damn that's some powerful shit. The mental affirmation that: I don't use porn, I will never abandon my Plan of Success for anything, that freedom from this addiction is the be-all-end-all in my life, and that I will never look at porn again? I'm not sure there is any holes or weaknesses in such a powerful paragraph of words.
Yet, it has taken me 10 years to get to this stage, to learn about not only myself but about how this addiction works within me to control, manipulate then finally abandon me with nothing but regret, anger and sadness within. I have been on this journey to learn how to literally ANNIHILATE this evil within me, to see it for what it truly is and what its true intentions are. I thank my wife for helping me along this journey, I literally could not have done it without her love and patience with me during this time.
So all in all, what am I trying to say? Finding and maintaining my way out of pornography addiction hasn't been easy, but with a Plan of Success to guide me along day in day out, it has given me a greater happiness than I ever thought possible. And I think that's the way with this disease, it's that you don't realise how amazing things are until you truly exit out of the prison that is pornography. You think it's gonna be great when you are free, and these things keep you motivated when your weak etc. But when you really realise that you are free and you can see and feel that porn is non-existent in yourself and in your life, this blissful feeling of jubilant happiness is better than anything you can imagine. And that's just facts.
Day 9 done. Some small good news on the business front but still need one of these major deals to come through to feel better about where we are at. It's funny how I'm not even stressed about myself or my partners right now. It's only our employees and business partners that I am concerned about providing for. It actually drives you even more to do whatever it takes because you can always find another job for yourself and your family but others may not have that luxury. Let's hope tomorrow brings even more good news. For now all I can do is work my tail off to make things happen and stick to my disciplines in life like diet, exercise, and abstinence from PMO. Stay strong!
Struggling with procrastination...
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Day 20 - SPARTAN TRAINEE
I have had a couple of tough days with pmo knocking on my door. I am so glad I resisted the temptation. The reward NOT to pmo is far greater then the reward to pmo. The dopamine hit is not worth it anyways because right after pmo I feel defeated. Now instead of feeling depressed in the morning I feel good while smiling and checking in here!
I hate myself. I will beat this pathetic addiction. I will succeed this time. From now on. One hundred days.