Erick Pastora
Fapstronaut
Hi guys, I'm on day 25 and have had my ups and downs. I've improved myself but there's still one thing that I've been struggling with the most, which is also the reason I joined NoFap. That is, social anxiety. I've read a lot of forums, quora questions, and seen a lot of RSD (Real Social Dynamics) videos and have made my own conclusions. But the harsh truth is, you won't be able to change if you don't really want to. Our true intentions come by actions, not words. No forum or video will convince you, only you can convince yourself.
If you feel terrifying panic because of your social anxiety, here's some things that I have been able to tell myself now and if anyone else wants to try them I will be more than happy.
1. Accept you have a problem
Quoting American Beauty: "Never underestimate the power of denial". If you don't accept you're not doing things right, you'll never be able to change. The problem is, if you don't get out of your comfort zone, you'll never see the need to change, because the comfort zone feels safe.
2. Baby steps
If you are able to go all the way, do it. But for most of us that isn't the case, try overcoming your fears step by step. Think about all the things that scare you in social situations. Not only approaching girls, but making friends, talking to strangers, speaking your mind in class, asking your boss for something, anything that makes you feel panic. Find the less fearful things and start by doing them, empower yourself. If you get confidence for every little thing, you'll be able to reach for all your goals. I'll throw in another quote: "When you want something in life, you just gotta reach out and grab it" - Into the Wild
3. Embrace fear and akwardness
Stop thinking of fear as your obstacle that keeps you away from happiness, think about fear as your test for happiness. Don't expect things to be perfect, be happy with anything that happens. If you're approaching a girl for example, and you trip and fall, don't feel like it's the end of the world. Instead, say a joke or just laugh. If you want to get girls you gotta show them you're a confident man who doesn't care about anything that happens, because you're still yourself. Fear can be your worst enemy or your best friend, because it makes you feel aware of your surroundings. If you fear what other people think about you, always remember everyone is scared about something, nobody's perfect.
4. Be Social
If you put all your energy, all your thoughts and all your focus on talking to one girl, you'll be paralyzed because you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Instead, for example you go into the club, start to talking to people, make friends, just talk, be yourself. Always make friends, girls like guys who have a social life outside of talking to them. Go out, have some fun, stop dreaming about what it would be to be a social anxiety-free guy and embrace every opportunity you have.
5. Don't overthink
Your biggest enemy is your mind. For those of you who like HIMYM, remember the pineapple incident? Disconnect your mind, just act. You see the girl you like and talk to her, don't think about what to say, stop thinking about EVERYTHING and just talk. Really, just do it. If you're turned down, doesn't matter, you'll have better luck the next time. Understand that dating is a numbers game, you'll NEVER be able to get all the girls, but you'll have better results if you learn from rejection. Never deny to yourself that you were rejected, learn from every single situation.
6. Be straightforward
If you want to make a move, make a move. Girls like guys with the balls to tell them what they want and not be scared. Play it cool, but don't be too slow. If the girl you like doesn't know your intentions, she won't even know you're interested. Ask girls out, if they reject you it's ok. Don't make friends and after 3 months of being friends tell the girl you want something else because if she doesn't want you you'll get stucked in the friendzone. Reverse the play: if you meet a girl and you ask her out (in the right way) after a couple of times you see her she will know what you want and can say yes or no right away. If she says no, she's not a bitch, she's not a slut, she's not mean, she is just a girl that knows what she wants. Accept rejection and don't justify yourself because you won't learn anything.
7. Don't give a F*CK
Guys, really. This is the very secret for you to overcome your social anxiety: stop caring about what other people think. I'm not saying be an ass, but you HAVE to love yourself to that point where you can accept people thinking whatever they want. Again, nobody's perfect and usually people that criticize others just do it because they're jelaous or something's wrong with their life and that's their way of dealing with it.
It's hard, believe me it hasn't been easy for me to overcome this fear. But you can't give up. This world is not for quitters. Don't lose hope.
This is the last quote:
"If you assume that there is no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that is an instinct for freedom, that there are opportunities to change things, then there is a possibility that you can contribute to making a better world" - Captain Fantastic.
If you feel terrifying panic because of your social anxiety, here's some things that I have been able to tell myself now and if anyone else wants to try them I will be more than happy.
1. Accept you have a problem
Quoting American Beauty: "Never underestimate the power of denial". If you don't accept you're not doing things right, you'll never be able to change. The problem is, if you don't get out of your comfort zone, you'll never see the need to change, because the comfort zone feels safe.
2. Baby steps
If you are able to go all the way, do it. But for most of us that isn't the case, try overcoming your fears step by step. Think about all the things that scare you in social situations. Not only approaching girls, but making friends, talking to strangers, speaking your mind in class, asking your boss for something, anything that makes you feel panic. Find the less fearful things and start by doing them, empower yourself. If you get confidence for every little thing, you'll be able to reach for all your goals. I'll throw in another quote: "When you want something in life, you just gotta reach out and grab it" - Into the Wild
3. Embrace fear and akwardness
Stop thinking of fear as your obstacle that keeps you away from happiness, think about fear as your test for happiness. Don't expect things to be perfect, be happy with anything that happens. If you're approaching a girl for example, and you trip and fall, don't feel like it's the end of the world. Instead, say a joke or just laugh. If you want to get girls you gotta show them you're a confident man who doesn't care about anything that happens, because you're still yourself. Fear can be your worst enemy or your best friend, because it makes you feel aware of your surroundings. If you fear what other people think about you, always remember everyone is scared about something, nobody's perfect.
4. Be Social
If you put all your energy, all your thoughts and all your focus on talking to one girl, you'll be paralyzed because you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Instead, for example you go into the club, start to talking to people, make friends, just talk, be yourself. Always make friends, girls like guys who have a social life outside of talking to them. Go out, have some fun, stop dreaming about what it would be to be a social anxiety-free guy and embrace every opportunity you have.
5. Don't overthink
Your biggest enemy is your mind. For those of you who like HIMYM, remember the pineapple incident? Disconnect your mind, just act. You see the girl you like and talk to her, don't think about what to say, stop thinking about EVERYTHING and just talk. Really, just do it. If you're turned down, doesn't matter, you'll have better luck the next time. Understand that dating is a numbers game, you'll NEVER be able to get all the girls, but you'll have better results if you learn from rejection. Never deny to yourself that you were rejected, learn from every single situation.
6. Be straightforward
If you want to make a move, make a move. Girls like guys with the balls to tell them what they want and not be scared. Play it cool, but don't be too slow. If the girl you like doesn't know your intentions, she won't even know you're interested. Ask girls out, if they reject you it's ok. Don't make friends and after 3 months of being friends tell the girl you want something else because if she doesn't want you you'll get stucked in the friendzone. Reverse the play: if you meet a girl and you ask her out (in the right way) after a couple of times you see her she will know what you want and can say yes or no right away. If she says no, she's not a bitch, she's not a slut, she's not mean, she is just a girl that knows what she wants. Accept rejection and don't justify yourself because you won't learn anything.
7. Don't give a F*CK
Guys, really. This is the very secret for you to overcome your social anxiety: stop caring about what other people think. I'm not saying be an ass, but you HAVE to love yourself to that point where you can accept people thinking whatever they want. Again, nobody's perfect and usually people that criticize others just do it because they're jelaous or something's wrong with their life and that's their way of dealing with it.
It's hard, believe me it hasn't been easy for me to overcome this fear. But you can't give up. This world is not for quitters. Don't lose hope.
This is the last quote:
"If you assume that there is no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that is an instinct for freedom, that there are opportunities to change things, then there is a possibility that you can contribute to making a better world" - Captain Fantastic.
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I wanna see girl's articles about how to get men xD