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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.
I spent the day in an underground hovel. Drinking tea with Bilbo Baggins. We recounted the wondrous life of Frodo. Bilbo said he didn't feel it was worth it to take the ring just to live longer. It drained a part of his soul in the process.
I replied, seems like the elves are the only one's who have it good you know? Long life and no side effects. But who really knows? Maybe it's not so bad to be human in this life. At least I'm not a Dwarf. I just don't like the idea of being short hairy and stout after all this time being the opposite.
I stopped adventuring. I just sat in my Smial. Drinking and smoking with Bilbo. Telling stories and eating good food. Oh how we laughed. I'm a human that learned to live like a Hobbit. It's kind of nice really. Once you get used to it. The fact that nothing very dangerous or adventurous is going to happen anytime soon.
And what lovely pastries we can make ^_^ Laughs we can have. The gatherings with the neighbors. It's special in its' own Shire kind of way.
Day 0 complete.
Ah, Fellowship. I'm sorry. All those urges from yesterday were never truly destroyed; they only went into hiding for a short while. After I ate lunch at a restaurant, they caught me by suprise in a public restroom. Large meals have been a slight trigger for me before, but that wasn't even the case today; my meal was a normal size. Anywa, I looked at something pornographic which I had once been curious about and relapsed quickly. A couple hours after that I was still feeling aroused and I did MO again, without porn that time.
It's been a really long time since I've fallen twice in one day. Not bingeing after my streaks was the one thing I always did very consistently which made me feel like I had good hope for recovery. Even now, several hours later, I can feel my body asking for PMO a third time, like the floodgates have opened and I removed a lot of progress from myself with this double fall. All those powerful urges I vanquished yesterday were building up like water behind a dam and today the dam broke; everything came spilling out at once.
@LLOYYD Yes, there used to be ranks for Nazgul, Orc, and Uruk-Hai, and one became a Hobbit at Day 15. Those ranks were removed because it was thought to be rather discouraging to begin as an evil creature, and it didn't make sense for the journey to destroy the Ring to only start once you were already 15 days into the challenge.
@Anew2019 I didn't know you like to sing! That's a hobby of mine as well; I sing in my seminary's choir.
St. Catherine of Siena, pray for us!
A lot of temptation. It's getting tougher to keep going on, yet I must persist.
Feeling tired and lethargic lately. I think it's my diet. I keep eating these frozen pizza things and they aren't good for you. My foot is mildly injured, so I haven't been walking much lately either or working out. I keep taking baths for some reason and don't go out, just sit on the computer... I have gradually done a lot of house cleaning though, but I'm clearly not preforming that well.
Some of the suggestions that come up on Youtube tempt me. I must resist.
Unfortunately I just relapsed. I'm getting some really triggering youtube recommendations lately. Oh well, once in 38 days is pretty good. Now I gotta get back at it!
Could use some encouragement to not make this a binge.
Put the slip behind you, learn from what happened. One slip in 38 days is great going, and take the positives from that. You know the lie your addict is telling. You’ve slipped so you might as well binge. This is a lie your inner addict is telling you. Just smile back politely to your addict, tell him that he’s talking shit, that you are in control and your not going to binge as it will make you feel worse when it’s over. You can do it!!!
No doubt yesterday was hardest day. A lady from my past messages me out the blue. We’d hooked up a few times many years ago and continued to chat for a while, but not for over a year.
Anyway, she contacted me, was being very flirtatious, sent me pictures of new tattoos she had, asked me if I wanted to see any more or if I wanted to meet.
My heart was racing and my head pounding. I wasn’t rude to her and I asked how she was doing, but I kept it at that. old me would have got/sent pics and PMO, and then Probably gone on a binge looking for vids that looked like her.
This time I didn’t do anything and it stayed strong, but the fight took it out me. I was angry at everyone and everything. Even shouted at me dog!!!
what an idiot. Anyway I made it, I went to bed early and listened to a book. Had a good sleep and that helped. Managed to distract myself.
That may be true
I am still lost. I need to get back on my feet. It's hard to write after a fall, but I think that if had checked in yesterday, today it would have been easier. My plan first of all is to check in daily and think about my progress.
The fault of the recent fall is that I was tired and completely gave in to non productive resting. I should have made a plan and be prepared how will I rest.
Congrats! Not perfect, but who cares about perfect, it's only an ideal. You did great
15 days The Elven town of Rivendell greets your arrival. A Council of representants explains the path to Mordor in detail. You´re an Elf now.
Many resets lately. I pray that you guys may not give in to the chaser and quickly find the strength to stand up again and I pray that I may not slip as well. I'm heavily triggered and tomorrow I'm alone at home for several hours
Day 19 – Bree sends aid! Bill, a strong and kind pony, joins your quest by carrying rations and items.
Quest Aid – Bill, the pony
Pretty good overall including mood. I didn't get to hit the gym earlier so I have to wait until Sunday midnight over here where I live to go. This was an important for me for this journey. That is all I'm going to say.
From yesterday, I forgot to mention that I was looking for a movie scene from a movie that I was searching on Youtube by one of the movies from Tales From the Crypt. If you heard of it and there was a vampire movie associated with it after finding one of the scenes found from the movie I was looking for. It was one of videos recommended to me after I watched one of the scenes that I was looking for. I never heard of it and so I clicked on the video lo and behold I saw topless women vampires
See, I have no control over this. Any way, good thing I wasn't trigger as much but sometimes it can get to me.
No do not search for this movie!
All the best with your exams. Bye until next time little bro.
Oh I see, well I found at least two people with a Nazgul rank. And I was getting confused. Now it makes sense. To be honest, I don't mind if it was like that in the ranks because I did say on Day 2 on this current streak saying I didn't turn into a Nazgul lol. It makes sense to be a Nazgul because you fell into darkness controlled by the Dark Lord. Ah ok, it makes sense to start as a Hobbit in the beginning. I understand. Any way, you are one of the individuals on my last post here that I will advise later once my streak is up there. Keep strong and learn from your mistakes on your relapse as you go fellowship brother.
I never understood this but your situation feels as if you would turn to drugs or alcohol because of rejection. To me that is strange then again it is understandable but someone was about relapse because of rejection or failure from another challenge. And your not a loser. Keep going fellowship brother.
Also lastly, @Anew2019 says "It is futile to try and do this alone."
Again, well not many can do this alone. Unlike me I can. But for as reminder, others check in every day. I don't know what's in your head to those who say "I don't want to check in every day".
Just say Day "". You don't need to pour out many paragraphs to check in. What? Your too busy for your recovery to this PMO addiction?
Again it is highly recommended to check in every day. Other individuals are succeeding because of checking in every day. I probably will leave this alone if you won't listen. That's all.
Making my days count. Day by day.
My redemption is on it's way.
Hello Bill again aiding the Fellowship.
Keep on going Fellowship!
Day 16 no PMO. Still feeling good. College football today so should be a fun day. Good luck out there guys.
Check in day 12
Day 6 (or 0).
I MO'd today. However, I don't feel like relapsing. My primary goal is to abstain from P, which I did. I do however want to be strict with myself and consider this my last failure, before I reset my counter to zero.
I'd like to abstain from P forever, but I am not really sure what I have in mind for MO. I think I will challenge myself to withhold myself from MO for 30 days, and see how that impacts me.
Smash the all exams and obtain the high marks as you can. I wish you all the best. We hope your come back brother!
Rainy season has begun.. Amazing temperature
yeah , progressive overload
Checking in Fellowship Friends!
95 Days Free of PMO.
Slight disturbed sleep last night and a gloomy day outside today. The intention remains though, meditation, exposure, workout, reading and rest.
Enjoy your weekend!
95 days – After knowing the seduction of their leader to porn, the Istari nominate you as their Chief Wizard. You receive a new staff, fashioned from an upturned sapling with a blue crystal embedded in the crown. The staff possesses magical healing abilities. It will help you regain strength and fight for the next 85 days.
Quest Magic – Wizard´s Staff
@ARCEUS Take your time brother, but please do your best no to binge while you are away and build accountability through a trusted friend or family member.
@Percy_Jackson+ Welcome to the Fellowship!
@Talz @Gallade_Templar @CALM IN SUFFERING Brothers, I know it's difficult in the cycle of a relapse but remember the only thing that can make it even worse is giving in to binging. You become upset with yourself and try to numb it with more PMO, thus creating a vicious cycle. Use that frustration constructively. Analyze your relapse, replay the events that lead you there. Rekindle your why, cost/benefit analysis of PMO free vs using PMO. Have patience with yourself, be kind and do not give up. Redirect your energies, break the cycle.
@Repression Hey brother, sorry to hear about the relapse. Unfortunately in this challenge MO is a complete reset. You can keep a separate counter available to you for days free of porn, but in this challenge you would have to start off from day 0.
Yesterday I notice that I didn't continue some habits that help me with this, I used social networks and used to much time my phone. I stopped watching nofap related videos. So starting to do again these good habits.
The last 2 relapses that I had started to search scorts services and I started to talk about prices with the prostitues, but after that I start to watch porn instead. I'm afraid becouse if I continue with this behavior it's too problable that I will ask for the service, something that I have never done and I don't want to do it.
I'm starting to have procastination problems, I have my main work and I have some side proyects. The deadlines of the side proyects are starting to coming soon and I have to accept that I'm a litle late.
Looking the problems that this addiction bring to my life it's something that always help me.
I din't worked out today, I have to much work for today but I will take a cold shower at least.
Keep strong my brothers.