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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.
Day 32 no PMO. Today went fine.
Well done for pulling through your depression yesterday and getting to day 5! It is just your internal chemistry readjusting itself, nothing more, growing pains. Remember that the thing that says you need PMO is the very thing that is causing this hole inside you and the way out of this hole is to abstain, detox, reboot. The natural dopamine hits will return soon and clear the depression as sure as sun clears the mist
Check in day 28
16 days – Touched by your bravery, the gentle Elves of Rivendell give you an elven cloak. The cloak has a hood and is fastened by a green brooch. It acts as camouflage when PMO units are around.
Checking in Fellowship Friends!
111 Days Free of PMO.
Slight disturbed sleep, but nothing terrible. I had a very productive day yesterday and tackled the goal that I had set out for the day. Today, I am slightly apprehensive with the exposure I will be doing . I also know, that this must be done. I also have to begin preparing myself for next week, more on this another time , as I do not like to set expectation.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle
111 days – You reach the banks of the Morgulduin, the polluted river that crosses Minas Morgul. A cold steam issue from the river whose stench and vapours sickens you.
@Lone Skeleton Thank you ! You can and will, just keep at it, keep learning and keep trying no matter what. Determination is key.
@I will win!!! Welcome to the fellowship brother!
@Niklaus The lord of Owls Welcome back brother!
@Anew2019 I understand the control need, it really does create quite a bit of anxiety and stress. Planning and learning to flow, but controlling micro-strands of hair end up causing more harm. Great assessment, rise again!
@Kairose I assume you mean more of "pre-type " of emission brother. I won't have you reset , as the intention to PMO was not there and the view was for a short duration. As you said, be very cautious for the next little while. As someone who relapsed around the same time as you in the past, I highly recommend returning to some of your initial posts and rekindling what started you off on this journey. You may have fallen to complacency. I highly encourage you to keep to your exercise regime as well, as this helps a lot with the abundant sexual energy you have. Keep paving the path for us!
@icebreaker p Well done on not giving into the autopilot mode!
@PeaceOnEarth108 My brother, try your best. I understand, video games themselves may trigger a huge amount of dopamine and work on the same desire to want to PMO. It may numb your resolve to give up PMO. I know its a level of comfort, but I would suggest (if you see that it is out of control) removing it. At least for the time being.
@Paul S. I understand brother, remember that when you are not numbing yourself, you will be feeling the unwanted emotions. The important aspect here is to change the perspective of the emotions that arise and understand that they are not permanent. Also, change the perspective of the situations that trigger said emotions. For the situations that you cannot control, accept it and move on. Of course, all of this is not as easy as it is read. It requires practice, journaling. Commit to writing it down and breaking it down. You can do this!
@Alex_Al Congrats on the milestone brother! I remember seeing your name on the front page in the older challenge. Keep going and paving the path for us.
@kaerhal @SSS Vision @Slider8 I hope you brothers are okay and keeping well.
111 crazy palindrome
Brother, I think your friend isn't a good person. get rid of him brother. You have the great streak brother. Every brother in this challenge watch you as a hero. Be careful brother.
You don't need a reason to win , winning and getting better is the only thing ahead ,its just that sometimes we are overwhelmed by our doubts that we cannot get a grip over our life.
Also tell yourself that no matter how much ever pmo you do in your life , you would always want more and that's the most scary part of it.
And the last thing I tell myself is that its not a bad life its just a bad day when I get an urge as most of urges occur when I am under stress . I can make my days better if keep on doing what I am doing now that what me going.
Start with doing one single habit that is very difficult to do , for me it was to wake up early , this simple act makes me think that I am actually doing something.
Good Luck brother , I hope this helps you . I have been in the same position as you have been a lot of times , but don't fall into self pity that can be really harmful.
@Redemptionisrequired and @breaking-myths - thank You both for advice!
Day 9 checking in.
You did it!
You streak is going on (remember how you did it!)
Stay hard brother! (no pun intended)
Calm yourself, use your tools and repeat the victory route
Try to enjoy the challenge and the hardship. Give us a grim smile
2 days. Seam to be doing OK. Some temptations last night and this morning. With my discovery about me trying to control everything I noticed how I was trying to forcefully control my temptations. I stopped trying to be forcefully with them and it seams to work. It causes me more anxiety and the anxiety gives me temptations. Had a thought. It must be that I am not feeling satisfied when I am tempted. Perhaps I need to find other ways to make myself feel satisfied. Can external things fill it or do I need to look inwards?
I am thinking as I am writing this. It occurred to me. PMO really is an extention of my need to control everything. It's to control how I feel.
I am trying to control myself forcefully like my parents did. I must learn to be gentle. Forcefullness is so engrained in me. How do I change? This Catholic Mindfulness book maybe has the answer. I should get back on my Dr. Trish leigh lessons too. God, can you please teach me to not be so controlling of myself.
Is it still open?
Thanks for positive note.
I think I just suffered through. But the lesson could be that the day after sleepless night is not that tragic. Next time, when I am tempted that harshly, I will be more brave to experiment. Maybe I'll just go outside - for 2-3-4 hour walk. I hope I don't forget.
I agree. But be careful with that sleep deprivation ...
Anyway, I believe in you, that even without (much) sleep you will still do your duty and keep it clean.
What you want now is to rest peacefully (or as soon as it is possible). And wake up with a clean consciousness and an unbroken streak. Imagine how great you'll feel then!
You will sleep like a baby my friend!
And don't let your mind trick you. You know all its tricks. Also after awakening you need to take precaution.
See you ...
Had a fall. 0 days. It's ok. Learning so much about myself. I don't know how to put what I figured out in words but I will do my best. In my temptations are pushiness. It is to take control. I take control by PMOing. It was my way of feeling grounded in a house of utter chaos. It is still my way to ground myself. My whole life is about control. A lot of my decisions are in a way a way to control what people think about me. I have a control problem. What do I do? I don't know what to do. My way of dealing with things has always been forceful on myself. I don't know any other way. How do I deal if not being forceful? I don't know how. Just had a moment of trying to control. It was my dad I pictured. I need to do some praying and meditation about this. I feel lost. Where do I begin? I will pray.
I don't feel satisfied unless I feel powerful. PMO makes me feel powerful. I had a thought. I think it is true. With PMO I think I am trying to control my mom. She is a heartless tyrant who you can not challenge. There is hell to pay if you challenge her on anything. I feel totally powerless around her. She had total control through shame, fear and manipulation. So bloody sad man.
I remember this. This is quite sad. I think I still feel this way. This used to trouble me. The idea of my mom dying does not bother me one bit and I truthfully look forward to the day. There is nothing I like about her. She is a controlling manipulative woman. She would throw anyone under the bus in a second to save her own face. She thinks she is better than everybody. I struggle finding good qualities about her. She has no friends. No interesting hobbies. She is an automaton. I have never liked her one tiny little bit. I used to think I was bad. I don't think it is me that's bad. I don't like the taste of poison.
While I may not like her at all. I can still pray for her. That is what I will do. She has totally shut herself in. She needs prayers. They say that love is a decision. I can decide to pray for her even if I hate her and believe she does not deserve it. It is what God would want me to do. So I will do that.
This is next level stuff man. How do I deal with this? How do I get back what she took from me? I can't be forceful about it. I have spent my life feeling powerless and trying to feel powerful. This is a hell of a thing man!! Well. I guess I know what I need to start praying for. That is about all I can do. This is too big for little ANEW. Maybe I need to get professional help. I have the money for it. Maybe it is time to contact a psychologist to help me with this. I don't even know where to start. I am at rock bottom. This is good. I need to find new meaning in life besides trying to feel and appear powerful. This is the beginning of a long journey. God please be with me along the way.
The ring of power must be destroyed. J.R.R. Tolkien really was a genius.
I won't count days, I saw a article about this that we should not count days, I will just say "check in"
So, yesterday was not okay, I was low due to this post addiction damages, lied "Yes, I am fine" like 4 times to whoever I met and when they asked, I will fight, the war of spirit has been started.