transwoman/sissy addiction

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So here’s my whole story...
I remember when I was around the age of 10 or 11, I felt drawn to women’s clothes for some reason. I began to dress in my moms underwear and stuff most days when I was alone. I’m not sure why, but I was just drawn to it. I remember the first time I ever came was in a pair of panties. After that, I discovered porn. I started with straight porn, and quickly escalated to lesbian, femdom, then transwoman and sissy. I watched sissy porn for almost 2 years probably. I began to use the dildo I found in my parents room on myself. At some point, I felt so disgusted with myself, and the urges to wear my moms clothes stopped and I also stopped using the dildo. It’s been over a year since I stopped. I’m 17 now, but I’m still battling these thoughts. I know I’m not gay, but I do have a fetish with wearing women’s clothes. That fetish has been suppressed though as I have stopped wearing them. It’s been about 3 weeks since I stopped watching any type of porn. It feels pretty good to get away from it. I have masturbated in these past 3 weeks, but not while watching porn. The reason I’m here now is just because I have the fear that I won’t be able to get hard for a girl when I get in bed with her. I did go to a school dance with a girl a little while ago, and when she started grinding on me I started to get hard. But I’m not able to think about a girl and get hard. Sometimes that makes me feel down about myself. So, that brings me to now, I’m just looking for some advice from you guys that have experienced similar things. Thanks for listening.
 
Hey man. I know the feeling, I've been fighting the same fetish for a while. Mine hasn't quite crossed over into crossdressing in any meaningful way however.

For me, doing Nofap helps a lot. You need to understand that the sissy fetish isn't a natural one - it's fuelled by low self-esteem and confidence issues. That's why so much of the fetish revolves around becoming a sl*t and "pleasing real men". It sexualises your problems and turns them into a fetish, it's easier to deal with that way than it is to really improve yourself in a healthy way. For me, going to the gym, expanding my mind by reading and spending time with my family and friends really helped me get through this, that alongside NoFap also helps - the longer you stay away from PMO, the weaker those connections will be in your brain. I get that you've avoided porn, but you say you've still been masturbating and i'm willing to bet you've been fantasising about it when you MO. That's almost as bad as porn if you want to kick the habit, if you really want to deal with this you need to abstain completely from PMO for a while.

Porn can fuck with our sexuality in so many ways, especially if we're exposed to it when we are young, for me I was 8 when I first started watching porn. Escalation lead me to trap/sissy/transwoman porn and eventually I developed a sissy fetish, where I wanted to feminise myself and become a sl*t for "real men". It gave me severe HOCD a couple weeks ago too, which is why I joined this site. Luckily I have a very supportive girlfriend who also helped me through my problems and I feel like they are finally on the way out, if you wanna chat about this feel free to send me a message man :).
 
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Hey bro, read through your post. I wouldn't lie to you and say that there is no problem, but the good thing is that you've recognized the problem and at-least finding a way to deal with it. When you were small, let's just say you got a fucked up urge to do something, and you did it. That urge translated into more and more fucked up things and it was fed by porn. Lets say, it was a scratch and porn made it a wound. It is possible to fix yourself, and do not believe anybody who says "This is just the way you are, etc etc.". Anybody who tells you that, probably didn't try hard enough. Most of it (99.9999%) of what you've been doing was worsened by porn, and it can be fixed. Coming to the urge of wearing female clothes is because that's what youve been doing. I'll give you an example. I was cutting cardboard for a college project using a knife. Three days later, I saw cardboard somewhere on the street and my brain immediately thought about cutting it. Ofc, that doesn't mean I randomly go start cutting random cardboard right? The brain forms habit of what you've been doing. There is no problem as far as you don't act it out. And I understand, even the thought of it might be bothering you, right now, I just want you to be stronger than these thoughts, and tell them to fuck off.
 
Dude, i am in a similar position to you just over a longer period of time. The sissy thing for me is where I dominate not become a sl*t so working that out bends your mind for a heterosexual guy.
My head is literally craving to look at that stuff at the moment and it’s a daily battle to resist. I could spend all day PMO to that stuff only to feel like crap afterwards...I’m on day 45 without PMO and it’s a difficult patch at the moment. I’m finding you just have to persist and tough it out, it ain’t easy.
 
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phwrancesco said:
You've probably gone too far. Your case should be used as an example for other guys, to get them to stop this thing before is too late.
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I'm struggling to find a reason why you'd post this if not to be purposefully mean-spirited. This guy has came here because he has a problem with his fetish - a problem he can absolutely fix, there are people who have went further down this rabbit hole and came back. The last thing someone needs when struggling with issues like this is to be told that's it, give up, you're too far gone. If you've got nothing useful to post then kindly keep it to yourself, this is a place for recovery. What's wrong with you?
 
Penninesandcheviots said:
I'm struggling to find a reason why you'd post this if not to be purposefully mean-spirited. This guy has came here because he has a problem with his fetish - a problem he can absolutely fix, there are people who have went further down this rabbit hole and came back. The last thing someone needs when struggling with issues like this is to be told that's it, give up, you're too far gone. If you've got nothing useful to post then kindly keep it to yourself, this is a place for recovery. What's wrong with you?
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I'm happy to explain you why i did: is plenty of people on this forum who thinks that by writing a couple of posts, reading a self improvement book, complaining about themself and relapsing every 4 days they'll somehow come out of their personal rabbit hole and things will go well.

Truth is that it doesn't work like that. You got to put some real effort. There's your life on the plate, it's like a war. And like a war there victims, the fastest you realize it, the better is for you.
 
phwrancesco said:
I'm happy to explain you why i did: is plenty of people on this forum who thinks that by writing a couple of posts, reading a self improvement book, complaining about themself and relapsing every 4 days they'll somehow come out of their personal rabbit hole and things will go well.

Truth is that it doesn't work like that. You got to put some real effort. There's your life on the plate, it's like a war. And like a war there victims, the fastest you realize it, the better is for you.
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Yeah I agree, it does take real effort and it is hard to get out of this when you're so far in. It isn't easy, no-one here says that it is. However that is why we joined this site, for support in our struggle with ourselves. You straight up telling him "you're too far gone" isn't even giving him a chance, you're telling someone, anxious and in need that it's too late for him, go away and do what? Ruin himself even further? Like I said, if you've got nothing useful to say, then just don't say it. We're all here for recovery and we are all struggling, there is nothing to gain through doing shit like that.
 
phwrancesco said:
You've probably gone too far. Your case should be used as an example for other guys, to get them to stop this thing before is too late.
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There no lost case, everyone have a chance to change.
That's what I believe, otherwise I won't fighting PMO.
That's what everyone on this forum should believe, otherwise no one would ever try.
Pretend that there are lost case won't help anyone here.
 
Thanks guys for the encouragement, I fully believe that I can get passed this. I agree that it will be difficult, but I’m willing to put the effort in.
 
Give it time away from pmo and mo and I’m sure you’ll get turned on by more natural stimuli plus the shame from the sissy crap fades the longer you leave it. The shame feeds the addiction and keeps you stuck in a loop. Be kind to yourself, have a healthy self soothe list to use on a daily basis and when you get urges. Train, eat well, I avoid booze and drugs, take up interests that give you a sense of achievement and fun, post on here daily and get involved. Find an accountability partner. I found counselling helped me work through underline issues that I would try and escape from through addiction. I’ve been there and it’s hell. But through a lot of grit and hard work it’s really losing it’s appeal and doesn’t make sense to keep punishing myself. I’d find when I was cross with myself that was a massive trigger to punish me and escape the negative feeling. But addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. And why would I want to feel crapper?! But still I can’t let my guard down. Use it to push you in a direction of a better life. Never give up mate, hell is what you go through and heaven is what you make it and you deserve to happy.
Sorry if I sound preachy I just want to help
 
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Peaceful magic 21 said:
Give it time away from pmo and mo and I’m sure you’ll get turned on by more natural stimuli plus the shame from the sissy crap fades the longer you leave it. The shame feeds the addiction and keeps you stuck in a loop. Be kind to yourself, have a healthy self soothe list to use on a daily basis and when you get urges. Train, eat well, I avoid booze and drugs, take up interests that give you a sense of achievement and fun, post on here daily and get involved. Find an accountability partner. I found counselling helped me work through underline issues that I would try and escape from through addiction. I’ve been there and it’s hell. But through a lot of grit and hard work it’s really lost it’s appeal and doesn’t make sense to keep punishing myself. But I can’t let my guard down. Use it to push you in a direction of a better life. Never give up mate, hell is what you go through and heaven is what you make it and you deserve to happy.
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I need advice cause I feel bad. I was joking with my friend and looked up again pictures and somehow bikini pics of Asians showed up and my heart was racing and I got horny , but It was like something I couldn’t control (btw I’m on day 49 of hard mode nofap) I kept searching till I found a regular selfie pic of a Asian , what do you think about this ? I unintentionally didn’t try to get horny but the more I cruises through the pics the more horny I got trying not to have sexual thoughts , it make me feel if I have ruined my progress to reboot, and if I did so? How much? Answer ASAP
 
Strugglingon5thday said:
I need advice cause I feel bad. I was joking with my friend and looked up again pictures and somehow bikini pics of Asians showed up and my heart was racing and I got horny , but It was like something I couldn’t control (btw I’m on day 49 of hard mode nofap) I kept searching till I found a regular selfie pic of a Asian , what do you think about this ? I unintentionally didn’t try to get horny but the more I cruises through the pics the more horny I got trying not to have sexual thoughts , it make me feel if I have ruined my progress to reboot, and if I did so? How much? Answer ASAP
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I’ve private messaged you dude, hope you’re alright?
 
Dude647373 said:
Thanks guys for the encouragement, I fully believe that I can get passed this. I agree that it will be difficult, but I’m willing to put the effort in.
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Keep up the fight. You may want to seek a psychiatrist (that believes this isn’t OK- be carefull) or a group. Sounds like you’ve messed up your mind, we all have, yours us a little more extreme than most.
 
Dr.LoveLength said:
Dude im sorry but using your mums dildo isnt anything to do with addiction thats just straight messed up lmao... atleast buy your own one god damn man
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This is sound advice from a hygienic standpoint but keep in mind that the OP is young and when we are young, the first things that we start exploring sexually are what's already available in our environment (i.e. dad's porn stash, mother's or sister's underwear).
I remember finding similar items and curiosity prevailed over precaution.

Dude647373 said:
It’s serious shit that you wouldn’t understand unless you’ve been through it, so don’t act like you know what you’re talking about.
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@Dude647373 Good for you! It's good to see you stand up for yourself and stand up against ignorance.
I've done some pretty messed up sh*t in my addiction as well, including
using a "pocket pussy" after my friend had used it :rolleyes:

It's great that you have already taken a step back from these behaviours before they got worse and that you are asking for help and trying to get better.
 
Using your parent's dildo could potentially have given you STDs as well, I would recommend getting a checkup for such things. I am pretty sure Planned Parenthood will provide you with free confidential testing because you are a minor. Definitely look into a center near you.
 
I am addicted to transwoman and sissy porn too.Except it's the reverse for me.
The thought of fucking a submissive beta sissy cuck with boobs,feminine curve and dick turns me so much on.I often fantasize about beating the shit out of them and then fucking them violently and ruthlessly.at the present time,whenver i see any feminine looking beta male in real life,I feel a strong urge to physically dominate them by beating the shit out of them and forcefully feminizing them and at last fucking them hard(in a straight way).
But I dont feel any attraction toward masculine looking man or any masculine feautures of men,infact men disgust me so much I don't even make any effort to make male friends .I watched hardcore bdsm transwoman porn for a long time and it may have fucked with my head infinitely so now im trying to quit. (No PMO for 3 days)
 
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