Virtual/ Online sexual relationships can be addictive & damaging

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by abcdofindia, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

    2 years ago, a bunch of my girl-friends forced me to join online chatrooms to meet random guys.
    It started off as a random experience and soon turned into an obsession. What started as a once in a week activity turned into a daily need and then into a regular necessity.
    In the last 2 years I've ended up having virtual relationships or encounters with over 200 men. I am not proud of this.
    This has turned into a bad addiction and I find it very tough to keep myself from going back into those chatrooms.
    I wish there were some applications that could help me locking skype or one of those chatrooms from my laptop....
    Its been 27 days since I have relapsed and I am hoping for the best...

    More power to everyone here :)
  2. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

    Chat rooms were my main problem too, though supplemented with porn and cam sites. For me it started at about 16 when an older friend encouraged me to join a dating site (this was before everybody used dating apps and the site had dozens of chatrooms for different regions and countries, plus rooms for every sexual proclivity imaginable). Cant begin to count the hours ive wasted on chatrooms.

    27 days is great. Keep up the good work!!
    abcdofindia and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Tom I was addicted to MIRC. Basically led to problematic behavior. Long story
  4. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

    Whats MIRC? havent heard that before
  5. Was an old chat site in the 90s
    TryingMyBestinCanada likes this.
  6. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

    Same here. I can't imagine how much more I could have done with my life had I not spent those hours - daily - talking to those strangers for no good reason
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  7. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    First off, congrats on those 27 days. Having struggled mightily with chatrooms myself, I know this is not easy. In fact, I know it is hard as all heck - so yes, congratulations. I hope you are appropriately proud of yourself!

    In terms of ways to block Skype and chatrooms from your laptops, you may want to take a look at K9 Web Protection. This is a free internet filter that has a range of content blocks - including chatrooms in general - and an option for custom blocks that allow you to block things that may slip through the above. I use both types to keep myself out of the hell that chatrooms became for me.

    For what it's worth...
    fapstronaut64 and abcdofindia like this.
  8. The chat rooms sucked me in because they are both a place you can be totally honest and a complete liar at the same time. You can be anyone or anything in the chat room with the option to take it to a private app for whatever.
    Disclosing this behavior to my wife caused her unimaginable hurt and feellings of betrayal and abandonedment. I minimized it saying to myself that it wasn't physically cheating. That has been clarified by seeing how much pain it caused and the realization of how it was comprimizing everything I say is important to me. With God's strength, I will not be returning to those places.
  9. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    Wow - this captures much of my chatroom experience as well! And, as intoxicating as the mixture can be, it's ultimately poison for all involved. Thanks for the insight.
  10. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

    Wow! That's really helpful! I'll try it for sure :)
    Congrats to u too on the 12 days... wishing you more strength and will power.

    And might I add, I am actually happy to see that I'm not the only one who felt addicted to these online chatrooms... glad that we're all fighting against it together :)
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut


    I can understand exactly how you feel.
    I was in a relationship at the time. When my Boyfriend got to know about it he somehow felt as if he wasn't adequate for me... although that wasn't the case... he was all I needed... chatroom was just a place for me to be completely honest about what and how i felt.

    I'm glad that you're out of it. Hope to get there soon myself.
    RobbyGo36 and (deleted member) like this.
  12. fapstronaut64

    fapstronaut64 Fapstronaut

    This probably is the best advice. Honestly, you should go further and in general avoid letting yourself be alone with your laptop. Tools only do so much what you really need to do is heal that hunger.

    I'm getting the feeling that you haven't installed the blocks yet.
  13. Coolyorky

    Coolyorky Fapstronaut

  14. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    I imagine you are far from the only person who found themselves enslaved to these things. Sitting alone in one's room, tapping away at a computer, it's hard to be aware of this - but I'd guess there are a great many of us on this site alone.

    For me, chatrooms were really the point where this addiction entered the level of hell. It was certainly bad before, but once my chatroom habit formed, the time, energy and life I invested in those places became insane. Just thinking of it now makes me shiver - a whole bunch of addicts hanging out in anonymous space together. Yikes!

    The silver-lining is that whenever I want a little motivation to keep going with this work, I just think of how awful my life was when I was spending as many as ten hours a day in chats.

    Best of luck - we are not alone!
    eash860531, RobbyGo36 and abcdofindia like this.
  15. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

    I can relate to the damaging effect of online chats/dating. For me it was a step down from actual pmo addiction but still part of the sex/romance addiction nonetheless. It's still something very similar to porn or sexual fantasizing - stuff that is not real and will not be a part of your future life in a meaningful way. Just a distraction from your current unpleasant feelings.
    RobbyGo36 likes this.
  16. hijodelaluna18

    hijodelaluna18 Fapstronaut

    I met a girl online ina chat room that opened a new door to a spiral of nasty lust. She started to laugh at my PIED and that turned me on so much that I compulsively looked for girls in every chat room to do that forme and I couldnt get it up if it wasnt that way. and I found girls even worst than that first one. One of them was a 3 year relationship where she was only in love with my body,I was a piece of meat for her while I was addicted to her humilliating me for being aimpotent sissy BJ giver. It only ended cause she found a man that shes gonna marry soon.And Im glad that she stopped getting into skype cause it was toxic for the both of us.
    RobbyGo36 and abcdofindia like this.
  17. hijodelaluna18

    hijodelaluna18 Fapstronaut

    thts not true you gotta be honest..if you BF was all you needed you would not be in that online relationship. The reality is some of us need a scape from that perfect life we are suposed to live and everybody thinks we have. I was forced to be Mr right all my life and I truly needed that secret space to relax and not be judged just let go and feel pleasure witout stress expectations etc.Some people is not able to express himself freely with your Bf GF..maybe you dont want him to think you are too slutty etc a lot of things that ge tint he way of a relationship.
    Maybe you need to go to the root cause of why you needed that side relationship.Maybe its not sex related maybe its not your BF not being good enough is somethin else in your life or upbringing...
    the problem of that escape secret space is that in the case of PMO it can be very destructive in so many ways,and that we didnt that we know its time to be honest,fix whatever needs to be fixed in our life and stay away from PMO or MO all together
    RobbyGo36 and abcdofindia like this.
  18. Online sexting through whatsap and social media was a big thing for me. I’d have multiple people engaged at the same time as pmo’ing. This would last for hours keeping the dopamine up through edging. This combo was what completely messed me up, causing me to go into a downward spiral and the time I had no idea what was happening, long before I found this site, I was suicidal for a few months. I feel awful shame now, I can’t count how many liaisons I had, a lot for sure, all while I’ve been married....... I hope I never go through any hell like that again
  19. I agree. I started when a friend introduced me to an old chat engine called mIRC in 1996. I was immediately hooked and like you could manage multiple chats and roleplays at the same time. It was eventually my downfall (long story). I still engage in chat on kik and Skype, as early as last week. I can relate to everything you described. Hope I can become as strong as you someday. Thanks for sharing Buddy.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2018
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  20. Yep...
    I can NOT go through a hell like that again. This was partially discovered almost a month ago and I am in the process of writing a full disclosure letter to my wife. This is with both of us working with our individual CSAT counsellors and will be shared at an appt. with both counsellors present. Something I should have done when I started recovery 5 years ago and didn't, leaving shame and secrets to continue to trigger relapses and escalation in my acting out.
    Having the full reality of this in front of me where I can no longer minimize or pretend it isn't complete betrayal of our marriage has been very hard. The impact on my wife has been devastating and hurtful beyond what I am able to comprehend. She has said she isn't wanting to leave the marriage and is wanting to be able to trust me. I do not deserve such grace.
    I am hopeful we can begin again and after 30 years to have a chance to become the man she thought she married. We are not sleeping together and won't for quite a while I am sure. I am okay with this and understand the need for me to be abstinent in order to break the hold this addiction has had in my life. I am completely sober for the first time in my life and with God's strength and grace intend to stay that way.

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