He’s talking about counseling, or groups for betrayed women.. Some groups are great, some literally think all porn addicts are physically abusive and narcissists. I left a couple because my husband has never been that. My husband is my best friend, he fell in more of the “ neglect” your relationships category not the call your wife names and shove them around group.
As an answer to the question about disclosing if many years clean....yes, of course I expect that. I would expect a recovered alcoholic to tell me they are a recovered alcoholic before we get married or have kids or even move into long term exclusive dating. These are disclosures you make before you get attached, for this reason. But I have also always asked straight out whether the people I was considering dating were porn users or had ever used porn. I tell them it's a deal breaker for me, that they might not want to tell me, but that if they would not like to discuss it, that's fine, but to please end the relationship because it's important to me. I told my husband to his face that I understood I was narrowing my dating pool to almost nothing, but that it was that important to me and I was willing to not have a relationship in my life rather than get involved with someone again who watches porn or had ever done more than curiously look as young adults or dabble in their youth. That if he had any interest in porn, I was not interested in a relationship with him. So yes, I expect the disclosure, but I also flat out ask. I would also want to know if someone had had huge financial issues ten years prior. Anything major and life changing....you should know about each other before a lifelong commitment.
That's akin to not telling a partner that you had a financial spending addiction ten years ago. Yes, you might be past it, but it is something that in specific conditions can kick up again and totally ruin both of you. Or it would be like me not talking my husband about my cancer when we started dating. Yes, I am not currently in danger, but it can also come back at any moment and impact our family, our relationship, our finances, my ability to engage in everyday life upkeep, etc. I don't see how a former sex or porn addiction could possibly not come up in discussions about marriage. If you don't want to know and be known by that person, don't marry that person.
Omg yes. A friend of mine had a gambling addiction. She didn’t have a problem for decades then one year she did. She blew through the $200k in 6 months after they sold their house. Of course when her husband found out, he flipped out
No, it’s not. Because almost every healthy person on this planet is a sex addict, to varying degrees. It’s almost as stupid as asking someone what their pronouns are when it’s blatantly obvious. Ok, and do you think that someone without a history of addiction can’t suddenly kick one up either? Uh oh.. you’re about to find out the world isn’t safe. I’m amazed that you think this is a good analogy. Keep em comin, this is great entertainment. You know what, I think you’ve changed my mind. I’m definitely going to tell my future partners that I was addicted to weed for a couple years when I was 20. You never know when it might come back and ruin a marriage. Even though I’ve done a complete 180 and haven’t had as much as a sip of alcohol, a piece of chocolate, a French frie from McDonald’s, a piece of cheese, or even water from the tap in 5+ years. I’d better warn her just in case. I didn’t say anything about marriage. It should be discussed early on shouldn’t? Why would you want to begin any kind of relationship with an ex porn addict unknowingly? Hey sanctuary wife, tell me, how many healthy men do you think walk this planet who haven’t masturbated in the last month? Especially single men? Just give me a rough estimate. It will help me understand your position a lot better.
I mean, yeah. I've said repeatedly that being alone is preferable. I'd pick a woman or just a roommate over a relationship with someone who doesn't meet my minimum criteria. I have respectfully decided not to start relationships with people who I have communicated this boundary to because they have acted surprised or indicated they did not feel similarly. No one has to agree with this stance or hold this boundary. Some women are just not interested in dating men who pmo/have a major history of pmo. Some men aren't interested in dating women with a high body count. They're partner preferences and everyone should get to make informed decisions about it. I suppose one assumption I'm making is that if you start dating someone, the ultimate goal is marriage. You might have a different perspective on that, but I don't date without the intention being that we are determining if we are marriage-compatible. So I would not like to date if this incompatibility exists. Lots of people are sex addicts. I am not one and I don't want one. I'm not asking for any more than I'm offering and I did not want to settle for less.
I agree with this 100%. If I’m going to take a vow to commit myself for life to someone, and possibly have kids with them, then I want to know every thing about them and their past. I don’t care if they think it’s small or insignificant stuff, I’m the one making a commitment to them, so I have a right to know everything in order to be able to make an informed decision just like how they have the right to know everything about me. Sure it’s kind of intimidating having to own up to a laundry list of shitty habits and decision, but I can’t help but think of how awesome it would be to divulge all of that and still find someone who says “I do.”
Actually you are, and sad is that you are not even realizing it. You are not only offering that you are not sex addict, but you are offering also your trust issues, traumas of being hurt and other baggage that is not beneficial for forming new healthy relationship. The phrase "I'm not asking for any more than I'm offering" is just complete nonsense. Everybody is offering their good qualities as well as their baggage. You never ever going to find somebody who has exactly same good qualities and exactly same baggage as you are. If you dont think you have any baggage think again. In general the older people are, the more baggage they accumulate in life. But it is not true about good qualities that on the other hand tent to depreciate with time.
It really is wild in a forum where it's regularly discussed how porn hurts relationships, on a website about how much porn messes you up and how much better you are without it, with so many saying they wish they'd never started, how many people are getting offended that maybe there are people who don't want to date or marry someone who looks at porn or has had a porn addiction.
Actually, if every girl decided to not date or marry someone who looks at porn, boys would have to decide - porn or a relationship. That would be a much better world.
Umm, why in the world do you think she is a sex addict? You’re right, everyone has baggage. But not everyone is a sex addict. Not everyone is an addict. There is a very distinct difference living with someone who is an active addict and living with someone who isn’t. The contrast is stark.
My girls won’t. They know exactly what they are in for if they do. My older daughter has broken up with 3 men because of it. My youngest has decided to stay single. As sad as that makes me for them, id be more horrified to have them married to a porn addict.
Yeah, I wouldn’t marry or start a relationship with a drug addict,alcoholic or a smoker either. God forbid we have any standards. I mean, not wanting to marry and have children with an addict is setting the bar so high! Or asking for faithfulness and fidelity, my gosh what sort of craziness is this?
On the upside, I talked with my son about the dangers of porn from 9 years old. He is very aware of how damaging it is and avoids it like the plague. Of course it helps that our computer and phones all have accountability software too. lol
