Dealing with partners porn addiction

Yeah, I'm sure you know more than he does, and unlike anyone else, you know what's credible as opposed to a "gimmick."

You have no idea what I understand, and I never mentioned anything about any addiction besides that of P/S. Regardless of how much more you think you know than anyone else, I can tell you that I understand more about P/S addiction than any other addiction, and I've been learning about it longer than you've been alive (if your profile age is correct). I never compared any two addictions so it doesn't matter how many times you say that. It's irrelevant to anything I said.

She wasn't minimizing anyone's achievements by pointing out that it is very challenging to get in recovery and that it takes much longer than many realize. He is the one who first tried to discredit all that she said with his comments about her being bitter and exaggerating numbers and making it seem like it was wrong for her to share her experiences. So, yeah, I read the discussion.

Every person on here has the same right to share their experiences and opinions, and just because it doesn't sound great doesn't mean it's any less valid or appropriate. You don't have to agree with anything said by anyone, but you also don't need to invalidate everything someone says just because you disagree. If you think what someone says is actually incorrect and not just wrong for the sake of creating an argument, it's perfectly acceptable to provide information supporting your own claims. But, when someone else presents information, you refuse to even consider it for a moment because you don't need anything more than your "personal experience" to be right. How is your personal experience more valid than anyone else's, especially when, according to you, your addiction "isn't that bad" and you're "young" with no current or potential future issues with PIED?

Yeah, I realize that, but I'm not sure what point you're trying to make with this because I didn't say every expert that says anything is always right. I also realize that there are some experts who do know what they're talking about, and they're not all wrong just because you don't agree with them, especially when their information is based on much more than just the personal experiences of one young person. Obviously, you can't believe someone just because they 'claim' to be an expert, but you also can't automatically discredit them all when there are those whose CSAT expertise is easily verifiable. Of those CSAT's who can be verified, I don't think there are too many (if any) who are out there suggesting that P/S addicts who want recovery go on their "merry way PMO'ing as much as they'd like."

Just because you like to believe everyone else is wrong doesn't mean there are no credible beliefs or systems out there except yours. I'm not vaccinated either, but again, what's your point here? @Psalm27:1my light made statements about PA recovery that she believes are true. You decided she was wrong because she didn't reference sex addiction specifically. I offered more specific information supporting what she'd said, and you refused to even accept the possibility that any of it could be true. Then, just as you had done to her, you continued to dispute that anything I said could be accurate regardless of where the information came, and you gave nothing to support your claims except personal experience...all while bringing in irrelevant statements about unrelated matters. So, what are you trying to accomplish with all of this, and do you feel you're succeeding?

 

There's a difference between someone who's just looked at P and someone who's addicted to it. A person who has been a casual user of P in the past but is not addicted to it won't bring the same issues into a relationship that an addict would, and if their using it causes problems, they won't have difficulty staying away from it if their relationship is important enough to them.

How is it that you know a single thing about the sex drive of any SO on here other than what they've said themselves (which you misinterpret or twist into something completely different)? The only part you got right is that many do have emotional pain due to their partner's P addiction. Other than that, the only thing that's clear is that you like to spend your time on here telling SO's how wrong they are or how little they know about their own experiences while giving out all these ridiculous diagnoses about their supposed sexual maladies. You invite anyone to "prove you wrong," but no matter what anyone says, you come back with a plethora of 'reasons' why nothing anyone ever says is true...except whatever you say, of course.

There are plenty of people who've never been addicts. Just because someone drinks coffee does not automatically mean they're addicted to it...just like enjoying sex with your spouse everyday doesn't mean you're a sex addict. The frequency of which someone does something is not the sole determining factor for whether something is an addiction or not.

A lack of self-awareness is a common problem for addicts which is why improving it is such an important part of addiction recovery. Projection is another area where addicts commonly struggle. Hopefully you'll work on both of these things as you get further into recovery, and you'll no longer feel the need to unfairly bring everyone else down to make yourself feel better. Most SO's don't use P...they choose their spouse/partner for their sexual satisfaction. If you think that puts them on a higher moral ground than someone who chooses everything outside their marriage, perhaps you're right, but I dont think that's the reason why SO's don't choose P.

I don't think anyone is forgetting why anyone is here, single or not. And, when she had "the nerve" to put her husband, a P addict, in the same(ness) group as other P addicts, that didn't belittle anyone nor did it affect anything she's ever accomplished. You seem to be stuck on trying to drag every SO down and turn everything they say into a matter of debate, and that doesn't help anyone learn "how to behave more humbly when conversing with men on here." Also, it's probably unfair for you to group "men" together on here since it's obvious that some of them know how to have productive, respectful conversations and others clearly don't.

I don't think hilarious is probably the proper term, but it's apparent that your understanding of what an addiction is differs greatly from the most common understanding of it. I know you don't care what anyone else's definition of addiction is because yours is all that matters, but where you "draw the line" has nothing to do with numbers and, instead, has to do with one's dependence on it. So, again, you can have sex with your spouse everyday and not be a sex addict. You can also actually be a sex addict even if you only have sex once a week. According to your "logic" of doing something everyday = addiction, then I guess that means everyone is addicted to everything in their daily routine? Addicted to doing dishes, going to work, doing homework, getting dressed, watching TV, etc.? No. That is hilarious.

If everyone here (except the SO's) were so self-aware, had a vast understanding of addiction, and were so honest with themselves, they wouldn't be here. Those are the things that most addicts struggle with that keep them stuck in their addiction. If you know more about everything than all the experts, why do you struggle? Why are you here if you have it all figured out and know more than anyone else?

For once? @onceaking has contributed a significant amount all over NoFap and actually was contributing to this conversation by making a good point.

I have not said nearly enough on this thread for you to know what I understand or what I think about anything. I simply gave you an example which supports the belief that 5 years = long-term recovery. I have seen some sources that say 10 years, but I won't bother citing them since, according to you, I can't "throw the expert card at you." Also, I didn't claim anything myself, and I thought you would know what long-term recovery is since you know everything. According to GoodTherapy, a person is considered in long-term recovery when they have stopped or moderated their addictive behaviors and improved quality of life for at least 5 years.

If that's your criteria for having a valid opinion, what happens when another man with an addiction has a different perspective than yours? Is he just as clueless and wrong as all the experts who don't know as much as you about everything? A 57-year old man with an addiction, for instance...he has 30 more years of experience than you so is nothing he says legit simply because he doesn't agree with you?

Once again, you say that SO's can't possibly know anything no matter how much we learn about it, and again that's not true. Additionally, I didn't see anything claiming to know "what it's like actually like" other than from the SO's side. Now you're just making up things for SO's to be wrong about?

You don't need to humble anyone, nor do you need to throw around insults and continuously degrade anyone who doesn't agree with you. That isn't helpful. And, just because you don't like the truth doesn't mean it shouldn't be said. She isn't calling every man on here helpless or anything else. She is, however, sharing her own experiences and knowledge, and just because it isn't sugar-coated like you want, you have to try to invalidate it. As for making broad, unfair, sweeping generalizations about a particular group of people, you have done that several times yourself. It is possible to respectfully disagree without going berserk and attacking someone. You should try it.

No one admitted to being a sex addict. She told you how often she'd like to have sex with her husband, and you are the one who twisted it and made it into something else.

I think a man that intrinsically values his SO is going to be a better partner than one whose focus is all on his sexual energy.