My depression and anxiety quadrupled since NoFap

Hi fenix rising, Im glad to hear you have greatly improved. You are amazing ! Why do you think it took you so much time to get rid of anxiety and depression? Perhaps had you completely got rid of pmo it wouldnt have taken that long?

 

@Fenix Rising was last seen in May... Been wondering - maybe just lurking a little without logging in but just want to say thinking about ya and appreciate the contributions over the years.

 

Depression is rarely caused mainly by emotional trigger alone, your healthy system is too strong, depression is when your body dont make(gut 95% serotonine is made there) or transport neurotransmitters to your brain.
Stress, leaky gut, infections that make impossible to heal gut (candida, sibo, bacterial infections), thyroid conditions, poor circulation, blood sugar imbalances, brain inflammation, nutrient deficiences.

Depression is when these factors above dont work well. if more of this occurs, then deeper depression is. If someone have depression that last more than 2 weeks after emotional trigger then you have predisposition for depression caused by weakened system. Nofap is i think good way to help myself but alone to beat severe depression i think its not enough. But nofap can give you power to resolve more and more factors that causes depression and make you very strong person.

I learned these things from that doctor he is most powerful doc i know.


Nofap
After only 9 days off nofap i see dopamine surge that is so so nice to have. Everything feels better life feels better. I laugh all the time, everything is funny

 

Hey Fenix Rising,
First of all, thank you for sharing your story, your struggles and gradual triumph over the anxieties and hardships associated with PMO recovery. I found your post after a google search for “anxiety from nofap” and found it so relatable and inspiring that I decided to create my own account and join the ranks on here.

Now here is my story...
I am 28 years old, single, and living on my own. I was first exposed to IP at the age of 13 when some classmates and I got together at a house with a computer (this was long before smartphones were so accessible and home computers still a luxury). The images I witnessed were exciting, dangerous, and left me feeling empowered. How foolish, but how could I have known better?
This new interest quickly developed into a hobby, since I had my own computer at home (previously reserved for adventure and RPG video games...) and I began to seek out any IP I could find. Started with Newgrounds point and click strip games, then various blogs and file sharing sites, then Limewire and Bearshare for downloading full-sized videos. I hoarded my favorite ones like they were a prized collection and kept them in a hidden folder so my parents wouldn’t find it on the computer. Throughout high school and college I had girlfriends but they became increasingly fewer and farther in between. With each break up I basically went on an IP binge for 2-3 months thinking it was an acceptable way to cope with the pain and heal my wounds...
At around 18 I became obsessed with weight lifting. Strictly 7 days a week at the gym, along with massive over eating to bulk up in weight and size. I went from 145 and fit to 187 and bulky. Normal clothes didn’t fit. All of my friends began referring to me as “beast” and “freak”. Little did they know that I was overtraining at an unhealthy level to achieve these results and suffering inside, still completely dependent on IP to stay afloat and feeling deeply depressed whenever the gym or laptop was out of reach for too long. I was consuming IP at least once a day by then, and this eat-train-PMO-sleep cycle went on for the next 5-6 years straight. The whole time girlfriend-less and aside from a few random sexual encounters drier than a sand-lizard’s butt crack.
It only came to a halt when I met a girl named CJ at 24yo. We fell in love, had lots of healthy sex, and porn started to lose its allure to me. I still depended on it whenever I couldn’t see my gf for more than a few days. We even had sex while watching porn on one occasion, at her suggestion, and the experience was a strange blend of invigorating and shallow. A little over 2 years after we had met, CJ and I had a rough break up. On and off for some time. I struggled a LOT to cope with losing her. But this time when it came to coping I questioned myself for the first time in my life. I asked myself: “is IP really the answer?”
So I began researching into nofap, listening to minds like Jordan Peterson speak of the perils that lie ahead with IP and to be extremely cautious of its lofty temptations. I’ve never been a religious type of person, so the idea of abstaining from PMO was sort of comical at first - “I’m not a damn Mormon or something!” - but as I continued my research and read through academic journals and studies focused on IP I could not escape that question... “is PMO good for me?”
One year after my break up, I was doing better. Not by a lot, but I had started to actively avoid IP for the first time ever. I was still consuming it but only when the craving got really bad, so I would go 3-4 weeks before relapsing. I usually made it until insomnia or major anxiety kicked in, then “fell off the wagon” with one or two sessions. I kept this up for about 3 months.
Then Covid came. I got sick... really sick for the first time in my life. I was home with pneumonia for weeks. I became bored and restless. I went back to my old habits. IP lured me back in yet again.
After recovering from my ailment I was completely disgusted with myself for relapsing so badly. So much so that I swore to myself: “THIS TIME, I’M QUITTING... SERIOUSLY!”
To replace the temptation, I began talking to women on a dating app. I even started to “see” someone briefly, but was terrified of doing anything sexual with her so it ended quickly. I had struggled to perform in a previous relationship after avoiding IP and feared this issue would resurface. So rather than confront it, I ran away.
This left me feeling utterly ashamed and defeated. What kind of a man was I? Feeling like I was at an all time low, I picked up smoking cigarettes as a new habit - something that previously left me feeling downright nauseous! Also began online shopping at a very compulsive rate - sometimes up to four or five hours a day. Spending my hard earned money on useless crap and overpriced tobacco just to get a quick dopamine fix... aware of what I was doing but helpless to stop it. Like a recovering addict, I needed a fix. And when I couldn’t have the fix I wanted, I grabbed at whatever else I could. The smokes and impulse buys weren’t really cutting it though, and at one point I contemplated paying for sex. Seriously - that actually seemed like a good idea! The impulse passed and I was left feeling utterly confused... what was I becoming?
But I reminded myself that this was a weakness brought on by years of compulsive IP and it was something I could fix. No, had to fix. I just had to be strong and get through the muck. Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, right?

And that brings us to the present day. It’s the first day of December and the last month of 2020. What a hell-hole of a year it’s been. But I am proud to say that I’m now 27 days without a relapse. I’ve quit smoking. Impulse shopping is under much better control now. I have a female friend and things are looking promising with her. I can actually see a future with her. A future free of IP. I’m weight lifting very regularly again, but not so compulsively. Just 3-4 times per week. And... I’m sorry to report that I am feeling exactly the same way Fenix Rising and so many others are during their abstinence. As my brain heals from so many years of damage, I feel incredibly anxious at times. I struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep at night, not every day but enough that it leaves me feeling tired most of the time. My dreams are sometimes haunted by images of old IP videos and I wake up feeling slightly relieved (when it’s a wet dream) but also shameful... these images are engraved in my memory and I’m ashamed of that. I am still afraid of real sex because I worry that I won’t be able to perform. I catch myself struggling to breath sometimes and have to close my eyes, remind myself that everything is okay, and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I came here searching for validation for these feelings I’m having, and while I have found it I still feel dreadful. I know it’s going to be a long and difficult journey - more like a battle, really. I’m hopeful but also scared.

Thank you to everyone here for their support and strength. Please reach out if anyone needs to - I will be here and am not going anywhere. I’m in this for the long haul now.

 

@viking_stone Hey man thank you for sharing your story. It is great that you are facing this issue now - you have a long life ahead of you. I wasted 30 years with PMO and only in the last 5 months been able to really start to deal with my addiction.

@Fenix Rising - Your story in inspirational. Thanks for the hope.