35 and older accountability, Group 2

you got this brother, you're stronger than you know. stick in there, i believe in you

 

dude- 82 days in !

 

Checking in. Relapsed last night. Why? I broke my cardinal rule of no phone access in the bathroom. I was bored, and frustrated with my over regimentation (self limiting behavior)..I should have dialed it back and allowed myself to have fun..without PMO. I will learn from this, and recover. And I will get back on track despite the failure.

 

Thank you for the encouragement and belief. It's always good to read your posts, couldn't do this without you and the community.

 

The last two days have been a little better. I'm finding that in periods like this it takes constant, 100% effort. If I cave even a little bit, like considering looking at FB, social media in general, any triggering images, memories - just entertaining the notion that this is option for me - is the first domino to fall leading to what will surely end up with P sooner or later (usually sooner).

 

73 !! huhuuu

 

Start of day 3 here. Fighting urges-saw some women at work that triggered me. Kept thinking what gift can I give to my future self-and that would be a clear mind. Better to undergo pain now then pain of regret later.

 

Been hanging on the last week. Had great Thanksgiving with family, then got food poisoning or stomach flu and I’ve been knocked out since then. Today is my first day back to normal.

Sober and glad to be back here with you guys. One nice thing about being sick is it forces you to slow down and give your body full rest. It strips away everything else that’s not important. And then my wife was sick and I got to take care of her and show her that she is loved.

 

Today I slipped. Work was wrapping up. I was bored. I gave myself permission to look at psub and then triedanother thing and a new website wasn’t blocked. Im not feeling a lot right now. I took immediate action after it’s over to limit this and block the sites. I thought about a binge, but knew after the factthis isn’t something Ican do going forward.

 

I slipped up

 

So sorry brother. What are you doing to make the next slip less likely to happen?

For me, I changed my blockers. One of my blockers was limiting the functionality of another blocker, so I am on a test period right now with 1 blocker. I have committed to my wife to check in on how the 1 superior blocker works by itself. I do believe this will be a better solution.

I am going to integrate more Patrick Carnes work back into my weekly routine. I read Buddhist tests, NoFap and meditate. But I have always found Carnes work helps me stay connected in my “why?” & “what the damage of acting out is.”

 

failed last night. Resetting my counter.

why? I didn’t properly recharge/rest myself over the past two days of intense work, worked from 6 am to 6:30 pm yesterday, and on top of that been seriously worried about my mom who I took to the doctor yesterday for high blood pressure and my father who I believe is having symptoms of heart failure-can’t walk and severe leg swelling. Finally talked him into letting me take him to the doctor today, and so I called out of work. I’m running on 3 hours of sleep and on top of everything going on and hoping I don’t lose my dad I’m hating myself for breaking my streak and breaking my cardinal rules of no phone access in bed/bathroom/upstairs alone.

I must get out of this tailspin. Seems like it’s all getting to me today

 

Sorry to read about a few relapses in the last few days. not sure if there's something in the air atm, my mood has been very, very low for a few days now, exactly the kind of mood i'd have self-soothed against with pmo in the past. am grateful that my body/brain's rebooted themselves and i don't feel the need to self sooth anymore, though sitting in the black is not pleasent at all and i am hopeful it will not last long.

 

Relapsed as well. It's been building up over the past two weeks, ongoing financial and other stresses at work, no idea where my wife is at with our marriage. And I've been a PMO addict for 50 years. Had a disagreement with my wife two days ago that pushed me over the edge. I felt completely despondent and hopeless in a way that I haven't felt before. PMO for hours that night and all morning yesterday.

Feel stronger today. There's no way I'm giving up. Going to reflect on everything that led up to this and plan accordingly, starting with getting a better blocker. I'm using Qustodio, but it's got problems. Any suggestions on a better one?

Wishing all my NoFap brothers peace and strength, we'll get through this together.

 

Sorry to hear about your parents health issues, they're lucky to have you and your support. Although there will always be obstacles on the path, we'll reach our goals as long as we keep moving forward and focusing on the destination.

 

A quick check in here...

November wasn't the best month for me with PMO but it could have been worse...

I'm thankful for today the first of December. We have a new opportunity for a month of 100% no PMO.

 

@flyswat thank you so much, really appreciate your kind words. And I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m not done with this fight-I’m going to keep fighting.

 

Hey guys, broke my water fast today... total of 18days .. lost about 10kg ...but most important is I feel very light and fresh all of the time. During all this time PMO was never an issue..most of my bodily activities were also at rest I suppose. Finally such a freedom with nofap. I don't have to be ashamed when my wife catches me watching or when she accidentally sees my saved history, or when she senses I have PMOed etc... She knows that I am on this journey. Although on the surface she look unimpressed, I know deep down she is very happy.

 

Guys, I read a lot of replaces.. Is there anything I(we) could help you guys with ? Just wanted you guys to know.. freedom from nofap has been so pleasant(or pleasurable) ! This is the best thing I could gift myself or to others

 

Thanks brother.