35 Days in no porn, 58 no masturbation. I'm ashamed to say I've been doing this challenge for years but still have not succeeded in reaching 90. I've come so close but it's hard to break a habit you've been doing for so long. Sometimes I take a peek at porn thinking it will be fine but I know it continues the wiring in my brain. I am doing this challenge to try to cure my ED and I know this is the right path. Every time I reset there is a pattern. I have a wet dream around day 20, I have dreams about porn, then a period of no libido. Now I am reaching the phase where my sex drive is kicking in again and I'm getting some morning wood again. When you have had ED as long as me you start to forget what you're missing. But once you stay away from porn long enough reality starts to hit again. I'm feeling good and proud of my progress and will do what it takes to make this year different. I'm only 25, I've still got a lifetime of sex waiting for me
Day 8 /90 1 week completed Reading your messages makes me feel that i am not alone Urges are increasing but i dont want to break this streak This time i will reach day 90 Thanks for your support
3 days no PMO 4 days less sugar. 9 days no alcohol. 1 14 day streak. 47 days no Facebook. Prayed my chaplet. I am loved and acceptable. I do not need to do extraordinary things to get attention from myfamily. There is nothing I can do to get their attention. It is futile. The attention I get from women in porn is not real. I can get attention from God, Mary, my guardian angel, my favourite saints, my friends. I never felt seen in my house growing up. I was a burden. No one ever told me that, but I got the hint. Seams I was looking for a mother in porn. I could pretend these women saw me and cared for me. That they believed in me. I did not sense that anyone believed in me growing up. I don't remember ever being patted on the shoulder. I don't ever remember being encouraged. I don't remember being helped with anything. I was on my own and just got in serious trouble when I did not do a good job. The only tenderness I experienced was in porn. Reading the book called "The Emotionally Absent Mother" by Jasmin Lee Cori. Reading through the messages one should receive from their mother gives me very similar feelings to what porn gives me. "I am glad that you are here", "I see you", *you can rest in me" just to name a few from this book. I never connected with my mother. She was too far gone. Still is. I went through a major surgery 9 years ago and I was trying to get some consolation from her. I did not even get a bit. No tenderness. No empathy. I never sensed anything at all from her. Just distance. She is so far away. She rejected me. Porn did not. It was always there for me. It was a fake friend. Perhaps I should be grateful. Maybe it kept me from killing myself. The only consolation I had. No one cared. It is time to move on now. I am connecting with real people now. I don't need porn anymore. Its time to say goodbye.
Day 5/90. Feeling a bit restless about the whole thing. Instead of channeling this energy into something positive, I'm procrastinating like hell and feeling anxious..
