Hi chiyu, I feel you. I had these situations at night and in the morning a lot. What helped me most in those situations was the self-talk technique. Remember, that a relapse is only as much of a growth opportunity as you make it. I might suggest to journal about this, and make sure to identify why you relapsed. Circumstances, Emotions and how you acted on the emotions. Do this and you will see that each time it is less likely, that you will repeat the same mistake again. In case you relapse again, repeat the process. Whatever you put energy into, grows and becomes stronger. So if you repeat this journaling process each time, your mind will grow stronger and your feelings as a result as well. That also means that journaling properly after a relapse is a rewiring process. Yes, that's right, you can make actual progress even after a relapse. Journaling is not only good for people with addictions but for people in general. It can be a life changer. There is a saying by Einstein: "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Keep going strong!
Congrats on the 14 days! I want to say that sexual dreams are a normal thing to happen, as our brain is processing the PMO. However there are a few things that I did to not let sexual dreams become WD's. One thing that helped me with WD's was when preparing myself for sleep, trying to avoid sexual thoughts as much as possible. However when they persist compulsively, just let them happen but don't focus on them. You can also try self-talk. When done right, they will fade instantly most of the times. If they don't fade right away, they will fade at some point. Have something else to think about. The WD's usually start with our thoughts and visualizations before going to sleep. Also be sure to feel confident and fearless and they are less likely to happen. The confidence and fearless thing was the biggest one for me. I had them in my initial attempts of abstinence when reaching around 10-14 days. However later on, I had another 30 day streak (That's already when I learned a lot more stuff) and I didn't have WD's, only very few sexual dreams. And the dreams were quite interesting, because when I understood the message, my brain was actually trying to tell me what is wrong with PMO. Keep going strong!
Hi there, I loved the insight into your life situation, it really makes me feel joy to see people succeed. And it is like you said. Even when we feel confident, we heal, see the benefits and reap the rewards from our efforts, we have to stay attentive to our recovery, at least until we cease to feel compulsions in times of hardship. And PMO becomes a choice rather than a compulsion. Because there is an actual science behind the time that it takes for us to recover and for the compulsions to settle down. It's different for each person, however 90 days among the recovery communities is said to be a bare minimum and the time it takes to build primary neural pathways. Keep going strong!
The first day takes ages! Why did I relapse last night? I actually started of with no porn and no masturbation, but then changed to hard mode until I would have normal sex again. Three days ago, I talked with my wife about the challenge and confronted her about the fact, that we didn't have sex. She said, I push her too much and if I want to ejaculate, I could do it myself... Then, during work time. I looked at some of her pictures and my heart started beating like hell! Yesterday at work I took it further and read an article about brothels with some half-nude pics (I have safe-mode on on my browser) and my heart beat again. So, I went to work in the evening with no intention to work but to test out how far I could go, sat down at my desk, turned safe mode off and the MISERY GOT STARTED. I didn't care and after 5 hours of ... and looking at all my favourite stuff I went home as a complete wreck. Don't try to test yourself! Stay clean! Stay social! I want to be back
This is great advice, friend. I never thought about doing that type of work in a more formal written style post-relapse. I have used such methods to help with anxiety issues and it's been very useful so I would expect it to help in this situation as well. I have noticed that there is a pattern which usually has to do with when my mood & outlook on life has soured, and especially if combined with having a few drinks that puts me in a state more likely to act out in a negative way. Thanks much for your suggestion, I will start using it now!
Yes my 'danger zone' is when I'm feeling that "What does it matter" kind of attitude, like after a series of setbacks in other areas of my life. It's hard to do, but even in these moments when we're feeling down we must keep perspective, and know that escaping out into PMO is only going to make us feel worse in the longer-term, and so we should choose a more positive way of coping. That can be anything from meditation, to doing something creative, to taking a walk, etc. We can use this opportunity to learn from our mistakes, and overcome this challenge next time we meet it.
Day 13. It has been going great so far. I noticed that I feel like doing things a little more. Creative things. However I am on vacation right now and I haven't been doing anything outside the house, besides chores. So that might be a problem for the future days. The gym I signed up for is in construction until beginning of March. The problem is I am still a sick with sore throat (actually still pretty much inflamed) and doing higher intensity exercise is not a good idea until I am better. What I do: Play the guitar, programm a videogame, watch netflix, take walks and do chores whenever needed. So, to do something close to exercise and relaxation, I can try and do like full body stretches regularly and meditation. I also don't go out with friends, to be quite honest, that might be a problem too. I lost pretty much all relationships due to my addiction and regaining them is harder than making new ones. (Well that's one of the biggest problems with this addiction anyways) Currently it is not easy, because I know how to make friends, I did it once. I had to move around a little, however I need a smartphone to navigate otherwise it's probably not gonna work well. And my smartphone is broken and I have to wait to buy a new one, because currently I have to keep my saved up money, until I know that I am financially stable. Probably when I start working at the new job. A month from now. One thing at a time. I think I can handle a few more days inside the house. I have been able to sleep more or less. Sometimes less, somtimes more. And the tinnitus is still present but weaker, I think. It most likely is connected with my sore throat and the pressure it makes in my ears. (says the doctor as well, so I'm not worried that much, this is going to go away) Very well, I think I wrote enough for today. This pretty much sums it up. Will catch up with you tomorrow with 14 days. 2 weeks. God bless you all. Let's keep it up!
Day 15! Starting to feel a bit less anxiety throughout the day which is nice, it's crazy how it just becomes normal to live with underlying anxiety.
Thanks for the advice mate! I've always just thought of it as a totally subconscious thing that happens
