Day 2 Complete Thanks everyone, reading your posts here gives me inspiration and hope. @On_The_Way Buddy your posts are amazing. They lead me to introspect and I could relate to you in many of your observations. Keep going friend. You are doing great work.
Day 1 Hey everyone, I had to reset my counter, in this thread is the full explanation. But of course I'm still going strong with my journey, this is an opportunity to improve, grow and have a fresh start in my streak! My motivation is still high, and since it was painful to reset my counter, I will make sure not to allow the behaviors that lead to it happen again. I'm so fed up with these bad habits, I'm going to remove them all from my life once for all, because it's not over until I win. So for today I felt a little lethargic, maybe it's because I released - or maybe it's just placebo for losing my semen retention streak. Anyways, I'm going all in and today it was another good day, constantly reminding myself that "I am enough" already, but that there's always room for improvement in my life. Have been trying to live in the present moment and it's been going great... nothing will stop me, stay strong and we got this bros!
P: 42 days M: 68 days O: 68 days * 5 PMO but no relapse * 1 MO but no relapse * Averaging 11.33 days on PMO nofap * 8 days straight nofap
11 days I think, taking it day by day. Starting to feel the benefits again especially eye contact etc. Every day is a fight I must win.
133 days no p! last night I was close to relapsing, but didn't do it. I felt like sharing that and not keep it a secret hoping that it makes it easier next time to not be in the same position again I have a question for anyone that wants to answer it, how do you deal with the uncertainty of not knowing when you might relapse and the anxiety that comes with it? For me it is a worry that is always present and it's a bit hard to ignore. I try to convince myself that I will never relapse, but at some point the more realist side of me kicks in thinking "it can happen anytime and there is nothing that you can do about it" as if it is destined to happen
Day 18 I'm too much focused on storytelling and social interaction. Most of the time I got real awkward while talking to strangers. Like every other skill i have to devlop this skill also.
Hi everyone, I'm willing to take this challenge again after a period of ups and downs. I'm currently at day 10 of no PMO. My objective it's to beat my previous record of 111 days. I'll be focusing on no PM primarily, and leave space to real sex. Together we are stronger!
I'm not really good with words but I'll give my perspective. You can't let the fear of "what if" rule you. Then you can't even get out of the house "what if a meteorite falls on me?" It might happen again, it might never happen again. If it does, you reset and go for another round. If it doesn't you should be focusing on other things then something that might never happen again. Your life won't end if you relapse. You just have to pick yourself up and try again. and everytime you go without for longer, the brain gets rewired more and more. so it's more 3 steps forward, 1 back.
Day 1 - I`m becoming antisocial, and it`s fucking terrible. At my job, I stare some people in the eyes and I don`t say anything. It`s so unpleasant and awkward. I'm not liking the person that I'm becoming at all. Even though my average of relapses improved a little bit, my depression and social anxiety only got worse. If we don`t overcome this addiction every symptom will get worse. I'm very perseverent, but every day I think about suicide. BUT I WON'T LET PORN KILL MY DREAMS, FUCK NO!
Thank you very much @Krishna Das. I am very glad to hear that you could relate to me. Sometimes I feel like this whale they found to have a different frequency than the rest that he can not communicate For the others, I am very sorry if my posts are getting on your nerve or enigmatic or sth but it is very therapeutic for me. If I keep my mouth shut, I explode!
I am afraid of this as well ... and that is how it goes with me .. if I do not keep anything I feel or think in the light ... it comes back and haunt me .. unless it is really not important .. but if it is .. and I ignore it ... it snowballs in my head .. and comes like a truck and hit me I had 6-7 months (even I stopped counting ) ) clean period. That crazy thought was there many times .. and because I was super afraid to go back, I just chose to ignore it (read a complicated book, learn a new skill, engage in philosophical discussion, include more and more good habits) ... here is what I learnt .. face your fear .. not to yield to it but face it .. everyone has his way of doing it .. my way till now is writing it ... shining light of consciousness on it ... these things grow in darkness and they feed on fear ... it took me 15 years to admit that I am addict .. the title is scary man ... but it saves you from forgetting .. It is a weakness that needs to be guarded and healed ... both ... guarded and healed ... life will come and test you how well you did on both ... I imagine building a wall (Trump would be proud) around it that I am always trying to increase its height .. but I know that I am not perfect I can not protect it fully .. I will have a hole her or there somehow that eventually sth slip in .. but I hope then even if it slipped and started to tempt my heart , my heart would be a bit healed .. and once you know that and realise this progress in your heart, you may be motivated to kick these temptations off your heart .. you will feel proud of your heart .. work on your wall .. work on your heart .. I want to talk a bit more about it in today's post coming after this one ...
Day 11 I would really like to meditate on this question from @widdendreampenguin . This is one of the most important questions I have heard here! I am happy that it was asked so that I can think about it for a while .. "I have a question for anyone that wants to answer it, how do you deal with the uncertainty of not knowing when you might relapse and the anxiety that comes with it? For me it is a worry that is always present and it's a bit hard to ignore. I try to convince myself that I will never relapse, but at some point the more realist side of me kicks in thinking "it can happen anytime and there is nothing that you can do about it" as if it is destined to happen" What is happening? I am doing good and I was away for sometime ... I got good habits .. I am seeing progress ... I am feeling alive and much better .. I loathe the feeling that it comes after relapsing ... HATE IT .. THE MOST DISGUSTING FEELING IN THE WORLD .. but still I want to go back? I want to go back to that ? For a few seconds .. Few seconds where I forget who I am .. I am just there laser focused to get this done ... if there is a start there is a finish , that is the voice in my mind say .. how in the world? Am I the one who is in control or not? .. Hello? ... Is there someone else there? .. Parlay? ... Bargain? .. Hello? ... Oh no .. yes .. he does not talk once he captured me .. he just want to do what he needs to do with my body .. why it sounds to me as if someone is abusing me .. but I am letting him, although I can say NO .. but he can not start except when I yield .. then my body is filled with so much energy and hastiness to get it done .. I go autopilot .. he gives me "bread crumps" as well .. it is tasty but only for a short time .. after that .. it has a very very bitter after-taste .. I imagine sometimes if there was a button of saying "YES" and another of saying "NO" .. I would break the "YES" button and hard press the button "NO" .. the point is it is not like that .. the button "YES" is there and you can not hard press the "NO " button .. you have to press it many times a day .. NO ... NO .. NO .. NOOOO .. NO ... NOOOO .. NO ... NO .. NO .. NO .. and then the idea comes .. what if I pressed "YES" out of weakness ... is this fair even? .. I pressed 1000s times "NO" and then one "YES" comes and eat all my progress (or so I think) .. and this one "YES" could break many other good "Buttons" or make them unavailable for a while .. so what to do with this unfair game? ... what should I do? ... Am I blocked ?? .. Hmmm .. I found it .. I found it .. I had it before but I forgot it .. I do not know if you notice this but your memory of nice trained mindsets that you worked on comes back once you walk a bit on the road of recovery .. that is also a good point .. because what you have learnt and developed is waiting for you on the road .. a bit ahead of you waiting for you but you did not lose it .. Here is the deal .. life collected all its monsters and put them in this game .. what do I mean? ... in short .. win this game .. win all games .. in other words almost nothing would seem harder than this challenge .. I abstained over 6 months (3 times!!) ... I know this very good .. I once relapsed out of boredom because everything was super easy .. I was not easily challenged ... I solved this problem : I picked a quite nice challenge .. but believe me .. you will be unstoppable .. maybe it is not that unfair after all .. but try to win fast as you can to have many games to win .. but even if not and you did win after sometime .. you will be more seasoned .. it is a bit expensive though but the depth of your life will be incredible .. I went a bit tanget to the topic but I will come back to it tomorrow hopefully .. "Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair" [/QUOTE]
Day 27 and I’m so close to hitting my initial 30 day goal and now it’s time for me to start thinking about my next milestone! Thank you all for the support and the time of day you guys take to read my posts it means the world to me and motivates me to keep on with fighting my addiction and keep on looking forward to the accountability and keeping me around a community that helps me!
Day 25 Updates: Productivity through the roof ever since I came back from vacation. I can plan ahead and actually get shit done. Cardio, meditation, strength training, early-ish bedtime around 11. Some reading. Had a sex dream the other night (not wet). I'm longing for the woman I went out with a lot. But this feeling has to be felt deeply and cherished as it is a large part of who I am. It's not pain, it's exhilaration. Have to keep in touch with friends when I'm free. Try to call someone every day / every other day. This month and week is the period in my life that I took the first leaps towards becoming the son I've always dreamt of being, and the father I never had but will be to my children someday.
