Accountability for All

Checkin' - I didn't sleep enough those past few days, and today I had a wet dream, I hate them a lot. Anyway, I'm reading a book called In The Shadows of The Net, it's about por* addiction and it's fantastic, I recommend it.

I've been struggling with my dating life for years, and honestly improving this area for me is even more difficult than achieving 100+ days of abstinence, because I'm very shy and extremely insecure with girls, and also, because there are triggers everywhere I can't use dating websites or social media, so basically I have to approach chicks or something like that. Creating the habit of doing that seems like an unfeasible goal, It feels like I'll never overcome porn addiction because my dating life is in limbo.

For that reason, I'll by a book about it, I forgot the name of it, be it's just what I need, hopefully, it'll work for me.
 
This is my first post in this discussion.
I have been bad today. I edged on YT today for quite a while. Now I have relapsed and feel like shit.
My best streak is only 22 days. I am determined to try again.
Anyway this relapse has led to a new decision. I will stay away from all forms of social media for the next 45 days(starting Wednesday). I am moving to my college hostel and as it is quite a strict hostel, mobile phones are allowed only 2 days a week. I won't use the phone or my lap on that days too. Since I have to complete my college projects I need the internet which I will use from the common computer lab of our college.
 
Day 0 - Check in.

It's a powerful thing, brothers, isn't it? Or is it just an illusion of power that we fool ourselves into believing. Sure there are the physical aspects of being horny and having urges, otherwise known as natural feelings. However, the way P changes our brain into believing we are reproducing naturally to pixels on a screen, chatrooms, social media pictures or cam-sites, is so messed up. Rebooting is the only way, it must be done, expect bad times, for to get back to a normal balance, you must reach rock bottom first. Fear not, for it is at your lowest point that you will realize that every other day will be a step towards the goal of a P free life. Never name P, always refer to it as P as it does not deserve its full title.

Fight on, brothers, and help me as I will help you in return. Reach out, message me, comment on my posts, kick my ass in times of self doubt, and we will get there.
 
Checkin'. I had a heavy setback yesterday that triggered a lot of urges to just open the internet and relapse. For the first couple of hours i was soooo pointlessly and compulsively anxious and bumped, not caring about the flaws and how to improve at all. Not able to keep my mind straight despite knowing that it is nothing to be so reactive about. Until it cooled down a bit and i had a certain awareness to improve myself more. It doesn't happen overnight etc. So i just went back to sleep without binging my phone by the end.
 
Checking in - Yesterday I didn't sleep well, and today as well, I had a wet dream, which activated the chaser effect, I had some triggers at my job and when I got home I was overtired. All of that made me have a strong urge.

So there I was, alone at home on my computer, with the internet, and then I called my counselor to help me out, I wrote in my journal, I read my values and affirmations... But, coming back to my computer I started trying to bypass my blocker (Blok supreme pro), my attempts failed and I didn't relapse.
 
Checkin'. Had a lot urges before posting this. Right after waking up this evening and these strong impulsive urge came up on me without any recognition of emotional strain. It's happened to me before when i had this strong urge of being alone and waking up from a sleep hunting for dopamine. Any way i will be meditating as a precaution to understand the urge and detox my phone internet.
 
I relapsed. I really wanted to not let my porn addiction continue for longer than 1 year (I started last year near the end of September). I'm going to keep making that my goal. I got most of my devices locked down good but one of them I just need discipline because it is someone else's device. I know that is messed up but that is what I have resorted to with this addiction. It. Has. Got. To. Stop. Keep moving forward everyone, you might not get there when you want to but what matters is you WILL get there! Never give up!
 
Yesterday was a shitsow, I relapsed because I was dealing with the chaser effect and I was dumb enough to use my computer without blockers at my home, my mom was at home but whatever. Anyway, so I searched for some stuff on youtube and had a relapse. I didn`t affected me emotionally very much but it`s unplesant. Especially becuase I had a really hard time falling asleep, I thought I just wouldn`t sleep and that`s about it.
 
Checkin'. I mildly slipped while surfing the internet. I think it has to do with urges this evening with loss of enthusiasm and not binging cautiously can always get harmful, in my case it was just a few minutes but still. I haven't had too much time doing meditation this morning. I will do another session before going to sleep.
 
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