Checking in. Had a dream where I relapsed. Luckily it wasn't real life lol (I'm not counting dreams). This is the longest I've gone in probably a whole year. Very proud of myself but don't want it to get to my head - Gotta keep the grind on What does NNN stand for? And sorry you didn't make that, but you will kick this in the butt you got this!
I have dreams about relapsing periodically they're occasionally about porn and more often about drugs, shakes somebody up and makes the transition back to reality more unsettling than usual. NNN stands for No Nut November, similar to No Shave November but for NoFap. Day 2 Keeping positive.
Checking in - Yesterday I had a few triggers at the library, I indulged a little bit because of the anxiety I was feeling. Basically, I have to do challenges to overcome my shyness. In the second challenge, I have to ask to a complete stranger if I can eat dinner at their home. That's going to be a hard one.
Day 53 such begins day one of the ten day vacation. Yes thanks to my hp and so for helping me make this call. So often talks about a forty hours work week being too long and America should shorten it so I started working less It’s nice really I like it I feel kinda bad for people who work more but we all make our choices . I don’t have kids and I don’t buy much. No gym or memberships. Just stay home or go out and do cheap or free things. Save a lot of money by not spending much so I can work less and still save that’s my balance. Everyone has theirs.
NNN is no nut november, it's kind of like a meme that everyone participates in when november rolls around. Basically no pmo for november. I guess i'll use this as my check in, I'm doing okay. I installed brainbuddy on my phone and tablet which prompts me to checkin and asks me questions of how im doing. Has a journal, meditation and steps to take for thr day. So far so good!
Checking in - I`m doing good, but I didn`t sleep much last night. Guys, I have a new crush, I met her on the bus and for fuck sake, she`s the cutest and prettiest thing ever. Wish me luck.
Thanks punisher for the clarification! Installed some fences yesterday! Because I was so busy doing that yesterday, I didn’t have much time in front of a computer to be triggered. I count this a blessing, but its not repeatable especially because I have a computer job. Gotta stay strong and keep on.
Day 55 Amazed that I'm at 55 days that feels like so much. The last six months I haven't been able to string together more than a month streak so I'm really happy about this. The accountability calls are a great help to me. Makes the biggest difference for me to be a part of a group of fapstronauts that are all trying to stay clean. This is my sobriety hat trick. My third and hopefully final addiction to curb. First it was substances, then video games, now PMO I'm sorry I keep spouting the same story, but it's my story. Once I make it to a year I've left each of the support groups and tried to live my life without it. It's gone well both times. And if I hadn't done that I wouldn't have realized yet another new addiction ahd sprouted up that needed to be handled. Thus would enter a new group. Now it's the third group. I'm confident I'll beat this thing. I will make it a year no PMO I hope and wish that I will do it. Desperately ...I want to stay off pmo for life. -_-zZzz I really believe I can do it. The accountability group helps me so much. I remember being in AA. Some people have long streaks of many years. They're at every meeting. Always talking about how great AA is and stuff. I read through the AA book twice! Cover to cover. Then I understood somehow. The most important metaphor : They said that some game in a movie the guy plays and plays but can never win. Then he realizes no matter how many times he plays he will always lose. That the only way to beat the game was to stop playing. So he stops playing the game. And lives the rest of his life in peace no longer addicted to trying to beat the game. How many times have we all 'tried to moderate this time'? Done it only on Sundays? Tried to only use magazines or something less arousing? Edged and eventually relapsed? Done well for a few months and stopped doing what was working all those months? The only way to win against PMO is to stop playing with it. Stop sticking a fork in an electric socket thinking the 1000th time it's not going to shock you. And put the fork down. Leave the PMO electrical socket alone. Just get the heck away from it and stay away. Keep doing the things that help you stay sober. Sighs. Who am I talking to? I sat in those AA rooms full of every kind of person. We were all drunks in recovery. No one wanted to listen to a word I said unless it was joke. I've always been told I'm fun to be around. Everyone thought they knew better. Everyone talked trash. I just sat silently. Waiting. Struggling. Finding ways to stay sober that worked for me. I saw dozens of people over the year come in and out. Sober a few months disappear a few, rinse and repeat. The endless cycle of addiction. I saw people in their 50's or older still buying hard drugs caught in the cycle of addiction. I always thought the same thing when I saw them come back on Day 0, "I don't want that to be me." When I saw people with long streaks I'd observe them. Read whatever they wrote, listen to whatever they said. Ask them their opinions on how to stay sober. What worked for them? I took in the freely given, subtle energy that radiated off of their beings. I felt I could stay sober. A year passed. No one really learned my secret. I tried to sponsor people. Tried to talk to people about sobriety. It was rare that it helped anyone. Once in a while, someone wouldn't really do what I suggested. But just talking to me somehow helped them find their own solution and they'd end up building a long sober streak within the next months. I think they took in the freely given energy radiating off of me and found their own solution. Perhaps they had that thing that helps people get sober. A determination to find a way out of this trap called addiction.
Checking in - yesterday I searched for sexy stuff, so I relapsed, but I stopped at middle of the process. I didn`t jerk of or anything.
Wholly crap it’s 30 degrees out. I want to go for a jog on the grass though. Guess I’ll just wear two sweaters
