Accountability for All

Checking in for the first time.

I am starting a new streak from today (00:00). Yesterday I relapsed twice in a row, once in my bedroom with porn (PMO) and then the very next hour in the shower (MO). I slept through the whole day after that. Before midnight, late at night I looked at porn (P) for an hour again. So all in all three relapses of kinds in one day. I can't take it anymore, being like this. It's eating me alive and I would really do with an accountability group which helps each other grow. I have always fought this battle alone with my mental strength but i am at a place right now in my life where it's nothing but a mess. I don't want to be this guy I have become, I feel trapped. I want to strive for a clean streak of 30 days and plus, that's my target. I have done it before and beyond. I believe I can do it too, I just need a little push getting over the line. So any and all help is greatly appreciated. I'll try and stay connected with others as much as possible.

Day 1
 
ZenYogi said:
Day 55

Amazed that I'm at 55 days that feels like so much. The last six months I haven't been able to string together more than a month streak so I'm really happy about this. The accountability calls are a great help to me. Makes the biggest difference for me to be a part of a group of fapstronauts that are all trying to stay clean.

This is my sobriety hat trick. My third and hopefully final addiction to curb. First it was substances, then video games, now PMO

I'm sorry I keep spouting the same story, but it's my story. Once I make it to a year I've left each of the support groups and tried to live my life without it. It's gone well both times. And if I hadn't done that I wouldn't have realized yet another new addiction ahd sprouted up that needed to be handled.

Thus would enter a new group. Now it's the third group. I'm confident I'll beat this thing. I will make it a year no PMO I hope and wish that I will do it. Desperately ...I want to stay off pmo for life.

-_-zZzz

I really believe I can do it. The accountability group helps me so much. I remember being in AA. Some people have long streaks of many years. They're at every meeting. Always talking about how great AA is and stuff. I read through the AA book twice! Cover to cover. Then I understood somehow. The most important metaphor : They said that some game in a movie the guy plays and plays but can never win. Then he realizes no matter how many times he plays he will always lose. That the only way to beat the game was to stop playing. So he stops playing the game. And lives the rest of his life in peace no longer addicted to trying to beat the game.

How many times have we all 'tried to moderate this time'? Done it only on Sundays? Tried to only use magazines or something less arousing? Edged and eventually relapsed? Done well for a few months and stopped doing what was working all those months?

The only way to win against PMO is to stop playing with it. Stop sticking a fork in an electric socket thinking the 1000th time it's not going to shock you. And put the fork down. Leave the PMO electrical socket alone. Just get the heck away from it and stay away. Keep doing the things that help you stay sober.

Sighs. Who am I talking to?

I sat in those AA rooms full of every kind of person. We were all drunks in recovery. No one wanted to listen to a word I said unless it was joke. I've always been told I'm fun to be around. Everyone thought they knew better. Everyone talked trash. I just sat silently. Waiting. Struggling. Finding ways to stay sober that worked for me.

I saw dozens of people over the year come in and out. Sober a few months disappear a few, rinse and repeat. The endless cycle of addiction. I saw people in their 50's or older still buying hard drugs caught in the cycle of addiction.

I always thought the same thing when I saw them come back on Day 0, "I don't want that to be me." When I saw people with long streaks I'd observe them. Read whatever they wrote, listen to whatever they said. Ask them their opinions on how to stay sober. What worked for them? I took in the freely given, subtle energy that radiated off of their beings.

I felt I could stay sober. A year passed. No one really learned my secret. I tried to sponsor people. Tried to talk to people about sobriety. It was rare that it helped anyone. Once in a while, someone wouldn't really do what I suggested. But just talking to me somehow helped them find their own solution and they'd end up building a long sober streak within the next months.

I think they took in the freely given energy radiating off of me and found their own solution. Perhaps they had that thing that helps people get sober. A determination to find a way out of this trap called addiction.
Click to expand...
Going great bro
 
Day 1 complete
I didn't do anything productive per se as I am trying to fix my schedule first. I slept at 12 pm and woke up at 9:30 pm which is not healthy by any means. So my goal for today is to stay awake the whole day and then sleep at night so I can continue going to the gym from tomorrow onwards. Peace out.
 
Day 57

woo 2.5 hours of studying in the books today. My goal is 5+ for the week and it's only monday. So let's go may I get 2.5 hours everyday! Or even 3 hours! hoorah.

Once I pass this exam I may checkout a TKD school. But, I also might just spend my extra time reading books :) I love my books

Zen Buddhism, Martial Arts, and Self Help are my favorite three genres. Manga and Anime are also great if I'm feeling tired of reading for the day.

I found books by anderson silva, randy couture, bj penn, jack dempsy and bruce lee that give instructions on how to fight. All those books would cost about $70 if you got used copies. I found one on peek a boo boxing by...some guy? lol. It's the only book on the subject with any merit so I'm trying it out.

Bj's book is great. Talks about MMA basics. developing your style. Staying in shape year round. Cross training etc. I very much like these books yes.

Ah I feel much more positive about myself and my life when I get studying time in. Good focused time yea that's right. Hope I can pass the exam hope I can get the date scheduled in mid january to test.

Finished BAKI on netflix. It's a good series. Guess Seven Deadly Sins, One Punch Man and SAO are next
 
Hi everyone! It's my first time here.
I can't exactly remember when I started it's been around 18 days.
I stopped watching porn again, after around a year of continous relapses.
Recently I watched some videos about people successfully quitting addiction, and it was a common theme, that they had some accountability partner to talk to.
Since atm I don't have a partner, I just post here and read everyone else's posts.

It's kind of a stressful time in the university. So atm I'm struggling a bit with the things that I replace my addiction with, like drinking and smoking. It's not too bad, but I would like to stop smoking and reduce my alcohol consumption in the future.

Hope you're having a great day.
 
Day 58

Rest day today. Seeing the so today . Got to take it easy. Just rest as much as my body wants to sleep.

read the dharma and my mindfulness book. Watch anime. Take a short walk or two. Time to meditate in the morning and evening, get to bed early and either read dharma or meditate more before bed

yes anime dharma these are the most restorative media for me. Other stuff is not. Especially the espn site I’ll be removing that app. I don’t want to use Disney+ or Hulu. Just Crunchyroll and my gfs Netflix is enough for me

keeps me on the anime heh

honestly I may study if I want to. I like to study now. I’ve really come full circle from my rebellious younger days .
 
Hi! Checking in again.
It's day 20, I have no idea how to restart my counter lol.
It's probably not the best thing for me to count it anyway.
Yesterday was not too bad since I went to the gym, met a friend so I kept myself busy.
Now I have to finish my university thesis, so it will be tough.
Overall I try to be as positive as possible.
Hope everyone is going strong!
 
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