I am afraid of what I’ve done to myself.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by GMiester1130, Feb 17, 2019.

  1. GMiester1130

    GMiester1130 Fapstronaut

    I am male, 23. I’ve been watching porn since 8th grade, essentially introduced to it by kids my age who thought it was cool. Since then, I’ve watched it at least once a day up to now, save for the occasional day or week where I didn’t or couldn’t. I’ve tried to quit many times physically, mentally, and spiritually, but failed each time. I’ve also had sex with at least four women in my life, and while that might sound like a good thing, I think all of this is and has rewired my brain to think of women differently, and make it more difficult to get my exs off my mind. I constantly have thoughts of someone who did nothing but lied to me, yet I still want to go back to her just because I’ve banged her before.

    I’ve read a lot into neuroplasticity, and I’m afraid that I’ve rewired my brain to the point of no return, before it’s even fully developed. I feel hopeless, like I will never be able to quit porn or masturbating (essentially having sex with myself) or have a true, loving, intimate relationship with a woman I could love because I’ve been unknowingly reprogramming my brain to bond with multiple women and hundreds of images of women behind computer screens. All I’ve ever wanted in my life since 4th grade was to fall in love, but now, I’m afraid I’m unable to even mentally process or comprehend what that truly means for myself because of what I’ve done. I feel like I’ve dove too deep to swim back up.

    Is there really hope?
    jipjap and C.HNF like this.
  2. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

    Of course there is hope, and lots of it. The fundamental idea behind neuroplasticity is that change is possible, in all directions. You can build new neurological pathways that replace old ones at ANY age. The brain is ALWAYS moldable, it's just a bit harder after the age of 25. So congratulate yourself that you have made a big step in the right direction so early in life, and allowed yourself to invite real love and lasting future relationships.
    jipjap and BigOne79 like this.
  3. Monarch77

    Monarch77 Fapstronaut

    Exactly what Lilla said, plasticity means things can change. There is no point of no return. Trust me, if there was I would have hit it as I was exposed to porn much younger than even you were (9, unfortunately) and then let it rule me through my entire teens and young adult life. I was in DEEP and still I managed to turn everything around and found someone that I love and care deeply about. That said, rewiring won't happen overnight and those of us who started young may have a longer rebooting period, so my advice is patience. Try not to worry about past or future relationships and just focus on yourself, today, and how you are going to work on changing things. Obviously much easier said than done I know, but you can absolutely do it. And I'll second that congratulations, so many people don't realize how badly porn is messing with their lives and yet you're here and ready to make a change, so don't lose hope, you already took the first step.
    jipjap, Kiz Whalifa and Lilla_My like this.
  4. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

    Very nice post sir. I was gonna ask since you mentioned after 25 it gets more difficult. Is it because of the age and the brain or because the addiction had gone on longer at this point..
  5. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

    Our brain has reached maturity at 25 and our personality is stabilized. Below that age, pruning of neurons and rearranging neurological pathways may occur at a higher rate, but the same great results will be accomplished with rebooting regardless of age or how long the behaviour has been going on. I need to stress that p addiction is NOT personality and there is no upper limit agewise to our ability to rewire our brains to different and better behaviour.
    jipjap and porsche4life like this.
  6. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

    Just no more PMO man. Things will return to normal.
    Lilla_My and Kiz Whalifa like this.
  7. Thundurus

    Thundurus Fapstronaut

    Believe in the process, you are the process.
    I've been through fentanyl use and messed my brain due to doctors treating me wrong and I thought I'm doomed but now 2 years later I'm a new man so I'm positively 100 hundread percent sure you got a big light at the ened of the tunnel,forget light it's a freaking fireee
  8. NearDeath

    NearDeath Fapstronaut

    at 23 you got tremendous neuroplasticity left.

    i'm about 49 and i think i still have a tad left but at 23 you can still do anything, transform your brain in a couple weeks
  9. NearDeath

    NearDeath Fapstronaut

    it is the hours after powerful orgasm that the body actually reforms.
    I am a shapeshifter and can transform into any creature after a powerful orgasm. if you are super advanced, far beyond myself, you can actually transform into creatures of your own making, this is actually where we came from, where all living things come from.

    this things are verboten to know but no details given here, not enough to apply it.


Share This Page