Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Jagliana, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 594: 9/15/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Family Time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke about two of the videos he watched. They were both ones I recommended to him, first we discussed "Let’s Talk Porn | Maria Ahlin | TEDxGöteborg", in addition to being a public speaker, author, and educator Maria is an expert on issues concerning pornography and sex-buying she has given more than 400 public talks. In this Ted Talk, she goes into ** graphic ** (AND TRIGGERING) details about different types of P and what it does to both the users and how the users create a 'supply and demand' chain for the multibillion-dollar P industry. Wade told me that this video, some of her descriptions of P did trigger him in a way, but it did not give him an urge to go and PM. He said some of the type of P she named, triggered him to remember stuff he would watch and how much he enjoyed it at the time. Then he told me how much he (and I did too) enjoyed "Better Intimacy For Her, Better Sex For Him & Vice Versa | Amy Color | TEDxStanleyPark", in this video, Amy an Intimacy Therapy Coach, international trainer, clinical supervisor, defines the science and sound of intimacy. She’s created practical solutions based on decades of research with proven results. She shares her recipes for physical and emotional intimacy that foster deep secure connection in a respectful and entertaining way. It really was a fun and informational video to watch, Wade and I agree with many of her points, we've seen significant differences ever since building our intimacy. Then we went inside to watch some TV, he gave me a nice foot rub too.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Steve Harvey Talks About His Life Before The Steve Harvey Morning Show”, in this episode, Steve Harvey gives his own compelling testimony on his struggles before the success of the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Remember, if you don't go after what you want, don't be surprised when you don't get it.

    This morning, we started listening to "How To Attract Wealth and Believe In Your Worth" an interview with Kyle Cease, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Kyle Cease is a New York Times best-selling author with two #1 Comedy Central specials to his credit. He has been a guest speaker at thousands of colleges, summits, and Fortune 500 conferences and has made over 100 TV and movie appearances. Kyle teaches that most of our “triggers” are fears we have based on old stories. Once we dig deep to figure out where those are rooted, we can stop letting them control us. I had a few takeaways so far, but one of the most relatable ones was when he said this at around 50 minutes: "the only things it that causes fear is you not wanting it to be there if you're loved fear it can't last bring it on because fear is your resistance to yourself ah that's big so it's only the factor so it's not that you're in fear it's that we are trying to get rid of it it's that we're trying to change it it's that we think it shouldn't be there but life is so cool that it's trying to get you to learn to love more unconditionally to even create a capacity to even love that fear which you have."

    We went to the mall for a Pokemon Go community day event, some minor triggers were there (it's a Sunday after all). I spent most of my time talking to our eldest daughter about the insane temper tantrum she threw in the morning, I am hoping something got through to her, but I doubt it. Wade, went to the indoor playground with the little one. We met up after for lunch and had some good family time there. Overall it was a good day.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Got over some minor triggers fast, was able to enjoy the day without my mood being completely ruined.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Relationships
    Tony Robbins: Why Relationships Are So Hard



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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

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  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 595: 9/16/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke about our daughter and her tantrums, discussing what happened with her earlier in the day and sharing our thoughts on it and what to do in the future. We talked about some various topics mixed in with that as well. Then we went inside to watch some TV while he gave me a nice foot rub. Before bed he also gave me a backrub, it felt so good and relieved a lot of pain I've been having, it's been quite a while since the last one, so there was a lot of tension released and that felt great.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Success Is Knowing Your Purpose In Life”, in this episode, we hear about why success is knowing your purpose in life. Remember, if you know your "why", you can endure just about anything.

    This morning, we finished listening to "How To Attract Wealth and Believe In Your Worth" an interview with Kyle Cease, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Kyle Cease is a New York Times best-selling author with two #1 Comedy Central specials to his credit. Now he spends all of his time helping to motivate others all around the world. In finishing this great (and long) interview, Kyle continued to make very good points, which opened up a lot of conversation with Wade and myself. The most important takeaway was his biggest point "you're only stressed because your mind can measure what you will lose, but can't see what you'll gain". Afterward, we went for our weekly supermarket run.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Trigger free day!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Relationships
    Better Intimacy For Her, Better Sex For Him & Vice Versa



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    [​IMG]
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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 596: 9/17/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked about various topics and how the last two days have been good days for us. Then I don't remember how, we began talking about my fears/anxiety for some upcoming events, like the cruise, etc. Then we went into a whole talk about triggers and how I don't think I will ever be in a place where I can stay somewhere, with one of "them" present and my mind not automatically getting triggered into the worst thoughts... "I will never ever be what he truly desires" or the nonstop thoughts of "yeah, there she is... I bet deep down, he wants to look at her, he's prob trying really difficult to not look, he is forcing himself to focus on me just to avoid drama later" -- he believes I'm getting better and that my recent 'glitches' are actually not 'glitches' but progress, but unfortunately, I don't. Heck, I hope he is right and at some point, these triggers will go away or become insignificant, but something tells me they are here to stay. I wish for his beliefs to come to pass because living like this, with these constant painful reminders of not being enough for him are killing me, I want them gone, I want true peace and happiness.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Elevate Your Life And Become Limitless”, in this episode, Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about how to become limitless. Remember, you are the sum total of all of the choices you've made up until now.

    This morning, before we left the house, we started listening to "Making Marriage Work" with Dr. John Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. He is world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction and has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. In this video, Dr. Gottman outlines the findings, tools, and techniques that have helped thousands of couples from around the world build a “Sound Relationship House,” the science behind happy relationships! So far, we got to his simple equation/explanation on how he and many can predict which marriages will work and which will end up in divorce. How? he uses a simple formulation, 5 to 1, if there are 5 times more positives in an argument and only 1 negative - it will work out, if it's in reverse, the relationship will fail. I can not wait to listen to the rest of this. Then I walked by myself and listened to a remarkable story of going from victim to victor, while Wade did some fishing. I listened to an Impact Theory episode, "No Matter How Broken You Are, He Explains How to Get Whole". In this one, Tom Bilyeu interviewed Nick Santonastasso, who was born with no legs and one arm and he absolutely refuses to make excuses. He became a varsity wrestler, a social media sensation, and wrote the book that perfectly describes his mindset, “Victim to Victor.” For him, it's your mindset that makes you disabled and nothing else. Here, Nick talks about how his parents raised him, about being in full victim-mode in middle and high school, he explains how his mindset became his superpower, how failure and getting beat up helped him out, he describes why the biggest disability is a bad mindset, and how his value system has changed. Best quote: “People can see me on the street and be like, ‘Wow, look how disabled that guy is.’ And I’m like, pfft. Have you seen your mindset? Have you seen the way you operate? Have you seen the way you react to situations, that you’re pissed off in traffic? You think the world happens TO you. I’m not disabled. You’re handicapped.” It was a fascinating interview/story, truly inspirational.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers on the trail, calm walk!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How To Attract Wealth and Believe In Your Worth



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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 597: 9/18/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke about my parents, again. How I understand them and how their minds/opinions work and are formed, based on the many years of being around them. We spent the entire time talking about a conversation we had with my mom earlier in the day, where she admitted my dad was upset with us etc. Then we went inside and watched "The 100" as he gave me a lovely foot rub.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why You Must Never Settle For Mediocrity In Your Life”, in this episode, we're reminded by Joel Osteen and Les Brown why we must never settle for mediocrity. Remember, in this life, you get what you settle for.

    This morning, Wade had a doctors appointment, so I walked alone. During my walk, I listened to "11 Risk Factors That Destroy Your Brain" an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Dr. Daniel Amen is a double board-certified psychiatrist and nine-time New York Times bestselling author. He talks about how to deal with negative thoughts, keeping your brain healthy, and assessing your brain type. During this interview, Dr. Amen explains how to make a good brain great, how to stop automatic negative thoughts [05:54] and the 5 questions to ask yourself when you're feeling anxious [09:16]. He also discusses techniques to calm anxiety, how you can start improving your brain health, everything you're probably doing that's destroying your brain, the foods you should and shouldn't be eating for your brain, the ideal lifestyle and dietary factors that will improve your brain, the importance of flooding all your senses with happiness. I feel like I learned a lot from this interview and will really try and incorporate some of his methods, like the 5 questions one, pre-triggers or anxieties, if my brain allows it.

    Wade got another two weeks off, I'm so happy about that, we get to spend more time together.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: The third day in a row, minimal triggers, phew!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    DON'T ACCEPT MEDIOCRITY



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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  5. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 598: 9/19/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke about a story that he read in his book, "I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't)" by Brené Brown. It was a story about how you should never assume anything, about anyone because someone may give off the appearance of "perfect" but in reality, they are far from it. In fact, their entire life could be falling apart. It also dove into the shame of feeling ashamed and boy, do I know that feeling - very well. I am so happy that Wade is so invested and into this book, pre-recovery he wouldn't have even considered reading a summary, let alone the entire book. It really is amazing how much someone can change (if they want to) and in less than a year, it's so surreal, all of it. After that, we want in and began watching Stranger Things season 3. Then we cuddled in bed a little, before dozing off. Nights like this just make me so happy, I never thought I could feel this way with Wade. I still feel happier with the Wade of today, even when triggered, than I ever did pre-recovery, it's amazing and surprising for me.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Rules To Live By For A Happy Life”, in this episode, Oprah Winfrey gives us her rules to live by for a happy life. Her rules? 1. Know who you are, 2. Be a warrior of the light, 3. Know your strengths, 4. Earn success, 5. Have good intentions, 6. Love your audience, 7. Just be yourself, 8. Align yourself with your dream, 9. Create a meaningful life, 10. Have fun and 11. BONUS - Put out positive energy. Remember, we cannot adjust the wind, but we can adjust the sail.

    This morning, Wade had PT, and I was feeling under the weather, instead of walking in the cold I waited for him to be done and then we drove down to the mall for our walk. We finished listening to "Making Marriage Work" with Dr. John Gottman, world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction and has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. Other than the positive/negative ratio, he also went over a metaphor/concept that served as a good predictor of divorce. He calls it "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" which is a metaphor he uses to describe communication styles that, according to his research, can predict the end of a relationship. 1. Criticism, 2. Contempt, 3. Defensiveness and 4. Stonewalling - he has a really good breakdown on his website here, for those that are interested. Afterward, we had some lunch where we discussed our own relationship and how different communication is for us these days, well, we never really had it at all before lol. However, now, even if we know for certain that the other will get pissed if we tell them "___", we still do it, because both of us know that eventually, the anger will pass, we'll talk it out, work it out and move on - without either of us holding onto any resentment over keeping it inside. On the car ride home, we continued our talk, which was about the concept of trusting him but just not about other women. He thinks I can't have it both ways, but believes that through his consistency and honesty, I will eventually get to the point of believing him on this too.

    Then we spent some time relaxing at home before the kids get home. It was a nice day.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Had a very good talk about communication with Wade (ironic, I know)!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    "ALIGN Yourself With Your DREAM!" | Oprah Winfrey



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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  6. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 599: 9/20/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, it was way too cold for me to sit out while he smoked, so he went out himself and I spoke with our daughter a little before she had to go to sleep. Then he wanted to brush my hair and I love when he does it, it's cute and out of character from how he use to, well, just not care about these little things. Then he spent the entire time cleaning my brush, which I really appreciated too. Afterward, we cuddled and then went to bed, with literal smiles on our faces.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Inspiring Message on the Power of Self Discipline”, in this episode, an inspiring message on the incredible power of self-discipline. Remember, nothing will be different until we think differently.

    This morning, before our walk we listened to a Tony Robbin's relationship soundbite, to which we both agreed that his points were so correct and true. Then during our walk, I relistened to "11 Risk Factors That Destroy Your Brain" with Wade, because he wanted to hear it. This was an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Dr. Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist and nine-time bestselling author. He talks about how to deal with negative thoughts, keeping your brain healthy, and assessing your brain type. During this interview, Dr. Amen explains how to make a good brain great, how to stop automatic negative thoughts [05:54] and the 5 questions to ask yourself when you're feeling anxious [09:16]. He also discusses techniques to calm anxiety, how you can start improving your brain health, everything you're probably doing that's destroying your brain, the foods you should and shouldn't be eating for your brain, the ideal lifestyle and dietary factors that will improve your brain, the importance of flooding all your senses with happiness. We both feel like we learned a lot from this interview and I have started and will continue to try and incorporate some of his methods, like the 5 questions one, pre-triggers or anxieties, if/when my brain allows it.

    Then we ran an errand at Costco, of course, there were triggers there, it never stops. I was able to move past them and we ended up having a pretty good day, where we got a lot of stuff done and even had time for a lunch date. Both of us were in good spirits the whole day, it was nice.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: My hair felt so soft and looked like a million bucks!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    MORNING MOTIVATION - Discipline Yourself!!!



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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

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    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  7. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 600: 9/21/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Family Time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Day 600 of recovery, time is surely flying, congrats @Wade W. Wilson.

    Last night, our building had a 'meet your neighbors' get-together and at first, we were the only young ones there and that made me awkward, like a seniors bingo night and bam, here we are, but playing cards with Wade did distract me from that. A bit later, our annoying downstairs neighbor came and oddly enough we found a good topic of conversation and spoke for a bit. Then, out of nowhere, of all the people between all three of our building's... the prime neighbor shows up... in all her glory, big ass in super tight jeans and all. This is the same chick that Wade had described as "hot" just a few weeks ago. He claims he "felt nothing, no trigger or urges to look", but he was acting weird. He told me it was because he was worried about where my head was at and how I was feeling. Anyway, I wasn't feeling good after she popped up, to say the least, but when I saw her butter face, it did throw me off a bit, err... a face only a mother could love. Which explains why she dresses the way that she does, gotta get attention somehow. None-the-less, still a prime, still a big trigger... because Wade never cared much about the faces, just concentrated on his love for the body type of his dreams - you know, not mine.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Recognize Signs From The Universe”, in this episode, Jack Canfield talks about recognizing when you're getting signs from the universe. Remember, there are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.

    This morning, we listened to "How to Reinvent Yourself and Create the Future" an interview with James Altucher, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. James Altucher is an entrepreneur, bestselling author, and podcaster. He has founded or cofounded more than 20 companies and in this interview, he really tries to make a point that life is easier and better if you are a minimalist. He talks about how to make the most money from self-publishing your book, how he re-invented himself and what his formula is; for reinventing yourself, he explains why and how he sold all of his possessions and decided to become homeless, how to deal with a bad day and why you shouldn’t think about what’s missing in your life. This wasn't the best interview in my opinion, but it did open up a lot of good talking points for Wade and myself. Then when we were pulling into our building's parking lot, a trigger with a huge ass was walking by, Wade did he best to keep turning his head towards me, I guess to avoid staring at her, but there where little kids roaming around and I found what he was doing unsafe, he could have hit a kid. It was frustrating, to say the least.

    Then we had a family day at our kid's school, there were various activities for the kids and some food, etc it was a reason to collect money for the PTA. There were a few trigger's there, good thing I had my grounding ring. I was managing them as best as I could, but then Wade noticed me fidgeting with my ring and asked if I am doing it for fun or if I'm doing it because I am triggered. I told him "yes, I'm triggered". One of the PTA mom's he would go out of his way to ogle was in my line of sight, then there was another 'prime' that was roaming around where our little one was playing, just to name a few. Then instead of just letting me be, he kept questioning it...questioning me "... but I don't see anyone" "there's no one here" and repeating those few [similiar] phrases over and over again, making me feel 1) invalidated, as if I was making up the triggers and 2) just being annoying about it and not dropping it (you know taking my word for it, since I was the one affected after all). I snapped, I said "do you want me to go and point her/them out? do you want me to grab your hand and walk you over to them, so you have proof? maybe let you slap her ass to you know, confirm she's a trigger/prime??" like what the hell did he want to accomplish by questioning it so much? I already didn't buy that he didn't "notice anyone". Anyhow, that killed my mood for the rest of the day and the stress has also caused me to breakout, ugh.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Didn't completely lose my shit in front of everyone, held myself together as best as I possibly could.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Pay Attention to the Signs of the Universe



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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

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  8. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 601: 9/22/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked triggers, reality setting in and how it's impossible for him to suddenly feel a certain way when it comes to his preferences. I just don't buy into it, yeah I get the whole brain on porn thing and coming off of it causing some changes in physical preferences, but not this drastic, at least not in my opinion. We'll have to just agree to disagree, I just don't know how sustainable it is, when it comes to certainty on my end...

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Unlock Your Hidden Powers”, in this episode, we listen in as Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about how to unlock your hidden powers. Remember, you can learn and change in a state of suffering, or you can learn and change in a state of joy and inspiration. The choice is yours.

    This morning, Wade and I began listening to a Tony Robbins video but were interrupted many times. It did open up an interesting values conversation, but I will post about all that when we finish the video later on. Then, my parents stopped by to sit with the girls, however, my dad announced that he decided to go fishing with Wade... umm whatever, I ended up walking alone, while they fished. My back was killing me from last night, but because of this 'out of the blue fishing excursion', I had to walk way more than I initially intended; which is normally fine with me, but not when I'm in this much pain and it was getting humid too. While I walked, there were a bunch of triggers... some pretty big ones and I bet when I got radio silence from Wade for some time - it was because he had other distractions (which he denies of course). While I walked I listened to a different Tony Robbins video, "How To Create The Perfect Relationship", it was almost an hour long and from one of his live shows. He somehow got a depressed woman, to realize how quickly this woman can snap in and out of depression and what that really means when we discover that everything we do... is because of one or all of the basic human needs (he lists six of them). How he unwinded her was remarkable. After my walk, I sat by our car, alone with my thoughts... I didn't hear anything from Wade for a while, which got me more and more triggered, just imagining how he was probably too busy with all those 'pretty distractions'.

    I was set off for most of the morning, but after going to the playground with the kids, then having an early dinner together my trigger subsided a bit because of all of the distractions.

    I am so tired of these triggers and I know Wade is too, but I can not do anything about them, I am filled to the brim with so much uncertainty, doubt, and fear.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Tried to ease my earlier trigger in order to enjoy some family time today, without being irritable and snapping.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How to Unlock the Full Potential of Your Mind | Dr. Joe Dispenza



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  9. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 602: 9/23/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked about my morning trigger and he wondered why I got THAT triggered, worse than I have in recent months. I explained that it could have been various factors, like the fact that I was in pain, tired and sitting there, waiting for a while (alone with my thoughts)... just watching those women running by and assuming why he went radio silent after messaging with me for some time prior to that. We discussed all of it and how I believe I'm never going to be his true 'prime' aka preference, especially because his ogling preferences typically didn't have a gut, which after two kids/two c-sections... it's something I just can not change. He claims not to care, but his past actions prove otherwise.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why It’s Impossible to Win Playing The Blame Game”, in this episode, we learn why it is impossible to win by playing the blame game. Remember, when you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.

    This morning, Wade and I listened to "Are you with the right person? " a clip from Tony Robbin's podcast. Where he dives into what makes a good and sustainable relationship with a partner, most of all it is what your top two values are and if they match your partners or not. While we walked we began listening to another Tony Robbins video, "How To Create The Perfect Relationship", the one I listened to myself yesterday. Where Tony was able to get a depressed woman to see how easily she could snap in and out of depression and what that really means when we discover that everything we do... is because of one or all of the basic human needs (1. Certainty, 2. Uncertainty/Variety, 3. Significance, 4. Connection/Love, 5. Growth and 6. Contribution). We stopped after 2 because Certainty/Uncertainty is a huge issue/trigger. Wade was referring back to the brain doctor we listened to a few days ago and asking me about yesterdays triggers, trying to decipher facts versus the story he says I've told myself. It was good and thought-provoking for us both.

    When we got home we continued our 24-hour liquid fast/reset and the broth was yummy, but throughout the day all I could think about was eating LOL. I got an e-mail AD from Olive Garden and all I could think about was their garlic bread and delicious salad!!! so we decided that after picking up the girls from school... to go to Olive Garden to end this fast... "in good fashion" LMAO. We are horrible, I know but omg I wanted that damn bread. Of course, at Olive Garden there were some triggers, I can't seem to go anywhere without them. Good thing I remembered to bring my ring because it did help ground me a bit, even if 50-60% of the time I was thinking... "I wonder what he is imagining right now... whom he is thinking about... after seeing them all". But aside from that... the meal was delicious!!

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I feel accomplished for finishing that 24-fast.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Do this for 90 days and watch your life change



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  10. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 603: 9/24/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Quality Time with Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked about (continued) the conversation we had in the morning about uncertainty and my huge issues with well... uncertainty. I don't want to repeat the same thing all over again, but it was pretty much all that/triggers.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “3 Common Thinking Errors and How to Stop Making Them”, in this episode, we learn 3 of the most common thinking errors and how to stop making them. Remember, if you don't like something change it - if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. (Wade's favorite new motto!) ...

    This morning, Wade had a doctors appointment and I went with him... on the way there we finished listening to the Tony Robbins video, "How To Create The Perfect Relationship". The conversation in launched the day before and continued into today was good and thought-provoking for us both. We ended up spending over 2.5 hours at the doctors, great health care system we have here, sigh. At least we were together and talked about random stuff the whole time. Then in the afternoon we really enjoyed each other's company, more than once. It was a nice trigger-free day.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Went for it... twice, haha.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    3 Common Thinking Errors and How to Stop Making Them



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  11. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 604: 9/25/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke about uncertainty and how I hate it, also how he has really gotten into the "contribution" need without even realizing it through recovery. How his story now helps so many others, without him doing much, other than journaling and sharing his progress and setbacks. Then our eldest came out for a bit and we talked together, it was nice.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Create Your Own Reality: It’s What Successful People Do”, in this episode, Isaac Lidsky explains how you create your own reality. Remember, reality isn't something you perceive; it's something you create in your mind.

    This morning, we listened to another Tony Robbins video "Advice and Feeling Loved", it wasn't long but it was informative as usual. He went over the 6 keys to have a good and healthy relationship. They were 1. Create aliveness, 2. Find more passion, 3. Change your story, 4. Speak up "speak the unspoken", 5. Master Emotions, 6. Change the state. I am happy to say that these days, all his points - Wade and I can both agree that post-recovery/healing ... we've been living them, and I hope others can create their ideal relationship too, even after so much trauma and betrayal, it's not easy - but it is so worth it. Then on the way to the mall and during our walk, we listened to "Former Drug Addict Explains How to Completely Turn Your Life Around" an interview with Doug Bopst on Impact Theory. He explains how someone can rebuild from the depths of failure, self-inflicted harm, and feelings of worthlessness. He knows all about hitting rock bottom, but sitting in jail, as a miserable addict, who was overweight and locked in a victim mindset, he found a mentor in a cellmate who got him into fitness. His story was very inspiring [even though it wasn't a PA, it was still an addiction/addict mentality he was struggling with] and it gave Wade and I a lot of talk about and even to relate to. Afterward, Wade got into this whole thing about me training myself with being comfortable with uncertainty, by me not weighing myself every day to see if the numbers have gone up or down. He was quite annoying about it... I told him I would think about it, I mean but honestly, why would I purposely want to torture myself? makes no sense but he thinks it is somehow related. I'll consider it, maybe. Anyhow, our entire morning together was good and I felt so connected to Wade... that I even "slipped" and slapped his ass... in public! haha.

    Later today we have to go to our little's one's meet the teacher event at the school... I hope I won't bump into anyone there... aka primes that trigger the crap out of me... because so far today has been a good day...

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Slapped Wade's ass... in public, definitely out of the box behavior for me.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Isaac Lidsky - What reality are you creating for yourself?



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  12. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 605: 9/26/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Explanation here.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning with Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked about our little's one's open house at school and about my trigger being there and the trigger that followed. We didn't talk much though, both of us were exhausted. Then we went inside and watched some TV while he gave me a nice foot rub and then spoiled me with a back rub right after. I really appreciate it, because I know he does not have to do that for me.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Stop Seeking Validation From Others (And Why You Should)”, in this episode, Joel Osteen talks with us about the perils of constantly seeking validation from others. Remember, what someone else does or does not do, thinks or does not think does not determine your value.

    This morning, started rough with some back and fourth's between Wade and our eldest, we talked about that. Then as we began our walk, I got triggered rather quickly by one of the women who triggered me a few days ago. We began listening to "Zachary Levi: ON Growing from Depression" an interview with Jay Shetty, on his podcast, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Where Zachary Levi opens up about his personal struggles with depression, anxiety and mental health as well as how meditation, prayer, and therapy have helped him grow from it all. It opened up a lot of conversation for Wade and me, as both of us used other "outlets" to cover up our loneliness, sadness and so many feelings that we never thought to discuss with each other before recovery. After that we ran a few errands and had a good time together, we also had a lunch date... which was nice too. What sucked was Wade had some knee issues, hope he feels better soon.

    Tonight we have another open house, this time for our eldest, I am not looking forward to seeing that triggering PTA mom again. This time I am not going to forget my grounding ring... wish me luck!

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Feeling good about the morning I had with Wade, even though I/we had some issues.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Joel Osteen - Don't Rely On People



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  13. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 606: 9/27/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Explanation here.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Music.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't talk. While he smoked, I spoke with our eldest about her new teachers, goals for the new school year and told her about my junior high/high school memories. Then Wade and I cycled through some of the 'potential' shows I added for us to watch on Amazon Prime and most of them (even though they have good reviews) were 'meh' for us.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Train Your Mind: It’s Easy If You Do It The Smart Way”, in this episode, we learn how to train your mind to get what you want. Remember, whatever you tell your mind it believes. First, you make your beliefs then your beliefs make you.

    This morning, Wade suddenly informs me that he is going fishing with my dad. This is after a whole slew of mentions of things I wanted to do today and even also my thought of going to a new place [I brought it up yesterday] because his knee hurt and I figured he wouldn't be walking with me anyway. None of those times did he tell me "but we can't because I'm going fishing with you dad". I HATE surprises. Anyhow, he claims he did mention it to me yesterday and I argued with him that NO he did not. If he mentioned it to me yesterday, I would have replied with "really? because my dad told me that he was in too much pain to going fishing this week" and I would not have mentioned going to the new place, but even if I did, he no doubt should have responded with "but you know your dad can't go there, it's too much walking", where I would have responded with "my dad?" hence him having a chance to "remind" me that he had plans to go fishing with my dad today. Anyway, I told him to drop his right fighting a few times but he continued to trigger me but NOT dropping it and arguing over and over that he did tell me but I must have ignored him or forgot, just that line in the conversation I recalled to him earlier. Then I was in no mood for anything anymore but he continued talking to me anyway. Of course, later on, he apologized and told me that he does not know why he always does this, why he does not drop topics, etc. I am so frustrated with this, not to mention everything I had thought I was going to do this morning ... I did not do because of this "curveball" that I was not expecting, which also triggers the shit out of me because I HATE uncertainty and when shit does not go as planned.

    Then to annoy me further, my mom, whom I have told countless times... NOT to give my daughter her laptop continued to do so and now has a virus or malware that caused the startup disk to fail and not load, so I have been trying to figure out that crap. ALL I wanted to do today was work on my design for a shirt, I wanted to finish it because staying creative helps calm me and I can not even do that, which sucks.

    This is not the kind of mood I wanted to start this weekend with because tomorrow his parents are coming (making it worse, I'm sure), plus we have a medieval festival on Sunday... which I was personally kind of 1/2 excited about (love the time period and planned to dress up, etc.) but also 1/2 nervous as fuck about the guaranteed triggers there and Wade being extremely overwhelmed with all of the 'barely dressed' aka tits all-out eye candy there. Now with this shit going on between us, he is more likely to want to look at other women... I am sure of it, no matter how much he is going to deny and claim "it's not true!" - I won't buy it.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Even though I was in a really shitty mood, I still found something to be grateful for... music.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    This Is How You Can Train Your Mind To Do What You Want



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  14. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 607: 9/28/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Explanation here.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Teamwork.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked about the huge issue we had in the morning. He apologized again, also thanked me for my patience. I told him all of my thoughts, how he made me feel, why he ended up triggering me more and how him going into victim mode frustrated me even more.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “9 Great Tips On How To Have A Better Personality”, in this episode, we get 9 great tips on how to have a better personality. Those tips? 1. Be a better listener - engage, put the phone down, make eye contact, 2. Become more interesting - engaging and actively seeking out education and information, 3. Practice and adopt a more optimistic outlook on life - talk about positive things and look at things differently, 4. Be encouraging and supportive to others - people raise you up with positive energy, 5. Have integrity and treat people with respect, 6. Don't talk about people, make fun of other people, and gossip, 7. Don't be afraid to be yourself, 8. Have the ability to laugh at yourself, and 9. Do things that you need to do daily to facilitate your confidence - if you like what you see looking back in the mirror and know you bring value to the world, this confidence will transition to everything in your life. Remember, the most important kind of freedom is to be who you really are.

    This morning, we took the little one to the doctors, then ran a bunch of errands to prepare for his parent's arrival. I don't think Wade was overwhelmed when they came over. We had a decent time, no issues that I could think of. Then our neighbors down the halls told us that they were basically getting kicked out, like asap and Wade did a good deed and helped them fix a few things around the house. It's sad of course, to have your whole life suddenly uprooted and having to leave everything behind ... to start over in another state, it's sad and I really feel for them. There was a minor trigger today at the doctor's office, but I moved passed it quickly. Overall, today was a much better day than yesterday! Tomorrow... well I'm all nerves about it... so I guess we shall see.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: My mood was much better, even though I'm feeling under the weather.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How To Improve Your Personality



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  15. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 608: 9/29/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Explanation here.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Family Time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked about his parent's visit and the fact that it was not bad. He thinks; and I agree, that because these days both of us are aware and present at these get-togethers... we both know that the other is mentally there with us, to support and empathize with the other - that awareness reminds us, that no matter the situation, we are no longer "alone" with our true thoughts and emotions, which makes events easier to get through. He also brought up something that his dad said because it triggered some thoughts. He said him, his father and our little one were together, she did something to the door (peeled something), he said that he and his dad recalled when he was little and ripped a wallpaper, because for her his dad said it was no big deal and laughed it off but Wade remembered that when he did it as a kid, his dad got pissed, would punish him and even hit him with a belt. He said he remembers thinking he was always bad especially because his dad never countered any of that with telling him he is proud of him or that he loved him. He believes that all played a very big role in how he reacts when I confront him with something, instantly going into defensive mode. Then as we watched TV he finished my nails (a fab job! and I really appreciate his help) -- we've saved so much money this way, me not going to the salon for mani/pedi!!.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “For A More Peaceful Life Learn To Trust The Flow Of Life”, in this episode, we hear a great message from Dr. Wayne Dyer reminding us that peace comes when we learn to trust in the flow of life. Remember, take this idea that you have that you must be attached to things and apply to it the reality that you came here with nothing, and when you leave this great Earth you'll be leaving with nothing.

    This morning, we finished listening to "Zachary Levi: ON Growing from Depression" an interview with Jay Shetty, on his podcast, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Where Zachary Levi opens up about his personal struggles with depression, anxiety, and mental health. A really good exchange/point was this: "Jay: We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing..."Zachary: yes ... the point is of continuously having 'play' in our lives and being playful and being childlike, not childish...". Wade and I could really relate because luckily, we both have a lot of "geeky" things in common, keeping the childlike stuff acceptable in our lives and household. We were both okay with Dave and Busters as a Valentine's date... instead of the usual fancy dinner etc.

    Then, we all got ready and headed out to our local Medieval Festival. This year, all of us decided to dress up, ironically I use to be one of those people... you know someone who made fun of the ones who dressed up for events - because pre-healing/self-care, I would never dress up - I would feel too ashamed constantly wondering what others could be thinking about me. Now, things are different, I feel different and I finally get why people do it - it's fun. Wade was full of compliments about how my outfit turned out and I felt confident in what I was wearing, oglers were everywhere but I didn't let them ruin my mood or make me feel ashamed for dressing up. The girls got dressed up too... but Wade, he had the most fun with his outfit because he decided to go as Deadpool Renaissance Man LOL. I think his costume was a hit, he was like the belle of the ball because everyone was screaming out "look it's Deadpool!" "DEADPOOL!!!" and asking for photos constantly. There were quite a few triggers there for me after all this was a jampacked event and a lot of women had their boobs out on display and/or wearing really tight clothing/yoga pants. Luckily I had my grounding ring on and was able to roll or squeeze it as needed. I know Wade probably slipped a lot, chances are, he most likely ended up full-blown ogling because there were so many people and as I mentioned 'eye candy' for him there, I would imagine this sort of event/situation left him in a very difficult position in terms of self-control. It's like telling someone they can't eat sugar, then bringing them to a bakery. He was giving me a lot of compliments the whole time which felt great, but I have a feeling at times - it was to remove some of the guilt off of himself, for slipping or ogling. Hopefully, he will be honest and let me know what was really happening in his head tonight since we haven't had time to talk about it yet. Overall, the time was well spent, we had a fun day there, even with the triggers/issues. I just wish it didn't have to be this way, I wish I didn't have to be triggered, anxious or constantly in a state of worry - when all I really prefer is to dress up and have a good, thoughtless day of fun.

    Later tonight we have a kids birthday party to attend... I have a feeling that there will be a lot of triggering moms at this one, so... I'll be bringing my grounding ring here too, can't be safe anywhere, sadly.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Got through the festival without getting triggered up the wazoo.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Destroy Self Doubt



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 609: 9/30/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Explanation here.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning with Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked a little bit about the day at the festival and how I feel when I hear him telling me that I'm beautiful etc., that it is an odd thought/feeling because on the one hand I really love hearing it and makes me feel good... then on the other hand, it makes me think "is he just saying it because he has slipped or ogled and is guilt-ridden, so he is trying to relieve himself of that guilt? I don't know why my brain auto does that, that sort of thinking... I mean. Perhaps it is apart of the trigger, but I hope that with enough mental work, it will change. I want to believe him on this, I really do because I hate those triggers/thoughts... but I just am not used to him behaving, feeling or talking that way - after 12 years of the complete opposite, I guess a year is just not enough time to persuade my mind/internal gut. It's just weird, I am grateful for his changes though and I do see them [the changes], the effort he puts in, I feel the authentic love and connection... and I know that is significant, night and day really.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Break The Habit Of Procrastination”, in this episode, we get great tips from Isaiah Hankel on how to break the habit of procrastination and finally achieve our biggest goals in life. Remember, only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.

    This morning, my cold was running rampant so I couldn't walk. Instead, we ran some errands and picked up some meds for me too. While driving to and from places, we began listening to "Daniella Monet: ON Loving Your Body" an interview with Jay Shetty, on his podcast, On Purpose with Jay Shetty, so far, in my opinion, this isn't a "mind-blowing" one, but it's okay, she talks about looking at things positively and working to make healthy/vegan food for affordable to your average joe. We pre-booked a Brick or Treat event at Legoland, so we went there with our little one... the older one decided to stay home. We let the little one play, see a 4D movie, go on the rides and she had a blast - because she behaved so well, we even bought her a Lego brick set. Afterward, we went to have some lunch. There were triggers throughout, but nothing too big for me. I forgot my grounding ring, which sucked but I made due anyway. Overall it was a good day, especially because of the joy our little one had. She has been playing with her new lego's for hours, even opened the booklet and created all of those little creations by following the picture instructions... without any help! I'm impressed.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Enjoyed the family time today, happy to say I was completely present the whole time.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Focus On Yourself EVERY DAY



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2019
  17. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 610: 10/01/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked about various topics. He made me laugh from a quote incident, we've made it a thing to send each other quote memes - daily, last night we sent each other the same one. Then we spoke about how horrible I have been feeling (my cold)... and how this, like a few other things, make me feel like I am a lot less desirable to him and how it probably reminds him why other women are sexier. He told me none of that matters or affects him, it only reminds him that I'm human, that he continues to find me desirable and sexy, that it's all in my head... I dunno though - I see it differently. Then he took care of me by giving me an epic foot reflexology massage to help my nasal congestion, I think it actually worked too. When we were laying in bed, he was holding me so tight, I told him what was on my mind, that right now, being curled up in his arms made me feel protected and safe.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “12 Habits Successful People Have That You Can Develop Too”, in this episode, we learn about the 12 habits successful people have: 1. Waking Up Early, 2. Treating Failure Like Gold, 3. Ignoring Conformity, 4. Reading Everyday, 5. Spending Money, 6. Making Sacrifices, 7. Creative Writing, 8. Mild Procrastination, 9. Self-Improvement, 10. Networking, 11. Exercising Consistently, and 12. Daily Meditation. Remember, don't let your failures break you. Let them make you stronger.

    This morning, we continued listening to "Daniella Monet: ON Loving Your Body" an interview with Jay Shetty, on his podcast, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Daniella is an actress and has been since she was a child. She opens up about her personal struggles with family, body image, finding purpose, learning to love herself, and shows us how she’s been able to use the negative experiences in her life to inspire people around the world. Biggest takeaway? "Jay: someone asked me the question the other day, they've said Jay how do you stay detached from the result, like how do you stay detached from an expectation of 'how' something should go and I said that it's when you get to the degree that you're getting all of what you need from the process. To that degree you don't need it from a milestone or an end but if you're not getting any juice from the process, then you're gonna wait for that award, you're going to wait for the milestone, you're going to wait for the big day because you're not getting any happiness or joy, but if you're getting happiness and joy from the process then you're not looking for it anywhere else."

    Then we took the kids to the indoor playground/mall. Wade stayed with the girls in the play area and I was walking my rounds. I listened to a few random YouTube videos (Tony Robbins, Brene Brown, etc.) then turned on some tunes as I finished up. Wade and I were trading messages throughout, it was cute. I had a few minor triggers but nothing that knocked me off course. Then we met up for some Halloween shopping, there was a decent-sized trigger in there but I had my ring with me, which I have to say - helps a lot. We had a very caloric but delicious lunch. The rest of the day was laid back and chill... I also felt better after taking some medicine.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I felt better today, health-wise, so my mood was up.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    12 Shocking Habits of Successful People



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 611: 10/02/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke about various topics again, including my triggers at the mall and his slip. We spoke about a message I received from an SO, telling me that she just had another DDay, which came out of nowhere [for her] because she was readying to celebrate his one year clean. However, her PA had been lying about being off PM for months, lying to her, his sponsor and group the whole time. I told him how that is one of my biggest fears too, but he reminded me of somethings I had brought up all those times when I felt something was off (when he was lying to me) versus how things are between us now - he brought up all good points, made sense, but fears are still fears and sometimes they don't need current facts to surface. It was a good talk, as usual, we got a lot of thoughts and feelings out.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why It’s Important To Find Your Purpose In Life”, in this episode, Jim Rohn has a message on why it's important to find your purpose in life. Remember, when you know your purpose in life, you never need to be pushed toward it. Your passion for it will drive you to it.

    This morning, we finished listening to "Daniella Monet: ON Loving Your Body" with Jay Shetty, on his podcast, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Daniella is an actress and has been since she was a child. She opens up about her personal struggles with family, body image, finding purpose, learning to love herself, and shows us how she’s been able to use the negative experiences in her life to inspire people around the world. We went to a bigger park with a huge fishing lake because Wade really wanted to try fishing there (for a while now). His knee had been bothering him, so he wouldn't be able to walk with me anyway and to be honest, I don't really care where I walk, so long as I'm moving. During the ride there we finished the Daniella podcast, we also spoke about how no matter what we do, we feel connected these days - driving, shopping - it doesn't matter, nothing is a drag anymore, it's all enjoyable and connecting. The weather was on the warm side but it was okay because the location was by the water so there was a nice soft breeze from time to time. The walk was beautiful for sure, while I walked I finished listening to "The 6 Human Needs - Why We Do What We Do" by Tony Robbins. All I can say is WOW, this is a must-listen for any person, but especially for someone in healing or recovery, kind of puts some perspective on why we do, some of the things we do and how to change. Then I turned everything off, put away my phone and just walked while listening to nature, it was peaceful. As I approached Wade, I noticed that the tide was coming in and he apparently didn't realize that, so he was surrounded by water ... it was funny. He fished a little bit more and then we left, we talked about various things on the way back, like how the worst days of this recovery were still much better than our best days pre-recovery, it's weird but so true.

    Tomorrow is a big day for Wade and me - I'm totally nervous/scared and excited, all in one... fingers crossed that it won't be a total triggerfest for me.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: The feeling I had inside while watching the joy Wade had when he was in his element this morning.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    You May Not Know Your Purpose, But You Do Have One



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 612: 10/03/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we again talked about various topics. How being connected has changed everything for us and continues to do so, through all the highs and lows - it is still better than anything we've had before. We even ventured into some "what if" scenarios and pondered which would be worse, from the SO's side... having another D-Day two years into what one believes is "recovery/healing" OR the PA being clean and things going seemingly well, connecting, feeling loved, desired, safe and then the PA decides he loves her, but no longer desires her as a partner, but is clean/honest with her about it, but it's over. Both of us saw it differently, he believes a new D-Day is worse, for me... both are horrible but finally feeling safe, growing with someone, falling-in-love again, finally believing that 'yes! I am who he desires'... for him to then turn around and say, out of nowhere "I changed my mind, everything I had been saying to you for the past two years, everything you've begun to believe, well, I don't know what happened, but I changed my mind, sorry". Both scenarios are ones where the SO had been lied to again, living under deception, but finally feeling safe and living in honesty, to get the rug pulled out from under you... it would be devastating. Then, we went to watch some TV, he was in too much pain to give me a foot rub, which was fine with me. I took the lotion and applied it myself and since I already got my hands greasy, I began giving myself a rub. After we laid down, he told me that while I was doing that - he was filling up with shame about it all, even considering jumping in and doing it anyway, even through pain even though he knew I wasn't doing this as a test or to provoke him. And I wasn't, my feet legitimately were killing me from the walk that morning, I walked a lot and in humidity, so I wanted to moisturize my feet so they wouldn't get messed up and I explained that to him but he said he knows all that but still couldn't stop the shame from coming over. I guess it kind of works like triggers for me...

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “10 Remarkable Characteristics We Are Sure To See In Every True Leader”, in this episode, Dr. Myles Munroe talks about the characteristics all true leaders have in common. Remember, true leaders, don't create more followers - they create more leaders.

    This morning, we were getting ready to go to NYCC and I was already on pins and needles over the event in general. I decided to go as a Steampunk Rogue (X-Men) and used Halloween temporary spray to color some of my hair (two white streaks). However, those white streaks came out like faded gray strands on my dark hair, even though we wasted the entire canister. When I saw myself in the mirror - that's when shit hit the fan. All I could think was "fucking great, not only did I already have a steep uphill battle to compete for Wade's attention at Con with all those 'hot' half-naked chicks as it were... now I look a gazillion times worse than I normally would have and old as hell to boot". I began going into a complete tailspin, I lost all my excitement and I didn't want to go anywhere. Wade saw me losing my shit, he quickly jumped in and begin trying to calm me down (take me from 100 back down to at least 55 lol) and coming up with different remedies and solutions for me... he even offered to just say 'screw the money, let's just stay home'. Him just pointing that out gave me some peace of mind/certainty, I knew that if I hated how I would look after washing out that gray, we could just not go and that was okay. It kind of threw me back into some sense of rationale. He also kept telling me that he only wants me, he doesn't care about who else will be there, that no matter who, what, where - no one else matters to him. That he finds me beautiful and sexy, all he can think about is me and only I give him 'tingles'. He talked me off the ledge today and I believe it really did make a difference, we ended up going and I was in a much better mood by the time we got in the car.

    Once we finally got in the car and headed out for NYCC, I was in a better mood (music on the way helped) but I still felt anxious about all of the potential triggers I was about to endure. Overall, we had a good time, there were some triggers for me, my grounding ring was a saving grace. Something else that helped was Wade not acting jumpy/fidgety around anyone. He has had a tendency; sometimes, when there are women around that, let's just say... make both of us uncomfortable, he starts talking fast, jumping from topic to topic, grabs me quickly to take me in another direction, makes quick and sudden movements -- all things I do pick up on, especially when I also see who's around (and it all clicks). This time he did not any of that, which I also noticed and it did put me at ease, it made an already tense situation a bit easier on me. He was full of compliments toward me, he did have some slips but claims none were ogles and he did not have any urges, dunno if he really understands the true difference between a "slip" and and ogle though, it's debatable as we differ in opinion on it apparently. Anyway, I felt really good in my costume, confident and ended up getting a lot of attention from the male species, definitely picked up on that. We had fun moments that -- had we stayed home, we'd never have to add to our memories... like to win a glow in the dark plushie for our little one, the host asked for someone to show him a pin, first person to do it wins, mine was holding together the top of my corset LOL so when I began pointing I was pointing at my boobs which probably confused him but he then had to get up, close and personal to confirm it really was a pin, the crowd was cracking up - so were we. Then there was a booth offering a free new up and coming comic book series, Wade and I grabbed one, he began walking away but for some reason, I looked up and noticed who was publishing this comic, and to our surprise... it was "Impact Theory", both of us got really excited! we started talking up one of the Impactivists at the booth, which was fun, we instantly connected with him - too bad Tom wasn't there today, we would have loved to meet him and let him know just how grateful we are for his content. We took all the photo ops we could, walked around and looked at all the cool stuff (that we couldn't afford LOL) and we got to mingle with our favorite artist Greg Horn, bought some beautiful prints too. On the way back we reflected about our day, his slips, my triggers and how it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Overall, we had a good time together, we were connected the entire time and made some new memories that are now apart of our history/shared experiences.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I enjoyed NYCC, even with some triggers.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Alan Watts - Control Your Money, Control Your Mind



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  20. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 613: 10/04/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Awesome Comforter.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Yesterday, we talked about our day at NYCC (pretty much everything both of us discussed in our journals). We watched some TV and he gave me a relaxing foot rub and backrub. During the back rub, we continued talking and I told him how I was really trying to rewrite my train of thoughts, on how I'm preparing 'for the worst' when it comes to this upcoming cruise. To try and think 'maybe it won't be that bad and there is no reason to be this stressed over it, because so far, the anxiety leading up to the event is far worse then the event turns out to be'... which is, of course, easier to think about, when I am not triggered. I guess we will see if I can overpower the negative thoughts, the more I do it.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Have A Better Life By Raising Your Standards”, in this episode, we have an inspiring message on having a better life by raising your standards. Remember, raise your standards and the universe will meet you there.

    This morning, we started listening to "The Key to Abundance and Success" an interview with Lisa Nichols, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Lisa Nichols is a motivational speaker who has inspired millions through her seminars and her role as a featured teacher in The Secret. She is also the founder of Motivating the Masses and CEO of Motivating the Teen Spirit, LLC. In this interview, Lisa and Lewis discuss the concept of “abundance”. Most people think of wealth, security, not having to worry about where your money is coming from, etc. But Lisa believes in another side of abundance, which comes only when you cultivate an 'abundant mindset'. She made a lot of interesting and inspiring points, she had a difficult life and overcame a lot of hardships, which is what led her to become the person she is today. Wade had a doctors appointment this morning, I am glad I went with him because this particular doctor is such a condescending asshole, so I feel like he [Wade] needed the emotional support LOL. Both of us couldn't wait for that appointment to end, so we can get our day started. Afterward, we went to Dave and Buster's so we could have a day date of gaming without kids in toe. Unfortunately for me, I forgot my grounding ring... and of course our waitress at D&B was a trigger. Wade tried to talk me through it and make his case on why she doesn't affect him and all he can think about is me... but I just don't know. After a while, the trigger did settle down a bit, we had a really fun time together playing all sorts of games, winning tickets and feeling like we are teenagers that were dropped off at a mall for a day of fun haha. I love our day dates like this, they don't really cost much and yes, perhaps they are kind of childish, but it's something we both love and enjoy. I just wish triggers weren't always apart of all these experiences, all the damn time.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I was able to get passed my trigger and enjoyed my time with Wade.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    DO WHAT IS NEEDED



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2019
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