Loneliness - How and Where to Meet New People?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by SkateDamian, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. SkateDamian

    SkateDamian New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone, hope everyone is doing well. I am currently over a month on this streak. I don’t keep track of the days, I noticed I sort of naturally forgot what day I’m on and I don’t ever really think of whatever day I’m on because truthfully, it doesn’t matter.

    I would say the past month and whatever amount of days has been life changing to an extent. One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed is my desire to connect with people and actually become intimate with a real woman. This desire can actually become overwhelming a lot of the time. I’ve considered going back onto dating apps but I never go through with it because of the damage that could bring on. That’s how desperate I am for connection and intimacy. I’m 22 and I’ve never had a relationship that was actually successful and I’ve never had sex either. Another problem I’ve noticed is it’s difficult trying to not focus on getting a girlfriend or having sex when you’re 22, never had sex or a succesfull relationship, especially when most of your friends have.

    As a teen, I was actually very social and I firmly believed I was a pretty chill dude. I had a good amount of friends and gave off a good vibe. I remember friends telling me they were surprised I was a virgin! But then things changed, I believe I became more awkward and possibly even developed some social anxiety. Another thing I noticed is this desire for connection and intimacy has actually helped lifted that social anxiety. And now I think I’m actually returning to that chill laid back persona I had years back.

    My question is where can I meet new people? Men and women. I would like to gain more friends but I also love to have a loving relationship. The sex will be great when it comes but just wow, I really desire that connection with a women, on a emotional level. I work full time at a grocery store and I’m actually going back to college later this month so I’m really excited for that. I also recently started going back to the gym. I have some things going for me which is great but I need to get around this loneliness because it causes emotional pain a lot of the time.
     
  2. This is a positive development. Keep it going with your streak. As for meeting people, just get out there more and interact with people without any expectations or agendas. Don't try to "get a girlfriend" or whatever, just generally socialize and keep things open for possible developments. Some possibilities are: take a class at the local community college, join a book club, volunteer somewhere, start doing some outdoor sports, go to a museum. I would advise against going to bars/clubs for this kind of thing - they're loud and people are drunk and stupid there.

    When you're talking with people, don't try to impress them with your life or whatever, just take a genuine interest in them and what they're doing. Maybe you'll find a shared interest and you can talk about that, see where it leads. Maybe you'll make a new friend, or even a girlfriend, or maybe not. Don't put too much stock in any single interaction with anyone. Just spend more time getting comfortable talking to other people and when you hit dead-end conversations (happens to everyone) just move on with a smile and keep building experience socializing.
     
    tet2vd likes this.
  3. I noticed the same thing too when I stopped watching porn. Lmao, I never cared about having friends or a girlfriend for that matter until I started NoFap. It's biologically healthy for anyone to want to be around someone, anyways. I have the same loneliness issue too. Keep going, man. Keep up the good fight!
     
  4. Porn makes us oblivious to our problems in life. That desire and that fire you have inside you is healthy, bro. That's masculinity. You're never settling for less and you want an intimate relationship with a beautiful woman. Don't give up. Your life is a gift.
     
  5. At least people didn't laugh at you for being a virgin. That's what happened at the community college I went to. You know how to make a good circle of friends. I think as long you continue to do NoFap and surround yourself with positive people, you're going to do great.
     

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