Hey all, I'm new here. Over the last 17 days I have gone through hell. Some backstory: I've been with him for 6 years. He lost his virginity to me. Immediately after he told me that a girl he was friends with at the time was the girl he cheated on his previous gf with. I made it clear - if she was in his life I wouldn't be. He accepted that and we moved forward. My SO has always had an issue with PMO, though he never admitted it. Over the last 6 years that we've been together it's caused a lot of problems, similar to many stories I've read on here. ED, lying, diminished self esteem, you name it. The last straw for me was 17 days ago. I woke up in the middle of the night to him watching porn and masturbating beside me while I slept. There was a blow up. I almost left him and cancelled our engagement. I couldn't do it anymore. Took a step back, got advice from a friend and realized he would never react to my anger and sadness. I laid the facts out: this is not normal use, this is compulsive behavior, and you are hurting me, lying, and sneaking around. I don't want a marriage like that. So he decided to start NoFap. Things seemed to be improving. We talk every day, he lets me check up and has no problem with me snooping. He installed a website blocker. Last night I found out that he deleted a recent conversation with the friend from the beginning of the story. He denied it, got angry and we both blew up. Again. Later he calmed down enough to admit that he apologized to her for being a bad friend and this conversation only happened (and was deleted) so he could move forward with me. Clean slate. No lingering guilt or anything to do with PMO, that triggering friendship, or anything that would disrespect my boundaries. I just can't shake the deleted conversation and my gut isn't sure if I can trust the "clean slate" explanation. I've been lied to so much and made out to be a villain, when I knew I was right (every time there was a discovery of his PMO habits getting bad). How do you move on? How do you trust again? I am trying so hard, but I just don't know.