First of, the week has been a mess, normal life mess (not pmo/betrayal trauma) but still exhausting. Alot of nights with little sleep, partner working alot. He also had an after work thing in the middle of the week, so for almost 2 days it was just me and the little one. And I can say this much, moms that raises kids alone are heroes. Being a single parent for a few days was like a marathon filled with poop and screams. But we made it through that, but yea thats the main reason I havnt posted anything lately. Also mom was here over the weekend, and i took the chanse to get out of the house with her during Friday. We went to the nearest town to look for winter boots for my daugther, had amazing food to eat. And yea generally it was nice to get out, dress up a bit and be more then a stay at home mom in sweatpants. We also did a trip on Saturday, with my partner to a town a bit further away. And even if it was pouring down rain it was nice and cozy. Also good food on that trip...eating something else then macaroni and sausage is a good change. Right now it's more or less the only approved food by my daugther. So to the more real issues: I have made what I feel is a solid plan for myself. I have applied for nursing school, when I learned that I could read that in a town only 20 minutes away it sounded really fun. And after talking with the student counselor I also know that it is manageable to do while I stay home with my daugther, at least the first semester. It's mostly gona be theory then, and i can read and watch lectures from home. I just have to be good at dedicating enough time for it. But since I allready have a degree in archeology, I'm used to higher education and would say that i got a decent study technique. As a plan B, if i don't get in on the first try I got a meeting with the community College here in town tomorrow. To talk about reading up to become a certified caregiver. It would take me to the summer I think, also doable with being home with my daugther. And then I can retake I have no idea what to call it, but I guess its equal somewhat to the SAT? Here it works as a secound chanse at getting in to university, you can either get in based on grades or on that test. And i had one with good score, but its outdated so I would need to do it again. And yea then reapply to the nursing school. Being independent, or more precisely being able to support myself and my daugther by myself is important. Regardless if things work out between me and my partner or not. It would to some degree get that sence of freedom that I want and feel like i don't have. Like finances wouldn't be the thing that keeps me trapped at least. Regarding our relationship he seems to be doing good, which I find unsettling. Things never goes good normaly, I just havnt found the new loophole yet. So yea I can admit to being very untrusting when it comes to hes progress. But the fact that things seems better he is very pushy on me, and even if things really are better I'm not ready for all that. This stresses me quite a bit and gives me anxiety, I want to set the pace and not be pushed. And really he should know by now that pushing me is not the way to go. It doesn't give him what he's after and sooner or later i will lash out becouse i feel cornerd. Lastly depression wise I feel better, but I think that has alot to do with moms visit. She always cheers me up, so im scared that this will fade away now that she has gone home. When its back to reality and normal exhausting days. But we will see. I think this ended up being a fairly long post, guess that is what happens when you dont post for a few days.