Permanent damage from edging advice please

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Help905, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. Help905

    Help905 Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been edging for about the last 2 years and it’s been for about 1-3 hours each time. I’ve cut it down more than usual lately. Something I’ve noticed is that even though I am 19 years old I have very low libido. I only get urges when I look at triggers. I’ve started fapping since I was around 11 and I never ever had problems until I started edging which was in about 2016. I feel like it has ruined my life. I’ve been suffering from heavy depression and anxiety ever since then. My libido is practically gone, no morning wood, losing tons of hair, etc. Can edging be the cause of my low libido. Even after abstaining for a week from PMO I still feel like shit and don’t have libido.

    Something I noticed only like twice in the past few months is that I edged and then like 2 days later I’d PMO without edging and my sex drive would return to normal and my life would be normal for about a week then I’d enter a sort of flatline. But it’s not every time I edge that it happens it’s very weird but i don’t know what it is. Basically whenever my libido is back to normal I feel normal it’s directly Linked to my quality of life. I usually have no libido even after abstaining for a week as I said earlier, is this from edging or can it be a medical issue? I had an ACTH test for my hormones and the doctor said it was normal except for quite high DHEA which i don’t think affects sex drive. Testosterone is also normal so idk.


    I feel like my brain is permanently damaged from the constant dopamine that it was flushed in for hours. Even when I don’t edge and just do normal PMO I still have no libido so idk what to do anymore.


    When I’m not in the normal state that I talked about earlier, I’m depressed, fatigued, very dizzy when standing, extremely socially awkward, face looks dull and lifeless and same with hair, trouble with memory, and no libido. My uncles wedding is this weekend and I can’t stand the thought of going while being in this state I just want it to end. I want my life back from when I was 15. I think my brain is ruined from edging so please if you can learn from me never edge no matter what. If anybody can give me any advice I’d really appreciate it. Sorry for the long post.
     
  2. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    You have to have to have to quit PMO-edging mate. My life is completely ruined, probably because of it. I've been doing it since around 2015 and been PMOing since I was 11. I am 27 now and my symptoms are like acute benzodiazepine withdrawal (look up stories on www.benzobuddies.org). I am still not sure porn-edging is the cause, but no doctor can find anything not even the psychiatrist. I'm completely fine they say. Well hell no I'm not.

    Please quit edging. I started tapering since last month, I would advice you do the same. I tried cold turkey before and coulnd't handle (what I think were) the withdrawals that came around week 5. This happened twice already, so I am tapering now.

    I jumped from 2, 3, 4 sometimes 6, 7, 8 hours per session almost daily now to 45 mins every day. I will try to stabalize a bit and then go with 10% down each couple weeks so that would be 6-8 month taper. This is considered fast in the benzo withdrawal community.

    Please, if anything DON'T GO KINDLING. I acknowledge your symptoms are hell but do not underestimate how much worse they can get.

    I hope you will quit edging safely so they don't have to put you on psych drugs, cause that will make your story even more complicated.

    I don't want to scare you and healing is certainly gonna happen if you quit so there's no permanent damage from PMO edging.
    But you know, I actually want to scare you off a bit because this shits real.

    Keep updating about your progress :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2019
  3. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    PS: do you also have DP/DR?
    Just asking cause I saw your post has a "depersonalization" tag on it
     
  4. Help905

    Help905 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your response it’s good to know I’m not alone, yes I do have depersonalization and derealization. Sometimes I feel like the last 3 years of my life have been a blur. I sit in a room full of people and just feel awkward and feel like I’m in a dream. The one thing I can’t understand is how I felt completely back to normal after edging those 2 times. My life was back and then taken away from me again only after a few days. I’m about to start the 90 days for real this time. I don’t think I’ve ever made it past maybe 10 days. I feel like I won’t be seeing any recovery from just 90 days. I feel like the 90 days are for people who still have a sex drive and are somewhat normal when starting. I think it’s gonna be a dark couple of months for me if I can even make it..
     
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  5. Help905

    Help905 Fapstronaut

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    What is kindling btw?
     
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  6. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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  7. Help905

    Help905 Fapstronaut

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    Is it in regards to quitting and relapsing again with edging or also regular PMO where you finish quickly?

    Thanks, hope you get well soon as well man
     
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  8. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man.

    Both. It's edging thats been doing the most damage to us probably. But PMO in itself can also make peoples life miserable.
     
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  9. ArduousPath

    ArduousPath Fapstronaut

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    Is it the sort of dizziness where you feel like being pushed from side to side?
     
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  10. Help905

    Help905 Fapstronaut

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    Not really, it’s more like I’m about to pass out
     
  11. uiop2

    uiop2 Fapstronaut

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    It's not permanent, don't worry. You just have to get through that phase of discomfort, no matter how bad it can be because it's a learning process. The more you resist the urge, the more you are gonna learn from that and it is gonna help you the next time you get another one. We usually give up after experiencing the weight of the situation, the pressure, the anxiety, low mood even for days or weeks as a way to not think about it and bury it but if we keep burying our feelings instead of listen to them where are we gonna go?
    To really get out of it we need to face our emotions or there's no way out.
     
  12. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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  13. Man I can really sympathise with the dizziness for me it was like a low blood pressure dizziness where my vision suddenly turned to black for a few seconds. It definitely is a withdrawal symptom and I dont get them no more at all. Stop the porn altogether.
     
  14. ArduousPath

    ArduousPath Fapstronaut

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    Good to hear that you've recovered from it. How long did it take to get rid of it?
     
  15. Well I had them earlier in recovery and whilst I was relapsing on and off so it seemed to me to of been a symptom that started earlier off. I cant put an exact number but I'd say around 8 months mate. I've had one or two episodes since but nothing like before when it was more frequent. Apparently low dopamine causes it as well.
     
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  16. ArduousPath

    ArduousPath Fapstronaut

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    8 months wow, that sounds like a high amount but I guess long timers need way more than 90 days to recover. I've recently had this feeling where I feel like I'm floating in an ocean while lying on the bed eyes closed, but when I open them it goes away. Resting for an hour or two takes care of it. Thank you for the response.
     
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  17. Yea 90 days is nothing for people who relapse over once in withdrawal. If you caught this problem really early then 90 days is marvellous but for people who severely abused porn 90 days is a stepping stone in the right direction I felt hardly anything then.

    I have floating motions as well, myoclonic jerks, spasms, twitches all throughout recovery its totally normal.
     
  18. ArduousPath

    ArduousPath Fapstronaut

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    My right eyelid/eyebrow is twitching like mad right now and I've been staying off the screens lately. Sometimes the same goes for my left eye.
     
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  19. I have honestly had a left upper eyelid twitch for years on and off. Even when I was 16 I developed it then when I was watching porn like a fucking mad man. It has come and gone throughout my recovery and is hardly here no more so what does that tell ya? It's absolutely insane the amount of many symptoms this shit creates.
     
  20. ArduousPath

    ArduousPath Fapstronaut

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    I've had this twitching on/off for years as well. I've also noticed that when I've PMO'd my eyes become bloodshot and I have more eye floaters in my vision.
     

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