Rock Bottom - help

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Transcendent, Jun 21, 2019.

  1. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    I know straight effeminate men and "manly" gay men. PMO is bad for all of them equally.

    Sexual identity and gender expression are of far less importance than we tend to give them these days. None of it affects who you truly are -- and you are far more than your orientation or your gender or how you look or move your hands when you talk. I have it on the highest authority that you are greatly loved, just as you are, whoever and whatever that may be.

    Part of your journey out of PMO will be uncovering and grappling with the reasons you turned to it in the first place. Some of that will have to do with your identity and how you view yourself. It will be quite an adventure! Better days are ahead, if you will leave PMO behind. I am cheering you on toward that end, and toward a better kind of life!
     
  2. Transcendent

    Transcendent Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the words. I will abstain from PMO, it will definitely help me.
     
    jo_nthnx, Rebooter45674 and Tao Jones like this.
  3. uiop2

    uiop2 Fapstronaut

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    For sure those events traumatized you somehow, when we grow up we interiorize everything that happens around us, we are like sponges. Over the years you created some defensive mechanisms to cope with the situation but lots of the unanswered questions, mixed feelings you went through rest in the unconscious. Plus people with ocd are insecure, fragile by nature and usually have a good memory. Always questioning everything they do (so am i too) but rarely talking about it with the others, they keep everything inside so they start believing what their mind tells them overestimating it all.
    Many people aren't even aware of the damage they can cause on a child who's growing up acting that way and who's forming his ideas, his behaviour and his future life basing on what happens around him and how he's treated by others.
    Maybe try to relax, close your eyes and instead of attacking your thoughts just look at them and try to retrace what caused them. But keep in mind that's an involuntary mechanism, even if you find your answers you might be dealing with this discomfort again. Cause it's something that scares you so your primitive brain for some reasons is convinced that you might be in danger and that something bad can happen to you so it reacts this way. And because you felt this way lots of time it's something that goes by default.
     
  4. uiop2

    uiop2 Fapstronaut

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    But you're scared of being like that so i tell you that it is never gonna happen. Right now, in the exact moment you're reading this you already are the person you wanna be. Ok you're having these perpetual doubts, guilty feelings but they are not you. They don't belong to you. Other people put them in your brain so they belong to them, not you. Remember that.
     
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  5. Transcendent

    Transcendent Fapstronaut

    Thanks @uiop2 for everything. It was the first time I said these things to someone. I've always been ashamed of it being a problem in my life, and I never thought I'd share it with anyone. Even here in this forum, anonymously, somehow I feel better. To speak all this here was as if I were face to face with my greatest fear, as if I finally accepted that I am going through this and that all this problem is real. I could no longer stand and hide from this problem that I face every day. Thank you to all of you who helped me during one of the worst days of my life.
     
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  6. uiop2

    uiop2 Fapstronaut

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    Glad i helped you to feel "lighter" :) cause i know what it feels like to keep all of this shame and guilt and uncertainty inside of you, it gets heavier day by day and you need to get rid of it asap. It clouds your judgements, your real self, your will to live and enjoy this life and become a considerable weight to carry!
    Running helps me a lot, i make sure to get tired enjoying the outside. It relieves the stress like a few other things for me!
     
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  7. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    It was here where I started talking about it really and it helped me to face all that embarrassing shameful stuff of mine. Reading stories here, such as yours, replying, is still confronting me with my reality at the same time feeling I am not alone. Belonging has always been an issue for me. To attach importance to my self always made me feel uncomfortable. But maybe it‘s not so much about me, it‘s about us, our stories, the sharing, supporting each other, regardless of gender, age, orientation, not judging ... simply facing the facts and respecting the deep deep desire for change cause in our hearts we‘re loving beings and it starts (for me) above all with loving yourself. Love is not because ... love is even though ... even though I am behaving like ... even though I did ... even though ... I am worthy of love and belonging.
    I never meant to harm anyone. What I realized and was at the core of my sadness was to realize the one I harmed the most was myself.
    The good thing is YOU can change that. Give yourself time here, talk and give your story a voice.
     
    Transcendent, uiop2 and Ethan1982 like this.
  8. Ethan1982

    Ethan1982 Fapstronaut

    Hi @Transcendent
    welcome to nofap and thank you for sharing our story. i just want to share a few thoughts.
    i am gay and i can tell you i also had difficulties with my orientation when i was in my twenties.
    i often thought: "maybe i am straight?" but i wasn't at all. i also watched straight porn, but i was not straight. so don't care about that. Maybe your issue with gayporn is just a symbol of ultra-masculinity for you? a symbol for being accepted as a man by a man?
    it is really unfair from your family to talk about you or to you in that manor. don't listen to that.
    Listen to your heart. free yourself.
    Try to watch out for things which are in harmony with you. Try to see good things in your life and in your environment (not only other guys with girls, etc.). start to notice the beautiful things you like. be kind to yourself, list the good things about yourself and your personality. be more aware of your efforts, and goals you've accomplished.
    reach goals in small steps (Kaizen method).
    try to meditate, it will help to calm your self and see yourself in a different way fom within.
     
  9. maps

    maps Fapstronaut

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    https://moodsmith.com/hocd/
    Here you go , it will make you feel better for sure . that is what you have - HOCD. what you are experiencing are "intrusive thoughts". I can write many things on this topic but she explains it the best.
    read what I sent.
     
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  10. Rebooter45674

    Rebooter45674 Fapstronaut

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    From your answers and your descriptions, it seems like Porn Escalation. Humilation porn is really Toxic, makes you hurt your selfesteem the most. Just stop watching PORN and do share what happens...other then that going to a therapist may be an option...but go after you try no pmo...
     
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  11. Rebooter45674

    Rebooter45674 Fapstronaut

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    There are feminine straight men
    Have met atleast 2 in mylife
     
    Transcendent likes this.
  12. Rebooter45674

    Rebooter45674 Fapstronaut

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    Well said. I too tend to internalize everything and overestimate the consequences of an action. I am very self conscious person and yet was into humiliation and other fucked up stuff. This combination is DISASTAROUS.
    I have started to open up to people (trusted ones) from last 2 to 3 years and had made considerable improvements at least with level of my internalisation. I am a bit facing a set back due to my stupid revisit to P (on 11 day of reboot now) but having people to share some level of anything without being judged...helps a lot, I have talked about my P addiction with some of my friends.. not everything but some bits... as some things are quite embarrassing... some made fun of it... some understood... Helps a lot! And there is this platform, where you are not judged... builds confidence and restores self esteem up to a certain degree .... its always good to know you r not alone
     
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  13. Rebooter45674

    Rebooter45674 Fapstronaut

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  14. Transcendent

    Transcendent Fapstronaut

    Hey @Rebooter45674 I'm much better. In this last week I tried to spend some time with some friends, I am trying to meditate, to exercise and to improve my diet. I also started reading about OCD to better understand what happens to me. And of course, I'm abstaining from PMO, and I think that's the most important thing that made me feel better. I am still far from being a hundred percent well, but only to have left the depressive mood in which I was when I wrote this thread is already a great victory. I am really determined to make a radical change in my life, I no longer want to be held hostage by fear and insecurity. I've come to the conclusion that I do not have to fear anything, I'm taking the time to find out who I really am. Thanks for everything, man.
     
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  15. Transcendent

    Transcendent Fapstronaut

    Thanks @maps, that sure helped me a lot. I also read more about OCD, and found that in addition to intrusive thoughts I also have other compulsions. I want to seek help from a specialist to handle this.
     
  16. Transcendent

    Transcendent Fapstronaut

    I'm abstaining from PMO to find out who I really am. The way we label ourselves should not be our focus, what really matters is feeling good about yourself, and that's what I'm looking for. Thanks for the help, my friend. I went through bad times in childhood and adolescence, but I can not let it destroy my future.
     

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