I was in a similar situations as yours a few years ago and the way I finally started to rise from my misery and despair wasn't too complicated after all (and I had been PMO:ing for fifteen years at that point). It first required some self-ramification which was painful but necessary because if I had never seen myself as the cause of most of my ills and misfortunes, I would have had zero incentive for self-improvement. Then, I decided to change all of this and take some action one step at a time, even if it would take time and be very hard, I knew this was the better option. The other alternative (returning to self-pity and victimization) was not any better and thus not even considerable. At the end of the following year (11 months later), I stopped watching porn as part of my self-improvement journey and two months later, I stopped fapping as well. Here I am today, feeling better, easy-going, more joyful and prosperous than ever. Although, I am still rebooting after 18 months of hard-mode (a process that will take years), I am many steps closer to living the life I really want and just feeling great overall, despite being single and in-between two jobs/occupations and the uncertainty it means.