Emptiness

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ProdigalSon74, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I was in a similar situations as yours a few years ago and the way I finally started to rise from my misery and despair wasn't too complicated after all (and I had been PMO:ing for fifteen years at that point). It first required some self-ramification which was painful but necessary because if I had never seen myself as the cause of most of my ills and misfortunes, I would have had zero incentive for self-improvement.
    Then, I decided to change all of this and take some action one step at a time, even if it would take time and be very hard, I knew this was the better option. The other alternative (returning to self-pity and victimization) was not any better and thus not even considerable. At the end of the following year (11 months later), I stopped watching porn as part of my self-improvement journey and two months later, I stopped fapping as well.
    Here I am today, feeling better, easy-going, more joyful and prosperous than ever. Although, I am still rebooting after 18 months of hard-mode (a process that will take years), I am many steps closer to living the life I really want and just feeling great overall, despite being single and in-between two jobs/occupations and the uncertainty it means.
     
  2. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    That is what I want for my life. Just not sure how to get myself started.
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  3. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    I understand your reply. And good you for only wanting to be honest with your future partner. However, I don’t think telling a girl something that heavy at the start is a good idea. I think you should try to establish a more intimate connection first before getting into the heavy things. I think getting a good streak going before really looking for a girlfriend is best but I’ll still support you.

    I think your big issue here is that you don’t know what you want right now. Could you try sitting down and thinking about it, ask yourself this question. If I were not afraid of rejection at all how would I live my life ? What kind of person would I be ? And what would I be doing ? Asking those questions could help you. Maybe sit down with yourself without distractions and really think about it.
     
  4. quit@porn

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

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    Hi bro,
    I dont know if am in right position to tell you about how to make friends. Because I myself don't have many but I have few but well trusted and countable one's.

    First and foremost it's natural the way you are feeling to have people and to hang out and all.
    But my own observation is that friends are not made only for the sake of making friends.
    People are automatically attracted to like minded people and they automatically become friends.

    So first I would say dont run away chase someone for making friends.
    Be as you are because that is the best way to be comfortable with ourself and to be accepted by other people.
    Most of the time we keep on critising ourselves xomparing ourselves and end up chasing everything and become nothing.

    You might have observed that people with purpose are most enegetic and most acceptable ( generally) because they are driven by themselves.

    Solance is difficult to achieve from outside.
    If you don't have many friends then don't worry it really doesn't matter a lot. But be comfortable with yourself try to understand yourself.

    I know these things seem to be vague but, these things are like this only.

    I would suggest
    Try to do some meditation for 10-15 min for contemplation and peace.
    Do daily exercises 30 min
    Make to do list of small small things ( these things really make one happy)
    And read something that will chanalize you. ( man who sold his Ferrari, man search for meaning, sapiens etc you must read someone who you admire their autobiography are best source of inspiration.)
    Keep doing these things you will yourself find path and wheel will start rolling then friends and all these things comes automatically.

    Hope for best and leave the rest.

    If anything of this doesn't work on you then remember one thing you just Hold On.

    Don't give up, time specially the worst time realt passes away and you will then cherish the deep thoughts and valuable things this time have taught you.

    Best luck bro.
     
    Espi1971 and ProdigalSon74 like this.
  5. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    I wouldn’t necessarily say it at the start. The idea is for us to get to know each other so that when I do eventually tell her (and I will have to) ;there can be a level of understanding that doesn’t necessarily create a lack of trust, but rather a more intimate connection that puts everything up front. Basically I don’t want there to be and assumptions or make her think I’m just some sort of perv.
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  6. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    I like your mindset going into this predicament. My opinion is that if you foster that kind of connection with a woman that is based on authenticity then she should most likely be somewhat who is understanding of your pmo addiction or past addiction. I’ve actually found that most girls (except the stuck up non understandable ones) are supportive or just don’t care at all.
     
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  7. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    The best way to get started is to develop a good self-discipline and in order to do so, I suggest you start changing your bad habits, one at a time. It doesn't matter if it's such a minor thing in the beginning as reducing your junk-food intake from 5-6 times/week to 2-3 times/week to zero or decreasing the hours of video-game played from 12 hours to 5-6 hours to 1-2 hours, etc.
    All grand and radical lifestyle changes to the better starts with those little babysteps in the beginning.
    That's what I did after that bitter and painful self-ramification process three years ago. The first few things I decided to do after it was to improve my body language and stop self-pitying, complaining and not watch porn. The latter wasn't too hard after all since I came across a dude (in my extended social circle) who was just as perverted as I was (if not more so) and then comprehended that he was my perfect mirror-reflection and that exact person I didn't want to be.
     
  8. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    I am attempting those things. However it is difficult to stay the course.
     
  9. quit@porn

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

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    Keep going... Everyone on this forum is attempting to rise up...... Don't give up...

    You may not succeed to the extend to rise up and grow mend yourself but the thought of improving yourself might rissen you up than where you were before.

    So keep going bro... We are all struggling at different levels but do that give up
     
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  10. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Have a vision of where you want to go and what it feels like when you're there. The road to success, personal freedom and true independence always start with those baby steps.
    Write down what goals you want to achieve at the end of week/month/year/future etc, visualize them and always have them in your mind during your journey towards them!
     
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  11. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    I may do that
     
  12. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    Today was an ok day. Tried to get up and get the day started with vigor. Talked to some people here and there. Still looking to do more.
     
  13. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    Didn't do as mush as I wanted today. Procrastination is one of my bigger obstacles
     
  14. dreamer81

    dreamer81 Fapstronaut

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    Man..you are describing exactly what I feel..

    I cannot connect with people. With anyone.
    Not even my family.

    I think we need therapy
     
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  15. VDUB

    VDUB Fapstronaut

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    OP, I feel the same way. I do think that it is depression. It presents itself in many ways.

    You can do many things to mitigate it, get a pet for example or go to a therapist (Christian if needed). They created anti depressants for a reason, they truly can work and get you to a place where you can move forward.

    I once heard it as, the therapy/anti depressant drug is the thing that helps you get to the playing field of life from the sidelines when we cant do it alone.

    I also think its normal to feel a bit empty when you first give up porn. Its a major part of your life and you must fill that void with something positive.
     
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  16. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    I don't believe I'm clinically depressed. I'm just in a negative position in my life right now. Porn addiction can put you and a drained, irritable state that makes you angry and depressed like any other addiction.
     
  17. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    Sorry its been a while; been busy. Today has been somewhat solitary. I slept in late (which I've been trying to avoid) and spent the rest of the day working. Relapse is still occurring, but I'm to letting it get to me. that' being said, today would have been nice to spend with someone.
     
  18. renewing

    renewing Fapstronaut

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    Try with the book Zero Limits. Emptiness is not nothingness. Quantum Healing.
     
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  19. Enwar

    Enwar Fapstronaut

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    I assume that you go to church. You should try to get involved there. If you don't, then you might want to start looking for a Bible-believing one, and get involved after you're satisfied that it is one. That might solve all of your problems right there. I suggest that you get find some other hobbies as well. What do you like to do? Try and join a community of people who do it.

    You can go on a hike or a camping trip as well, even if it's by yourself. Being away from your house for a few days always does great things for your mind. God bless, brother.
     
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  20. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    Been trying to get more active. Finding a community I can connect with personally isn't as easy as it sounds.
     
    Enwar likes this.

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