Our addictions are rooted in trauma

M

Maurice00

Fapstronaut
If you can't address the trauma, then you can never truly get rid of the addiction. It's simply a self-medicating mechanism to cope with emotional pain. I have been an addict since I was 13 years old and I'm 21 years old now. I completely understand the mechanisms of addiction and I have been in therapy and actively working on my mental health for years. Needless to say, I am still here. I am still addicted and I still keep relapsing. I have been PMO and addiction free for long stretches of time, like 200 days + by sheer force of will, but I haven't been able to free myself. The problem is that I am still in so much emotional pain that I don't know how to cope. Waking up everyday is a hell for me. I don't enjoy anything in life and I have nobody whom I can trust for emotional support. For me my life is trying to achieve things that I can only achieve if I am emotionally well. And because I am not emotionally well, I either have to force myself to ignore my feelings and to show up to my responsibilities everyday or allow myself to completely collapse. Porn and sexting for me are a way of controlling my emotions. A very poor way. I know it's bad for me, I know my stress and depression get quadrupled after a binge, but still I do it. It's hopeless. Completely hopeless. I have been fighting addiction for 7 years and I don't think I will ever get rid of it, because I cannot resolve my emotional pain and trauma. My family has cast me out and I am unable to make lasting friendships because I'm too depressed. I have tried everything from "Just work out and meditate bro" to therapy and medication. I am stuck in a vicious cycle that I can't break. I don't even hate my life anymore, I am too jaded to even cry or get angry. I am just weary and I sincirely hope that one of these days I won't wake up anymore.
 
I'm exactly the same. Except I'm 24 and I've been addicted since I learned to fap. Nobody on here understands. As long as I've had the pain I've been numbing it with the addiction. It's been my method for surviving the pain of traumas all these years.
 
Don't do stupid things.
Spend 20 bucks on the book Unwanted from Jerry Springer Jay Stringer and read it.
Than read it again, and then another time.

It will help you enormously.
 
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Maurice00 said:
If you can't address the trauma, then you can never truly get rid of the addiction. It's simply a self-medicating mechanism to cope with emotional pain. I have been an addict since I was 13 years old and I'm 21 years old now. I completely understand the mechanisms of addiction and I have been in therapy and actively working on my mental health for years. Needless to say, I am still here. I am still addicted and I still keep relapsing. I have been PMO and addiction free for long stretches of time, like 200 days + by sheer force of will, but I haven't been able to free myself. The problem is that I am still in so much emotional pain that I don't know how to cope. Waking up everyday is a hell for me. I don't enjoy anything in life and I have nobody whom I can trust for emotional support. For me my life is trying to achieve things that I can only achieve if I am emotionally well. And because I am not emotionally well, I either have to force myself to ignore my feelings and to show up to my responsibilities everyday or allow myself to completely collapse. Porn and sexting for me are a way of controlling my emotions. A very poor way. I know it's bad for me, I know my stress and depression get quadrupled after a binge, but still I do it. It's hopeless. Completely hopeless. I have been fighting addiction for 7 years and I don't think I will ever get rid of it, because I cannot resolve my emotional pain and trauma. My family has cast me out and I am unable to make lasting friendships because I'm too depressed. I have tried everything from "Just work out and meditate bro" to therapy and medication. I am stuck in a vicious cycle that I can't break. I don't even hate my life anymore, I am too jaded to even cry or get angry. I am just weary and I sincirely hope that one of these days I won't wake up anymore.
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Sorry to hear. In the end it is your life. You have free choice to do what you want with it. Everyone is given the wisdom to reflect and do as they think best. It’s up to each one of us to use our wisdom (given free to us), or not. The more we do, the better things get. The less we do, the worse it gets. We all have a choice. Take care. Be well.
 
Chris105 said:
I'm exactly the same. Except I'm 24 and I've been addicted since I learned to fap. Nobody on here understands. As long as I've had the pain I've been numbing it with the addiction. It's been my method for surviving the pain of traumas all these years.
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It is not the world’s obligation to understand us, but for us to understand ourselves. Same response to this post as to OP.
 
Chris105 said:
I'm exactly the same. Except I'm 24 and I've been addicted since I learned to fap. Nobody on here understands. As long as I've had the pain I've been numbing it with the addiction. It's been my method for surviving the pain of traumas all these years.
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Plenty of people understand, but because we're narcissists, we think we're the only person going through this situation. That we're the worst, the most damaged, or the most incurable addict OF ALL TIME.

It's just another facet of pride, where instead of thinking you're hot shit, you think you're dog shit.
 
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