My way through sissy hell and 50 days of freedom

Wish you all the best brother. In some way cuckold porn is pure essence of everything whats wrong with porn addiction.
Be strong and get rid off it.

 

Hey, thanks for encouragement, great to see you again!

Hey, thanks for your message!
IMHO if you want to fully recover but for any reason decide to not to abstain completely from PMO, you always have to cut numbers from right to left.
You can abstain from porn and masturbation, but still O with a partner.
If you made some progress, you might even masturbate without using porn.
But I think it doesn't work the otherway. Watching porn and edging without O? Nope, that won't help you get better.

I love the concept of Mind mode. Totally agree. It's much easier and also heathier cut the urge the moment it emerges as a thought. Every minute you spend fantasizing just bring you closer to relapse and failure.

I am sure, you'll be alright - at week 2-3, and also later and earlier. I personaly didn't observe any stronger urges at week 2 or any other period of time. I treat every day as a new start and I don't think there's a use in worrying about future. Just wake up every morning with determination to abstain and you'll be good.


Thank you all for help and support. Today is another day of my journey and I will stay sober.

 

Hey thank you for your comment and especially for the post you wrote. I completely understand what are you saying and agree with it 100 %.
It's still challenging to me tho. I went through my past during countless psychotherapies and I am an perfect example of what you mentioned. I was bullied through both elementary and high school, my parents were divorced, my step-father belittled me while I felt I had no suppport from other family members and even later at wok-life I sufferd from an imposter syndrome a lot. I never was really athletic and I avoid sports, being more of a bookworm and geek. I wasn't particularly unsuccessful with girls, but I never was and alpha male and I sufferd from an imposter syndrome at this area as well... Often I had this crazy idea, that someone definitely have to pay my girlfriend to be with me.

I changed a lot. I started to sport more, I am successful at my job, I am happily married... But especially when I am tired or facing some challenges... It's so easy to slide back to the old habits. Be that passive, recieving sissy... It's definitely much easier to resist it, but it's still a constant battle. And while I yield just a little I fall back to it before I know...

 

You know what I hate the most about porn addiction? How it ruins the most important things in your life.

I am happily married and in it works all great in terms of intimacy. And I enjoy it a lot. There's nothing better than having sex with my spouse. No porn can beat that.

BUT! Almost everytime I get horny, the first thing that pops in my head is not my wife. No, it's some fetish stuff, its some character from cartoon porn, its some sextoy I want to try. Through the years of my PMOing my brain rewired to that kind of stuff and it constantly pops in my head.

I barely spend any time thinking of sexy stuff with my wife. I rarely plan those, usually its something that just happen. But I wasted thousands of hours fantasizing about fetishes and kinks, planning my "wanking sessions". Sometimes I can't wait till my wife leaves and I have a house for myself.

And that's what I hate the most. I love my wife, I want to spend time with her, but my sick brain wants the exact opposite. That's wrong.

 

Thank you guys. Just reading your answers helps me a lot. I already feel the urges getting weaker and weaker. This morning was harsh and just 2 minutes ago I struggled a lot not to peek at some stuff. But it's better now. I still can't plausibly convince myself to never get back to this shit, but I can stay away from it today.

Thank you, man. It's funny. I vividly remember the times I was there. The times I was master of my thoughts and just felt genuinely happy and freed from all that bullshit. But at some point I gave up and let myself slip back into this swamp.

It's a great point of view and you're definitely right. It's always up to us to give meaning to stuff... It's our brains that decides whether something is pieco of plastic or mating partner... But it's my brain what's broken... When I think of it, I must agree and disagree with you original point, both at once. Abstinence alone does not work, unless you're willing to change your mind and reframe your self-image. But on the other hand it might need some time in sobriety in order to clear your mind of stuff that might distort your mind... I will keep your advices in mind, but I think that right now i just need to persevere until I'll be able to rethink my situation completely and honestly.

Yeah. You're right. I KNOW for sure, that all this stuff just lose it's power once I keep away from them long enough. But right now I am just at the start and it's freakin hard to resist. But it's strange kind of hard. It's not like lifting weights hard. It's like lifting a piece of paper you just don't want to lift. Or maybe better: not reading some secret thats on the other side of the paper. You don't have to do anything to achieve this goal - just leave the paper alone... You don't have to fight anything from outside - you have to fight yourself...